Not helping my 5 year old

[paige789]

I've recently had a baby so have starting being strict with my son.
He's 5 and a half and in the mornings I get up and make him breakfast and that's it everything els he does himself like putting tv on, getting dressed, brushing hair, cleaning face and doing his hair etc. am I right to encourage him to do these things for himself ? What does everyone else's 5 year old do ?

Why bother bloody posting then?!

Was this whole thing just a stealth boast?

That backfired didn't it? 🤣

OK OP so it takes your lazy 5 yo 10 minutes to get up, dressed, washed and fed in the morning, heoves the responsibility and his new sibling and you're happy that whilst your youngest sleeps through the morning he can get all this done and you can get 5 minutes peace.

Awesome.

So what's the post about?

You're clearly happy with it all, claim he is too so what do you actually want to ask?

Yes I’d expect a five year old to have this level of independence. They’re expected to dress themselves well before five to be ready for school and they definitely should know how to do basics like brushing teeth and hair. I can’t see any issue with this.

So if he can get ready and does with no fuss, then what’s the point of the post?

And if he’s taking too long then let him get ready and THEN he can have toys and TV?

This is a truly bizarre thread with the OP backtracking on everything from

• it was the baby
• he takes half an hour to put on a sock to he’s ready in 10 mins
• I called him lazy but no I didn’t
• he watches 45 mins of TV but no he doesn’t.

All to say that he gets ready without a fuss. So why such an epic post to start with?!

@Oliversmumsarmy no, average boys are very capable at doing all this. they just tend to get an easier ride than girls. don’t raise another man child!

It's good to encourage more independence but that's not quite the vibe I'm getting from reading your posts OP. Lazy is a very negative label to give your son. Very. And not wanting to walk to school doesn't mean he's lazy, none of what you've mentioned means he's particularly lazy. He's just a normal five year old! All he wants is his mummy. He's still so young, please be gentle with him and make him feel special even if that means 'babying' him sometimes. It's healthy and positive and will make him grow up feeling far more secure than this judgemental attitude you seem to be taking about totally normal behaviour.

Aibu?
Yabu!
Ianbu
YABU
IANBU 😂😂😂

no, average boys are very capable at doing all this. they just tend to get an easier ride than girls. don’t raise another man child!

What? My ds is five and most of his mates are five. Not one of us is giving them an easier ride than if they were a girl.

My DD is 5 and manages to sort herself out fine in the morning before school.

It's the perfect age to do it as they need to know to get changed for PE as no teacher has the time to fully dress a class

OP
“Honestly not bothering anymore I've got my answers of the helpful posters 😴😴”
I’m not sure why you posted on Aibu when you only take note of those who agree with you whether or not their 5 year old is truly independent.
I could post that my 5 year old is on grade 8 piano on a anonymous forum doesn’t make it true.

@Yura there are areas in which boys' development tends to lag behind that of girls. Obviously there are plenty of exceptions and all children are individuals but I think it's a bit out of order to suggest another poster is raising a future 'manchild'. She's raising her child in the way that works for him, hardly appropriate to start bringing in derogatory terms like the one you've used.

@gotmybigbootson i was responding to another poster who said that boys can’t do these sort of things age 5, while girls typically can. nonesense. a lot of people expect girls to do more than nothing to do with actual abilities

It's a bit of an odd post to be honest. Of course if your child (of whatever age) should get themselves dressed if they're capable of it - that doesn't require a post. I would hope though that you're still with him lots of the morning spending time with him, chatting with him etc. I find it's those times when you're all getting ready in the morning busy doing things that kids choose to have some of the most important significant conversations (probably because there's less pressure). If your 5 year old is off on his own getting dressed, watching TV etc all morning and then is sent off to school all day while his baby sibling is at home with mummy then yes you're probably breeding future resentment.

It is sad that there are so many posters who want little children (girls/boys) to grow before their time. At 5, he is still little and needs parental input. He certainly needs supervsion when he brushes his teeth, and when he makes breakfast. My ds 6 loves being independent, and wants to make hot drinks, I always supervise, and insist I pour the hot water or put milk into his cereal, as he will put way too much. These little things which due to their age and motor skills aren't fully developed yet. He is still a child who needs certain things doing for him and supervising.

It is sad that there are so many posters who want little children (girls/boys) to grow before their time

Err... what? My 5 year old can and does do all the things in the OP herself. I also read to her, play with her, cuddle her, take her to places she wants to go, listen to her when she’s upset, listen to her telling me about her day at school, listen to her talking about her friends, do crafts with her, dance around with her to her favourite music, song songs with her...

Aeroflotgirl growing up before their time is telling them (directly or by praising/ boasting in front of them about any coincidental interest in anything more grown up) they are too old for toys/ cbeeebies and and encouraging sexualised/ adult style clothing, age inappropriate media, boxing up their toys, teasing them about being babyish, stopping reading them a bedtime story as soon as they can read themselves etc not encouraging them to dress themselves!

I think that's pretty reasonable, my daughter will be 5 in a couple of months, I will get up, make her breakfast, her clothes are ironed in a pile so I remind her to brush teeth - she brushes independently in a morning but I must admit I do help on occasion and at nighttime just to double check she's doing it properly. She then gets herself dressed and I will do her hair. She doesn't make her own drink yet but usually I will do a bottle of water for each child left in the fridge and they can help themselves to it. She's been able to dress herself (and wanted to!) since age 2!

My sons were much more lazy and now working in a preschool I realise how much better it is for children to know these things young - for example we expect 3/4 year olds to be able to dress mainly alone with little help (perhaps tights or buttons) do Velcro shoes, coats on, pour own drink from a jug and open own lunchbox etc. It's surprising how many children can't do this and it's all part of helping them be ready for school!

Time management wise perhaps that's a bit of a difficult one as my 4 year old has no concept of time yet, but I do remind her. My 7 year old is still very slow - we recently brought him a garmin watch which has timers and reminders and that's helped him lots! (But appreciate he is just generally very slow/forgetful and does take longer than the average child!)

I think you are a bit unreasonable. He is only five and his dealing with having to share your affection with the baby. I tell my 7 year old to sort this out himself but would make allowance for a 5 year old! Also I doubt he is lazy!

Oliversmumsarmy no, average boys are very capable at doing all this. they just tend to get an easier ride than girls. don’t raise another man child

But children are not average and I treated dd the same. Neither have grown up to be incapable children.

In fact both are more proactive and hardworking than any of their peers.

Dd runs her own business and has a further 7 jobs that she fits round everything else.

Ds is at college. He has been moved up a year and is topping the class with an average score of 97.5% for all his exams and assessments. He also has 2 jobs.

I helped them probably more than most and they got there in the end but they knew I was always there if they couldn’t be bothered that day or just couldn’t.

I am amazed how many 5 year olds are able to get up, get dressed and get themselves breakfast each morning. I know mine were not capable without a great deal of input.
For a start they couldn’t teach the kitchen countertops

Blueskies yes she does 7 jobs. Not obviously at the same time and what is so unbelievable about someone running a business or are females not meant to run businesses.

Most of dds peers are running around getting drunk.
Dd can start at 5am and not finish till gone midnight.

She has so many jobs that once she taught a child in the morning, fitted the same child with shoes in the afternoon and serve the parents in the evening at a big dinner dance.
Ds is on a practical course and was moved up because he has worked on things as a job and so had actually covered the work.

Slight tangent but I'd still be checking he is cleaning his teeth adequately, electric toothbrush or not.

Sorry - I missed your last paragraph Oliversmumsarmy in that case your DS skipping a year is nothing personal - he'd just already done that part of the course elsewhere. Not sure why that's a brag, he didn't skip a year due to his grades.