Not helping my 5 year old

[paige789]

I've recently had a baby so have starting being strict with my son.
He's 5 and a half and in the mornings I get up and make him breakfast and that's it everything els he does himself like putting tv on, getting dressed, brushing hair, cleaning face and doing his hair etc. am I right to encourage him to do these things for himself ? What does everyone else's 5 year old do ?

paige789 you are now being massively offensive and attacking people persinally. You'll get yourself deleted.

It's fine to ask about averages but it's also fine for people to address other things you've said. Bassoon is right - getting him up at 6:45 and sending him to watch TV in his pyjamas without getting dressed is batshit. There is no need to wake him that early just to watch TV! If he doesn't wake naturally at that time leave him to sleep while you get ready and call him at the time he actually needs to get up to get dressed, breakfasted, washed and out of the door!

*personally not the strange version with an i in it which I just managed to mangle

He know how to dress already, but as others have pointed out you shouldn’t start being strict on him just yet: you chose to have a baby. He didn’t choose to have a sibling. If you can’t cope
that’s not his fault!!

@blueskiesandforests that is what he likes to do if I woke him and made him get ready and go straight to school he would be upset, I also like to sit and chat to him in the mornings. He doesn't always watch tv sometimes he reads books or plays with the dog etc he likes to spend time at home, I've tried getting him up later and he's upset because he wants to play. Why doesn't getting him up at 6:45 matter to anyone he likes it, he doesn't have an issue getting out of bed in the morning and is defiantly not tired so why do people have nothing better to do than make out he's unhappy when really if I didn't get him up early I wouldn't be taking away time that's he enjoys. How can people on here tell me my son is tired !!!!!

@Cherries101 this is actually pathetic 😂 I can cope fine I'm just seeing if I'm expecting too much from a 5 year old which others have stated I'm not.

@Cherries101 I started being strict months before I had my baby this is getting boring now and I'm glad I did before he could hardly put socks on without Causing a scene

@paige789 I’m not the pathetic one here, love. Suggest you take a good hard look at yourself.

He fully understands I need him to do things for himself obviously having a young baby I can't have him asking me to do things that he is fully capable of doing himself

Basically he's a very lazy child and would rather just ask me than do it himself

I'm sorry but he defiantly is very lazy hence why I needed to sort it out.

He's bloody five not 15. And going through a huge life change.

I hope you keep your temper better with your children than with other adults op.

He understands simple things a lot easier than half the people on here thank god 😂

@paige789 - you raised an incompetant 5 yo. Not us. It’s on you if he can’t do basic things. Having said that, choosing the arrival of a baby to lay down the law on him is strange. Almost like now you have a baby he’s suddenly stopped being a kid? That’s rubbish.

paige789 - if only you understood the simple things we’re trying to say.

@Cherries101 you haven't even read half of my post. Honestly not bothering anymore I've got my answers of the helpful posters 😴😴

I make my 2yo get his own snacks and pour his own drinks. He attempts to dress himself too and brush his own teeth/hair etc. He tidies toys away, 'helps' cook food and clean the house with me. He knows to try things himself and if he can't do it he will ask for help. I am sure your child will be able to do the same as he is 3 years older. People have an obsession with babying their kids and then wondering why they cannot function properly as adults (e.g making their own decisions, trying new things, taking risks. It's because mums was stood over them like a puppet master and didn't let the child think or act for themselves).

'from his point of view his parents have got all strict and are making him do everything as the new baby is here and takes priority.'

Well the new baby does take priority? Of course it does? At the end of the day you can't be pissing about doing everything for a child who is more than capable when you have a newborn baby who needs you to do literally everything for them. 5yo can try and do stuff himself and if he cannot do it then he has to wait until the babies needs are taken care of and you have your hands free. Simple as, he will have to get used to it. He isn't going to grow up with a complex because his mum fed the baby before putting his socks on!!

Look, let me summarise:

1. If he hadn’t mastered these skills it’s because you haven’t taught him so far. That’s on YOU.
2. You were the one who linked the baby to this and then massively backtracked.
3. You insist on calling him lazy for things everyone has said is relatively age appropriate (even whinging about walking) and things YOU should have taught him.
4. 45 mins of TV in the morning is seriously not ideal. But hey ho. I noticed you promptly back tracked and said ‘no he reads books and plays games.’

And my 5 year old could fully dress himself including buttons, make toast, butter it, heat up a glass of milk in the microwave for 30 seconds and make his own cereal. He could also daydream and come down with non school socks or his clothes backward because you know...he’s five.

More importantly, he also got a new sibling aged five. He loved and adored him and still does. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t a huge emotional change and he didn’t need babying. In fact I used to play pretend baby games with him.
So yes your 5 year old is capable. And yes you should have taught him by now. No he’s not lazy. And yes, having a sibling is a big life event no matter how delighted he appears.

Yes my once baby, now nearly 2 year old can also get his own snack and tidy up his own toys. But that’s because I have taught him to. He knows before nursery he needs to get his bag, coat, shoes ready. Again because I have taught him to.
It’s not going to magically become part of his routine. Also 25 mins means nothing UNLESS he can tell the time. DS1 could at 5 so he had a clock in his room that he used. Otherwise it’s not always helpful.

@KoshaMangsho I'm not back tracking he normally watches tv yes not always for a whole 45 mins but do you really need me to state exactly what he does, sometimes he doesn't watch tv and sits with me, sometimes he plays games on his iPad or does school stuff but it's not relevant he normally has the tv on whilst doing other things also but who actually cares I'm not back tracking he doesn't do the exact same thing every single morning ! Not that any of that has anything to do with him getting ready he likes to do them things in the morning and chill out before school that's his time which he enjoys

@FeckingEjit thank you for your useful comment not sure why I'm even responding to half these people x

Just to clarify I let him watch tv for 30-45minutes before he gets ready,

People are going by what you actually said. 🙄

@gotmybigbootson yes I do let him do that, he doesn't always do it though, he has toys and other things as well but that's not relevant if he wants to watch tv he can. If he wants to play he can, if he wants to sit in my room he can if he wants to watch his iPad he can that's his time that he enjoys before school !!!!!!!!!

He clearly needs more time to get ready so why not reduce his playtime?

Or insist he gets ready before play/tv?

@gotmybigbootson no he doesn't need more time he does it perfectly so do you not what you commenting on

Actually I don't know why I'm bothering to engage after what you called me.

Poor lad, hopefully you don't fly off the handle as easily in real life.

@gotmybigbootson I've not once said that he can't get himself ready now ? I've said I've made rules and are the responsible. It now takes him about 10 mins to get ready with no issues so why does he need more time 😂 your literally commenting random stuff for no reason

@Paige789
I work with children and despite all those saying their 3-5 year olds get themselves ready with minimal help it’s very unusual, not disbelieving but people more likely to post if they have a child who does this.
Anyway my point is you have already made up your mind that your 5 year old is lazy and
”obviously having a young baby I can't have him asking me to do things that he is fully capable of doing himself”
I’m sure you can justify it to yourself but I feel incredibly sad for your DS as in some countries they are still at nursery or kindergarten at 6 so not expected to be “mummy’s little helper”.
There’s an interesting thread about a stepmother of a 7 year old who is struggling to do a 2 hour school run and she’s been slated for not putting him first despite the fact he’s given a snack of milk and an orange and not expected to do it himself.
Mumsnet is a very strange place at times.

@Ghanagirl he is fully capable of getting himself dressed and ready for school he does it with no issues I was checking if that is a reasonable age. I obviously still do a lot for him and if he asks I will always help.