Not helping my 5 year old

[paige789]

I've recently had a baby so have starting being strict with my son.
He's 5 and a half and in the mornings I get up and make him breakfast and that's it everything els he does himself like putting tv on, getting dressed, brushing hair, cleaning face and doing his hair etc. am I right to encourage him to do these things for himself ? What does everyone else's 5 year old do ?

DD is 4 and does all these things and has done since starting school in September. I make her breakfast and get her clothes ready but she gets herself dressed/brushes her teeth (and then I check)/has a wee and gets her shoes on and I do her hair.

DC2 is due any day so I think providing you introduced this as routine slightly before baby was born, which you say you did, then it's absolutely no problem at all. Kids love feeling independent. As PP said, it's just the timing. If he's happy enough doing it then don't worry.

My issue is where 5 year olds should be and a lot of people have stated there 5 years old can do it all

A lot of replies were from parents with girls and girls are different to boys so please ignore those replies.

I have lived through Ds at 5 and can honestly say he was capable but incapable of doing anything.

The shear mental effort to achieve these tasks would I think left him exhausted.
He too needed things passing to him but that was because, him wanting me to pass the juice actually meant can you pour the juice.

I would leave him his clothes laid out for school and I would tell him to get dressed.

I would keep going in his room to make sure he was up and sometimes after 45 minutes he had managed to take his pyjamas off and put his pants on.

But then get confused when I popped my head round the door and think it was night time because he felt tired and take the pants off and put his pyjamas back on.

Everything had to be done for him.

He had no concept of time. I doubt many 5 year olds can gauge what 25 minutes feels like.

I used to dress him every morning. It was quicker.
At PE in school he was similar to at home as well as leading the other boys into flinging their clothes off everywhere when they were getting changed
He would regularly come home with another boys trousers on and vice versa.

I never for a minute thought he was lazy he just wanted attention because he was little.
I think giving in to him and babying him when he needed it has made him grow into the confident young man he is today

He is at college now and a really hard worker.

Dd was a lot more able to do everything but I still helped with anything she asked for or I knew would help her.
I would do the same until I was asked for them to do it themselves.

Non of this was laziness. It was testing that I was there for them.

I would worry if your Ds is no longer asking that he knows his place in the household and he is no longer worthy of your attention and he just has to get on with things.

What would you have done if you had children closer together in age.
Would you have expected a 2 year old to get themselves dressed for nursery because you had to wash bottles and pack a bag.

@PuntasticUsername when have I ever told him he's lazy oh wait I haven't, he doesn't think that I think he's lazy infact he thinks Im proud of him for doing well and being a big boy and doing things for himself.

Just to confirm with everyone ...
I wake him up at 6:45, take him downstairs make his breakfast, sit and chat to him for abit he then watches tv , I go upstairs to get ready, I call him up at 8am. I leave clothes laid out for him and he has a list of things to do to get himself ready ( which he enjoys doing) I am here to help him if he needs it. He is happy and I am happy I was just asking what age kids start to do things for themselves as I don't know as he is my first child so that's the point of this post to see if it's the right sort of age which people have stated that it is. I'm allowed to call my own son lazy because sometimes he can be! Genuinely has nothing to do with the baby as I would getting seriously fed up with his attitude that he couldn't even put socks on without causing a problem. Obviously him doing things does help me when I have the baby yes but my main reason why concerned about what age is appropriate etc.

Virtually every post you have labelled him as lazy and you don’t think he is going to pick up on it.

Children pick up on everything that crosses your face no matter how fleeting.

@Oliversmumsarmy unless he is going to log into mums net and read this then thens no chance he would ever think that I think he's lazy stop being a keyboard warrior thinking you know me when you don't seriously bore off.

Your child isn't lazy. He's doing everything for himself at 5 I think it's a bit harsh to cal him lazy.

My daughter on the other hand is, because she's nearly 6, she can do those things but chooses not to or makes up an excuse about not being able to. I will help her but she has no incentive to try to do it herself.

The fact your son has now got his routine down and is doing it for himself means he is not lazy.

The trouble with labelling a child lazy (or stupid, or clumsy, or anything else) is that, even if you only do so privately and never say the actual word in front of them, your attitude towards them starts to show. Children are little sponges, and they pick up on these things. Go into any KS1 classroom in the country and the children in there will know what adults think of them and their abilities without needing to be told.

I know you genuinely don't think you are projecting the feeling of your son being lazy, but you will be without realising it.

So you stick a five year old in front of the tv (which is totally distracting and absorbing at that age) for up to 45 minutes and get annoyed when he hasn't got dressed?!

I find it hard to do things if I'm engrossed in a tv show.

And you absolutely should be brushing his teeth. My brother is a dental hygienist and says most problems with kids tooth decay is from kids brushing themselves at too early an age.

Lazy? I don't think he's the lazy one here. You're also at setting him up to fail.

FWIW I still tie ds’s shoelaces of his work boots.

He has a problem with things that involve doing small things with his fingers

You can’t ask whether all children are doing X Y and Z at 5 or 6 years old because not all children are the same.

In ds’s class there was a child who taught herself to read at age 2 and ds learned to read at 12. Ds was walking at probably 8.5 months (he was a couple of weeks premature) but another child was 3.5 years before he took his first steps.

Ds only learned to put socks on when he was 14. Others could put them on at 4.

If your child is happy and capable of doing things then fine but why come on here and try and compare him to everyone else and say you are having to be strict with him because he is lazy.

Kids moan about doing all sorts of tasks. It is because they are kids not because they are lazy .

You seem very unaware about how small children see the world

Oliversmumsarmy both my boys could dress themselves at 5, in fact the older boy had been dressing himself for some time before he started kindergarten at 3. No buttons - we don't have school uniform - at 5 it was still probably joggers and t shirts, but he'd get his own clothes out too. It wasn't too much "sheer mental effort" for a boy

Younger one liked being babied, but once he started kindergarten I twigged that he wasn't doing what the older 2 had been at his age and that babying the youngest is unfair in all directions, so he was dressing himself before he was 4.

Of course they had a big sister, maybe her girl power spilled over...

Teeth brushing is different but boys can dress themselves from younger than 5 if no SN. Mine have all chosen their own clothes and put them on without any assistance or nagging by 5.

We've always had a rule that on school days nobody goes downstairs until they are dressed, which I'm sure is a massive incentive.

Oliversmumsarmy cross posted with your most recent post.

It is perfectly reasonable to ask about ball park averages!

You must know thst your DS was an unusually early walker but unusually late with all the fine motor skills.

That doesn't change the fact 12-14 months is average to walk and that not being able to put socks on at 14 indicates dyspraxia or another problem and isn't within the normal range. It's not wrong to say most kids can do that by age 4.

Ds1 (almost 5) I help him with the shower, he gets dressed, teeth brushed and face washed by himself (we supervise teeth on a Night) he gets dressed (uniform all in drawer) I sort breakfast. He's allowed to turn tv on and watch if all that is done before it's time to leave- also a lazy one. I find that stops him standing round with one sock on daydreaming for half an hour... ;)

As someone said above children are like sponges you don’t need to tell them anything but they will know.

I knew my mother hated me from the moment I was born.

She did all the right things, turned up to school nativities, made me food and gave me cuddles but I knew she was not safe.

I grew up knowing she didn’t want me.

Then after 8 years she tried to kill me. I used to check my food for as long as I can remember. So I was able to spot the ground up pills. Bits of white in spaghetti hoops.

No one could understand why as she had been the perfect mother but I knew.

So don’t tell me that just because you haven’t uttered a word to your Ds that he doesn’t know what you think of him.

We've always had a rule that on school days nobody goes downstairs until they are dressed, which I'm sure is a massive incentive

That would just mean they couldn’t go to school. The incentive would be not to get dressed so you couldn’t go downstairs so you wouldn’t be going to school.

@gotmybigbootson what are you talking about when have I said I get annoyed and yes I let him watch tv or play in the morning while he eats breakfast yes what does that have to of with anything

i have a four year old and have just had a baby a week ago, also have an 11 year old, and i’ve become less strict in the week since he became a big brother. it’s such a big change for them and i wouldn’t want to do anything that made them feel pushed out. i get my youngest up and ready - because if i let him do it himself he’d still be getting ready at teatime! i definitely do not allow tv in the morning until both the kids are fully ready to walk out the door - and i definitely wouldn’t let them sit and watch it for 45 minutes before school. i understand you wanting to get him doing stuff for himself but he’s still so young! maybe i just baby my children too much...

The incentive would be not to get dressed so you couldn’t go downstairs so you wouldn’t be going to school

Not for mine, she loves school.

Why on earth are you waking him at 6.45? Why don't you just get up and get yourself and baby sorted and then get him up, fed and out the door. He's probably tired and wondering why on earth he has to get up early only to sit around doing nothing being babysat by TV for the best part of an hour.

Oliversmumsarmy not for a typical 5 year old. Nobody's saying that would have worked for your son - presumably he's dyspraxic?

It is perfectly normal to ask about and talk about average whilst not expecting the same of children with specific issues. You know yoyr son was a non average early walker. You must know the things he was late with are also non average. That doesn't stop average existing.

@howabout firstly what does that have to do with you and secondly because he eats his breakfast and likes to watch tv and play before school if I woke him up at 8 and made him rush to get ready and wizz our the door he would be a seriously unhappy child but thanks for your irrelevant comment

Out *

You asked if YABU and seem to object to anyone even questioning whether you might be in any respect. If you wanted please only post to validate my actions you should have said so.