To think mums using formula are shamed more than breastfeeding mums?

[Mumtoboy123]

Before having children i didnt realise how big of an issue this seems to be. Everywhere you go you hear "breast is best" and yes, this is the case for some, however, i had my son 7 weeks ago and i was never too fussed about breastfeeding. I knew it would hurt, take a lot of time to get right and i would be the sole provider of feeding day and night. I knew that for me, this was a lot of pressure, that i would rather DH have the chance to feed DS and get that connection with him and we could face night feeds as a team. I also suffer from chronic fatigue and knew 2 hourly BF by myself would kill me or cause low feeling and possible PND.
When DS was born, i was rushed to surgery following the birth. Before this happened, because i felt i had to, id said i wanted to try and breastfeed for the first few days of colostrum at least. This meant that while i was being prepped for surgery, a midwife was 'panic expressing' in an attempt to get DS to latch on. Quite traumatic. DH then had to give DS a bottle while surgery took so long and we carried on from there.
Since having DS ive had aot of people assuming im breastfeeding, ignoring me saying im formula feeding and continuing to tell me their BF stories and advice, and i get funny looks wherever i bottle feed out of the house, especially at mum groups.
Surely feeding my child in the best way that suits our family is better than BF and my bond with DS suffering because of the hardship, or worse, not feeding at all?! There seems to be a lot of focus on supporting BF mums because of the opinions related to getting breast out in public but no support for those who have chosen to formula feed for whatever reason, if anything, when you say you are formula feeding you get a bit of a look and an "oh right" comment... then a silence. Its got to the point where i see another formula feeding mum in costa and i want to run up to her and high-5 her!!
Just to clarify... i have nothing against Breastfeeding at all... especially in public.

Do you know what, I think the NHS staff were more worried about saving your child than finding you dinner. Maybe you should have been as well.

The NHS provides formula milk to babies in hospital. The NHS provides food to breastfeeding mothers who are providing the nutrition for their baby in hospital. It really is as simple as that.

At my local maternity hospital they dont provide formula milk to mum who choose the formula feed. You have to bring your own

FWIW - all the BF mothers on our ward are genuinely shocked when told they can have a meal - the receiving of food certainly isn’t something they feel entitled to because they don’t even know the service provision is there until we tell them.

Mumof1andacat do you mean when they’re born, or if they’re admitted due to illness etc?

@holasoydora
FWIW I think you showed insight into yourself and were sensible in choosing to formula feed because of your chronic fatigue and because you were worried about PND.

Thank you... someone has finally read what i ACTUALLY wrote and not jumped at what they think i said!

At my local maternity hospital they dont provide formula milk to mum who choose the formula feed. You have to bring your own

Maternity wards don’t provide formula but paediatric wards do.

Maternity wards cater to feed their patients which are the mothers, not the babies.

Paediatric wards cater for their patients which are the babies/children.

P.s i dont work for a formula producing company or mumsnet or whatever the 'nestle' comment meant. Im an exausted new mother of a 7 week old who made an observation, stated it in a question on MN and laughed HARD at how irrate some people got about a stranger on the internet choosing to FF. I also very much appreciate the opinions of those who have commented. My skin will thicken and tbh those who care about my feeding choices need to reevaluate their priority. However, there has been no need to suggest im not putting my child first by choosing to FF from the get go.

How dare you Teddy I was not focused on my dinner.

Do you know how traumatic it is going in an ambulance with a very ill child,thinking they'll die. I couldn't have eaten anything if it was offered.

I am reflecting how 2 days later after zero sleep,post shock on very little food and constantly comforting and caring for my baby I felt different. Having a meal and not worrying about where I was going to get it from would have been helpful.

Yes I know exactly how traumatic it is. I know better than most people, but I don’t use it as a stick to beat people with constantly to get my point across.

You’re coming across as quite obsessed. Why don’t you start a petition to vent some of this anger towards a more healthy outlet?

I think we must have gone to a very enlightened NHS (London) hospital last year - paediatric day surgery the day after an accident. We were there five hours (in the end she didn't need surgery) and I was shown a 'parents room' just by the playroom and told I could make myself a hot drink or cup a soup and help myself to sandwiches, toast and fruit.
DD wasn't allowed to leave the ward and I couldn't leave her as there was no one else to be with her. I'd packed a cereal bar but was very grateful to have the food and drink we did as it made our visit a lot easier. The staff were excellent and actually checked I'd had lunch before we went home (we'd been there since 7am to be there for the morning theatre list).

F1annelsheetssee it’s interesting that the maj of women in many other countries breastfeed yet in the U.K. there’s a whole host of physical reasons that make breastfeeding impossible for them.

It does seem wrong that parents on a ward with ill ff babies don’t get fed. I feel terrible for parents that are on their own with no one to bring food in for them and have to make the choice between eating and leaving their babies, I would hope that’s quite a rare situation and would hope that most families have someone who can bring meals to the parent. I don’t really see what this has to do with shaming formula though, as the hospital will provide formula for a formula fed patient.

Ridingmybike, my guess would be that the parents' room resource was actually funded by a charity or patients' group.

I think mix feeding should be encouraged more.
Mix feeding meant I had some freedom but also I could whack out a Breast without the faff of warning up milk.
I just used the NUK tests which were slow flow.
I mix fed from 2 weeks old and it meant I was able to part time Breast feed for over 2 years.
Total formula didn’t suit us and neither did exclusive breastfeeding so I think it might be a good compromise. I went back to work full time when my child was small so it really helped that too.

I was shamed for ff. despite being pretty ill after dd was born.
It didn't help my recovery.

Just replying to your bitchy goady comments. And Pot Kettle😂😂😂

Bit obsessed with insisting ff mums have no right to food what so ever, come hell or high water whereas a bfing mum apparently does whatever the circumstances.

Utterly ridiculous.

@Nutkins24 exactly - agree with every word. We had a thread back along about the nestle trolls/sock puppets.

Of course ff babies sleep better, bloated with calorie heavy freeze dried cows milk. Can't see many benefits to ff personally but sedation is one of them ;-)

Furthermore now my kids are 6 and 9 I really give less of a shit if any how you feed your baby. But shut up about the shaming. Stand by your choices whatever they are x

I totally understand the logic but I can also empathise with why a mother who is possibly already upset at having ‘failed’ at breastfeeding would be sore at sitting there starving or having to leave her baby to get food while those who succeeded at bf have meals delivered to them.

Genuinely interested if there is research as to whether there is an impact on the child if the bf mother isn’t fed by the hospital? Wondering whether most of them would feed themselves and the net effect on the child would be the same, but this may not be the case.

Having said that, I don’t actually have a problem with breastfeeding mothers being given meals. I’m just trying to empathise with why some might find it upsetting.

If w formula fed baby needs nourishment we provide the formula, if a breast feeding baby needs nourishment we feed the mother. I don’t understand why people find it so complicated or unfair?!

^^ this I don't get why it's so difficult to understand. It's the NHS.

I've formula fed and breastfed, also had a baby that needed life saving surgery and hospital treatment. In all honesty food was the last thing on my mind but regardless of that I do find that if I miss a meal my supply is really affected. I'm constantly snacking as a result.

So I can understand why the stretched and limited already on its knees NHS only provides food for the patient.

Wondering whether most of them would feed themselves and the net effect on the child would be the same, but this may not be the case.

If food wasn’t available to BF mothers then they’d do exactly what the mothers of FF babies do: go find food if they get a chance, make use of the kitchen facilities, have people bring food in for them etc etc

However, the staff know that for a baby to recover from illness then it must be well nourished and it’s because they can’t risk this not happening that the mother is fed.

Ensuring the mother is adequately nourished and hydrated means the baby will be too.

The nourishment and hydration status of a FF baby’s mother makes no difference to the clinical health of the baby which is why there is no need to feed FF mothers in the way that BF mothers need feeding.

Breastfeeding rates in different countries from Kellymom:
kellymom.com/fun/trivia/bf-rates-2004/
So a couple of Scandinavian countries there (some data is c 10 years old) TBH their EBF rates are the same as the part of England I'm in but they also have people combi-feeding so the overall rate of BFing at all is higher.

Wonder what the UK stats would look like if combi-feeding was supported?

So my health is irrelevant then? Because I used formula? A week without a decent meal, watching my baby struggle to breathe and at risk of collapsed lungs. Because as I was told 'only the bf mums get food'. A week without a decent meal isn't exactly healthy. God only knows how those with even more poorly children cope for longer periods of time