Not helping my 5 year old

[paige789]

I've recently had a baby so have starting being strict with my son.
He's 5 and a half and in the mornings I get up and make him breakfast and that's it everything els he does himself like putting tv on, getting dressed, brushing hair, cleaning face and doing his hair etc. am I right to encourage him to do these things for himself ? What does everyone else's 5 year old do ?

YANBU
Independence is the best thing that children can learn.
Tbh putting the tv on isn’t such a hardship. Nor is getting dressed or brushing his hair at that age.

I wouod add to that list, putting dirty clothes in the washing basket and putting the dirty plates/glasses in the dishwasher too.
Tidying up his room (with supervision/help)

I disagreement with some of the PPs on here - you can definitely get a lazy five year old! My DS used to ask me to do so many things for him that he would be more than capable of doing and I would challenge him and he would giggle and say 'pleaseeeee' as he couldn't be bothered. I think teaching independence at this age is great but I do agree that it's a sensitive time to be doing it, even if you started it before the baby arrived. Just judge it as you go - watch to see how he is and if he starts acting out or misbehaving etc then you'll know he maybe isn't handling it as well as you planned and maybe give it a bit more time before pushing it again. You know your own child so you'll know if he's handling it well or not

*disagree

@PuntasticUsername Jesus Christ I wasn't calling him lazy for not getting ready for school I'm saying he is a generally lazy child which he is. He used to cry his eyes out about walking to school I know he is generally a lazy kid he doesn't want to walk anywhere etc. please get your facts right

Children need to be able to dress themselves by the time they go to school, including putting their coats on. I work as a supply teacher with little ones and getting them changed for PE is a nightmare. Some can do it themselves, many just stand around barely trying. I always tell them to try, try and try again and then help each other, otherwise they will never learn. Of course I help if they are still struggling, but imagine a class of 30? PE lessons get to be quite short as a result of this problem. You are doing the right thing, but need to make sure your son does not feel pushed out, I would say no tv until he is dressed and also cut the time down as it seems a lot.

Remember op he is still only 5 and still needs his mum. Does he do the things properly, I still have to guide my 6 year old how to brush his teeth properly and rinse the shampoo out of his hair. He still needs mum there!

Congratulations! I don't understand the negativity in this page. Isadora makes a good comment. Your doing great, older children are often the most independent and your job as a parent is partly to teach independence. X

I'm pretty confident I have my facts right OP, thanks all the same.

@PuntasticUsername your very well off so don't be so sure you know someone by a few paragraphs I could of bored everyone with pages and pages explaining everything so bore off.

Sigh.

The point is that it is harmful for him to grow up knowing his mum thinks he's lazy. Google 'self fulfilling prophecy'. You're creating the lazy child right now.

I don’t think your being hard on him at all. It’s good to encourage him to be independent and getting himself dressed and washed at 5 is not unreasonable.
I have a close friend who still has to get her ds washed, dressed, teeth cleaned and wipe his bottom and he’s 9! Drives me insane!

Start saving for dentist fees then. Five year olds don’t have the manual dexterity to get their teeth properly clean.

I’ve a feeling you started this thread because someone in your life feels you’re too hard on your son, and you’re not listening to them either...

It sounds fine, try not to stress. Early days with a baby are always a bit wobbly for everyone so just go with what works for you as you're the one who has to pick up the pieces if it doesn't.

puntastic maybe try not to be quite so spiteful to someone asking for reassurance.

I know you are probably exhausted from your new baby, but he isn't lazy, he is 5, not 15. He needs to be helped too, and made to think he matters just as much as your baby.

I have a lazy 7 year old. She can obviously get herself dressed etc. However as I have a broken leg (kinda like a new baby) I have just spent 10 minutes reassuring her by getting her dressed and doing her hair. Now she knows I'm still capable of putting her first she is onside with being my can do grown up for the rest of the day.

5-7 year olds often go on strike when in need of mothering.

Also no TV in our house till all jobs done.

My older 2 were both dressing etc by 4 as they are close in age. The young one learned very quickly from helping me to help her older sister. Best advice with 2 DC is to parent together rather than sequentially and then carve out bits of individual attention for fun 1-1 times.

5 is too young to clean teeth without adult help as well imo. Not just watching

Make sure you keep brushing his teeth. He won’t be able to do a good enough job of that yet.

It used to be every single morning and then he would cry about walking to school ( oh wait that's not lazy)

No it's not lazy. It's called being a child. Loads of children cry and moan about doing anything.

I can't help wonder if this is a just a brag. 'My 5 year old can do all this, bet yours cant'

Can't work out why else you would post. You think you might be being to harsh, but say he is happier. So why would you worry you are being to hard if you can see he is happier?

You should be brushing his teeth, think the recommendation is until 8. I think encouraging independence is good but sometimes my nearly 5 year old will ask for help, not because he's lazy or can't do it, but because I'm his mum and he sees me helping the other two little ones and wants me to go him.

PS No point instilling non-laziness in a 5 year old. Once the teenager gene kicks in they are all self-centred lazybones. If you don't work out how to deal with your frustration with a 5 year old DS good luck dealing with him when he is 15.

My dcs are 6&9. They can get dressed themselves, sort out their own breakfast and pack their own school bad etc.

However I still helped them with these things when they were 5, because they were only 5! Still so little. Yes encourage independence but you can do it nicely. 3 week old babies don’t do anything, you can put them down to help another child!

I bet you when your baby is 5, you’ll be softer with them because you’ll realise, with hindsight, that they’re actually only little.

He fully understands I need him to do things for himself
He's 5. He understands that he needs his Mum there to encourage and support him and make him feel loved, not that he needs to be uber-independent because Mum has new priorities. There's encouraging an element of independence for his sake and there's making him self-reliant for your convenience - this sounds more like the latter.

Those that are still helping their 5 year olds to get dressed, who helps them at school?
Whenever anyone posts on here about ‘school readiness’, they are told to make sure they can dress themselves/do buttons and zips etc. I made sure my DD could do all these things at 4, before she started school. My 3 year old is summer born so will be starting school at just turned 4, so I am teaching her these things now. She dresses herself every morning (occasionally goes to pre school with her top on backwards but it doesn’t cause any harm).

I've recently had a baby so have starting being strict with my son.

I think your very first sentence was the most honest, and not an unusual sentiment tbh. Lots of people, after having a new baby, suddenly see their older child as huge and almost grown up in comparison, rather than the very young child they still are, and suddenly expect more from them at a time when they most need reassurance and support.

By all means a 5 year old can get themselves up and dressed in the morning (with support), but they still need to be cared for and feel looked after. You are suddenly impatient now because you have other things to do, but it does sound like your son needs a little more from you than you want to give, which is sad.

Where has the OP said she doesn’t care for her son?!