To leave DS alone over Christmas?

[pinkbobbles]

DS is 20 and he lives with me. He had autism (high functioning to a point) and adhd.

DS has never been into Christmas, at all. I have to admit I have been absolutely dreading it this year, we have no other family apart from another adult child who is working and living with her boyfriend.

One of my friends has invited me to spend Christmas with her, DS is invited but I know he won’t go. I suppose I’m wondering if I should just go anyway ... don’t flame me, just trying to weigh it up.

What causes his episodes though? If it's being surrounded by lots of people then he'll be fine at home alone, if it's being alone for long periods then not....
Could you talk it through with him what he'd do each day so that he knows in advance and has a plan? Could DD be call/textable for him so that if he fall apart there's someone available to drop everything? He might enjoy having the peace and quiet if he's prepared for it. Food in ready that he likes and knows what to do with. A routine set up.
I'd love 4 days of complete absence of people! My parents can't seem to cope with the idea of not seeing me at Christmas and year after year it gets a bit draining.

Pyong obviously people have to work on Christmas Day but I was trying to say that hopefully the DD wouldn't be working all 4 days and may have time am or pm to pop in to check on her brother.

Can your friend come to you?

Thank you. My friend can’t come to me, she has two small children, a husband and parents! Part of me thinks I might feel like Banquo’s ghost but I’ve really been struggling this year and am trying to reconnect with people a bit.

I honestly don’t have a clue what sparks DS’s episodes, his own GP has admitted he’s at a loss.

I have an adult brother who has HFA, he often arranges or volunteers to work over family party periods as he finds the socialising, noise, buzz too much.

My DD who also has HFA presents very differently and likes to socialise but needs time to regroup etc afterwards.

I’m another one saying ‘go’. Ask your DD to check on him periodically, stock up on things he likes, leave presents that will keep him occupied, Skype... but do go.

Is his Sister totally on board with checking up on him if she is working would her partner hang out with him

Having read your updates, I don't think I would leave him, although I wouldn't think you were being unreasonable if you did.
Could you maybe rearrange to go to your friend's in the New Year, possibly with flights being more frequent when it isn't peak holiday season so that you could have a shorter stay if you wanted?

I wouldn't leave him for 4 days. I understand why you would want a 'normal' Christmas but no, I couldn't leave a vulnerable DC alone for 4 days even if he is 20yrs old.

Find someone else to spend Christmas day or evening with. You must have other friends locally? Then he can be fine for a few hours and you'd be able to enjoy yourself knowing you were returning home later.

Gucciknickers how come you're so certain OP has other friends? Not everyone has people they can just plonk themselves on, especially on Christmas day.
I like a PPs idea of attending a Salvation Army lunch or similar, if that appealed and you have anything in your area. Leaving him for a few hours would be a good compromise.
I do think if it will trigger depression then I wouldn't feel comfortable. I'm feel sympathy for you though, you sound like a fantastic mum

Truthfully if I were in your position I would go.

Yes he has episodes but you cannot live life thinking what if, and the fact he's only had 2 this year is a good indication he will be fine.

You need to put yourself first in this situation, he will be content being at home. It is not a new situation, he has experienced it before and it being Christmas does not alter that. His sister is close by should anything need resolving and he will be able to maintain his normal routine which is probably less likely to cause an episode than flying to a strange house with people he doesn't know.

In the kindest possible way, you need to prioritise yourself before you find yourself ending up depressed and alone for the holidays for the foreseeable future.

Thanks. I do have local friends but not really ones I could just foist myself on, it is Christmas after all.

'Gucciknickers how come you're so certain OP has other friends? Not everyone has people they can just plonk themselves on, especially on Christmas day. '

I'm not certain, it was a suggestion.

No need to 'foist' op but if chatting to other local friends one of them may offer.