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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that after 20 years my stepfather could keep his mouth zipped...

29 replies

RainingAgain · 20/06/2007 20:19

He was a horrible man when i was a child. Violent and mentally abusive towards my mum and I. He made my life hell.

After all the awful things he did i have not forgotten or forgiven but i speak to him as i would any other person. I am civil and make small talk, so is/does he.

So why, at the age of 30 should i be bothered still by his name calling?

For example a few weeks ago he dropped my mum off at my house, leaned out of the car window and called me a bastard. He didn't shout it, but he said it loud enough for me to hear, while staring at me. I had done nothing, nothing at all apart from answering the door. This is just what he did when i was a child. I would walk past him to go to my room, or the kitchen and he would call me a slut, or a bitch or a twat, whatever sprung to mind really.

So tonight i phoned my mum and i can hear him calling me names in the background, taunting me. Problem is, my son (who strangely, he adores) was with them and heard it all.

I only called her to ask if i could borrow a loaf of bread ffs...it doesn't take anything to set him off.

What is his f*ing problem? If i can forget the past then why cant he just keep it buttoned and act like an adult. He's an old man now and i'm not physically scared of him anymore but the name calling upsets me, and mum says nothing about it. Why should i have to put up with this? I'm not a bad person, i dont cause trouble, i dont scrounge from them, i dont put on them in any way, i go to work, i look after my kids...why does he hate me so much?

OP posts:
Spandex · 21/06/2007 06:37

What a horrible bully he sounds. Kick him into touch. Go right up to him next time he abuses you and say, "You are never ever seeing my children again, you evil foul mouthed abusive monster."

It sounds like to me you're almost accepting of this kind of behaviour yourself but you just wish he wouldn't do it in front of your children. Don't give him that power anymore.

Budababe · 21/06/2007 06:58

Sounds like he knows he can get to you through your DS. He can't hurt you anymore - you have proved that you are better than him and stronger than he thought. So he has ratched it up a bit.

How old is your DS? If he heard everything did he say anything to you about it?

You now need to show this guy just HOW strong you are. You need to face him and tell him it is unacceptable and that if he EVER EVER calls you or anyone in your family a name like that again that you will stop all contact.

That way the ball is in his court (and your mother's) - his choice whether he wants to play his silly games or see your DS. You say your DS loves him - is it reciprocated?

Spandex · 21/06/2007 07:04

And the name calling still bothers you because it's bang out of order.

I'm surprised you have any contact with him at all after his behaviour. Get rid. I'm sorry but I feel so very very angry for you. Don't expose your DS to this kind of behaviour and let him start to think it's ok to treat people this way. Awful.

I'll shut up now!

Take care.

WinkyWinkola · 21/06/2007 21:30

RainingAgain,

Hope you're ok. Wondering what's happened / what you've decided..

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