To leave DS alone over Christmas?

[pinkbobbles]

DS is 20 and he lives with me. He had autism (high functioning to a point) and adhd.

DS has never been into Christmas, at all. I have to admit I have been absolutely dreading it this year, we have no other family apart from another adult child who is working and living with her boyfriend.

One of my friends has invited me to spend Christmas with her, DS is invited but I know he won’t go. I suppose I’m wondering if I should just go anyway ... don’t flame me, just trying to weigh it up.

How long would you be away for?

Probably about four days.

What would your DS be doing while you were away?

It depends.. would he be delighted having the house to himself,chill,full control of the telly and order some takeaway? For some people that would be an ideal xmas. For some it would be their worst nightmare. It all depends on your son and also if he'd be capable to cope on his own for that amount of tirm.

When you spoke to your son about it what did he say?

As long as he is safe to be alone and u have asked him to come then why not? You can't ruin your Christmas if he doesn't even enjoy it anyway

If he can manage on his own and chooses to stay, go.
He is high-functioning (from what you said) and he is an adult.

I absolutely wouldn't, but that's just me.

If it WASN'T christmas, would you go, for a weekend away,without him?

I would and have gone away without him before.

I think Christmas will literally be another day for him, I just can’t get him into it and I have tried.

If he is invited and won't go and can manage on his own, then go.

My DD has Autism and isn't into Christmas and other stuff, hated camping etc, so I've had to do things without her.

He's now an Adult and as long as he isn't becoming depressed, then it's time for you to start to live your life.

Go, enjoy.

Yes go. He is an adult (even if vulnerable, one who is OK on his own) and he doesn't like Christmas. Why shouldn't you?

Give him the choice of coming or staying at home and be guilt free.

OP my DS (ASD & ADHD) is only 8 so my perspective is years behind yours, but I think if you are worrying about whether or not to go then give it a miss this year and stay home, (I think four days away would result in a lot of anxiety for both of you) BUT make it very clear to DS that you are going to make the house Christmassy and have some luxuries and ‘me’ time etc and have the Christmas you want to at home, he is welcome to join in as he wishes.

I do feel awful about it.

The truth is though the Christmas I want just doesn’t involve me sat in the lounge alone wearing a Christmas hat

If he is able and fine on his own then go I would ask him if he wants to go though.

Oh I would absolutely ask him but he won’t, I know he won’t.

My DS has ASD and he went away last year for Christmas and left me at home! Haha. I did have my DD here and I told him it was fine, which it was. There are some people who think it’s a massive deal and wouldn’t do it but if he’s happy then go and enjoy yourself. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Dammit ! Sorry posted before reading through. . .

I think four days away could potentially result in a lot of anxiety and worry for both of you

It sounds as if he is fine on his own, and so I think you should accept the offer.

Obviously I am not in your shoes, but I don't think I could leave him. Could you plan some treats for yourself (nice M&S Xmas goodies, good book or two, plans some films, etc) and then go away in the NY as a treat for yourself and something to look forward to.

I could do I suppose ... I don’t know where I’d go though!

I think you probably know yoyr son better than anybody if he isn"t bothered and is ok with you being away then why not he is a grown up. My friends dc is 27 with HFA theyhave their own flat and never goes to christmas dinner or participates in Christmas.

You should go.

If he can cope alone on a normal day, why would he not at Christmas? If he’s not bothered and will be ok, then you should go.