Regret renting our room to very noisy mum and child

[Us1945]

Hello everyone

So I am actually quite understanding and so is my family about this situation. Il be honest it is getting me down though, I would like your opinions on who is being unreasonable.

My husband and I live with his family, they have rented a house for 15+ Years and we have a good relationship with our landlord. We all live together renting a room each. It is a 4 bedroom house. So it’s currently my husband and I, his cousin and wife. We then had another two empty rooms. We decided to stay living here as it has become our home and right now we can’t all afford to pay to live alone. So house sharing saves us a lot of money. If the spare rooms aren’t rented, we cover the cost of everything. So realistically we need to share a 2 bedroom house rather than a 4 bedroom but because we’ve been here so many years, we just keep staying. I suppose we feel comfortable here. It’s always been family here however the brother has now moved out with his wife and got his own mortgage. Our cousin then moved out, so we had 2 empty rooms and no extra rent contributions.

We rented one room to a lady who is okay. She keeps herself to herself and we rarely see her.

The second room we rented to a lovely lady, however she has a 10 year old son...
We talked about this before and decided that it would be fine with us if they live here, the lady is lovely and she is tidy. She doesn’t have people around and we trust her.

The issue is her child. He shouts, screams and has a massive meltdown about absolutely everything. I think she is scared of him, he is 10! She never disciplines him and his horrible behaviour is giving me a headache constantly. Day and night he shouts, threatens her and it can be quite disrespectful in my eyes. Not once have I heard her try to tell him off. I think she should be telling him that he needs to be quite because other people live here too. We all have work, I wake at 5.30am and everyone else is up by 6.30am.

The bad behaviour comes at certain times, whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. He cries and screams like a baby. I heard him say to her last week “if you don’t give me it I will slap you”!!! Can you believe this?? From a 10 year old.

The noise is one thing but listening to the way he treats her is worse. She is too soft on him and I feel sorry for her. They have lived here for 2 months and it’s clear that she has no respect for us.

She doesn’t apologise for the noise, or try to tell him off. I can’t deal with the noise. He is so loud shouting at her constantly im sure the neighbors can hear him.

So like I said, my husband and his cousin obviously hear him too. They aren’t saying anything though. It’s me who wants to go and speak to her about it. AIBU?? I just want a peaceful house... weve lived here 15 years. The landlord doesn’t care, he comes around once a month however he leaves the house to the family to rent themselves or rent a room etc. As long as the place is clean, rent is paid etc, he is okay.

I can’t go and say anything to her because it would be like “hey your son is a disrespectful brat who needs to be told”

“ can you tell him to shut up I’ve got work in the morning “ that kind of conversation

What would you recommend?

Let it continue...
Move out to our own flat & pay a fortune in rent...
Ask them to leave...

I don’t think the others are as bothered as I am, that’s why I am asking for advice? They hear his shouting and bratty behaviour but kind of ignore it... should I too? I just hate noise... nothing worse than having to listen to someone elses kid being a brat. If it’s my own child that’s different but I don’t see why his behaviour should be affecting all of us too. He’s not my child, I work hard and deserve to come home to a peaceful house and relax!

She is renting a room.. not a flat.. not a house. So im reluctant to say anything to her as I get the feeling maybe she’s struggling. Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling. It’s all confusing but other than that, she’s very nice maybe she has some problems and she babies him and doesn’t want to tell him off.. who knows. She can raise him how she wants but she should have respect for her other house mates. AIBU?

Thank you

Thank you @IrmaFayLear I totally agree. Different cultures live differently, it’s a lot more common in London. When I lived more closer to the countryside it was never seen. Now in London it seems everyone I work with is sharing or renting a room. They just don’t earn enough or they want to save up. Thanks for your comment x

I'm not sure that people are twisting what you say. Ii think it's more a case of you being unclear on the one hand, and very judgemental on the other.

Oh Dear - I do feel for you OP.

Did you not realise that some people on this site and in AIBU in particular just want to disagree, argue and contradict you. They have no interest in helping you or advising you.

It doesn't matter if you spelled out your concern in block capitals and had neon arrows pointing to it - you were bound to get the numb nut replies from the (thankfully few) narrow minded twerps that lurk the corridors of AIBU.

And those that now want you to turn detective and get the woman deported are hilarious. Some people on this site live on their own planet - and thank fuck I don't live there with them.

My advice - get out now OP before they drive you crazy or lure you to the dark side.

Judgemental? The OP?

Fuck sake this thread has turned another corner!

Absolutely bonkers some of you.

Sorry you are getting stick.

Last time I looked at this thread you (the op) had decided to find a place of your own.

The only solution I can think of is you speaking quietly to the woman and asking her to tell her son to tone it down a bit as it is annoying to others. Actually you could speak to both of them. Not unreasonable.
However I said that before. I think others did too.

Hope all goes well.

Talk to her. Ask how she is, how shes finding his behaviour, if its been worse since moving into the room etc.
Personally next time I heard him making threats I would go and knock on the door and say to the boy that's not a nice way to talk to your mum and ask the mum if she's OK and if shed like to come and have a cup of tea with you while son calms down.
Children often respond better to someone other than their parent and it sounds like the mum could use some support.

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare OP. Feel sorry for you & the lady & her son too. What has your DH said about all this? Is he up for moving into a place of your own or is he insistent on staying put because he doesn't see the issue?

I like her being here! She is no problem I don’t want her to leave. I’ve never said that.

Well there clearly is a problem or you wouldn't have posted. Good grief, take control of your life and start making decisions about things yourself like an adult! You have three choices here: Move out. Go to the woman and tell her the child's noise is bothering you. Take it up with the landlord and say the child's noise is bothering you.

What answers are you looking for here? Who here is going to tell you why the woman chooses to rent a room with her ten-year-old son and why is that even important? It's a free world, she can rent anything on the open market that she feels like and can afford. Why are you obsessing about her motivation? Talk about a waste of energy.

What a bizarre thread!

OP I don’t know what you are looking for here but next time the child kicks off why don’t you knock on the door and gently ask if everything is ok, explain you could hear a lot of noise, ask if you can help?
If the child’s behaviour is causing you a problem you can tactfully say so. Chances are Mum already knows and is doing her best. Sometimes the best for a child isn’t matching their anger with a good old telling off, sometimes that can make things worse. I’m sure she is doing her best but might welcome some help and friendship - hell the child might too.

I was literally asking if there’s any way to try and get the child to be quieter seeing as I wake up for work early and he is very loud

How late into the night is the boy making noise?
What time in the evening would you like the noise to stop? What time of night is the boy shouting until?
Have you asked the mother if she can persuade the boy to be quieter? Of course, if her son is regularly threatening to assault her the mother may well struggle to control his noise.

To PPs saying it's a Tory thing ... yes, the austerity measures and the new universal credit are shocking. However multiple occupancy and families living in one bedroom houses were a factor through the Sixties. There are underlying reasons not least the increase in population including increased longevity, the right to buy ref council houses (a Tory policy not rescinded by Labour) and the impoverishment over 20 years of councils by central govt meaning most can't or won't build new stock, the lack of social housing and the ease with which housebuilders can reduce the amount of affordable homes after planning is granted, the lack of restriction (now gradually being changed by this govt) on foreign investors mass-buying central city properties. And I hate to say this, but the huge increase in double-income families has edged prices up continuously, to say nothing of the bank of mum and dad and grandparents.

OP I know you're planning to find somewhere else. Do talk to the lady and find out what's wrong if you can. Even chat to the lad if he's ever by himself. It could be she's fled an abusive partner whose son has picked up his attitudes to her, her son is just angry at living where he is and blames it on his mother, or he has MH issues that only emerge when he's alone with her. Only she knows.

And like others, I wouldn't be surprised if the house is wholly unregistered and unlicensed and that your cousin-in-law who is the main tenant but who has moved out is probably getting a fee for managing the place. As for your rent going up when there are fewer people - did I get that right? - is not on. That's the landlord's risk. And you paying for repairs? that should be on the landlord's shoulders. Are there any fire alarms/carbon monoxide alarms? How is it insured? If you insure your household items, do you say you're in a MO house?

Whatever happens with the lady and her son, you're right to get out.

"Im sorry but the behaviour I whitness everyday is unacceptable."

That is how it is with some children. If the landlord is happy for them to stay you either have to put up with it or live somewhere else.

Re lack of housing, lets not forget the elephant in the room, immigration

Re lack of housing, lets not forget the elephant in the room, immigration
Yeah remember that time when those immigrants sold off all our council houses and then never built any more. Bastards.

It is reasonable to say she should consider other people when her ds is making so much noise. However I still feel really sorry for the boy. Perhaps his dm doesn't earn enough or she's trying to save money but he didn't ask to live like that and I really don't think it's an appropriate setting for a child.

Why is everyone so bothered about the landlord and his house? It’s none of my business and none of yours.
Because it makes quite a big difference to the potential situation the woman is in.
And it is sort of your business I'd you're involved in dodgy subletting but it's ok because the landlord doesn't mind a tenant subletting his house to people and giving these tenants no rights. Sounds like a really nice guy there.

It is indeed a fact that uncontrolled immigration is the main factor behind the housing shortage here, but as someone said, mentioning that fact has become 'the elephant in the room'

gamerwidow
Yeh. Those bloody immigrants at it again. Selling off all our council houses.
As for the scandal that tax payers money goes into the private landlords pockets. It is a governmental scandal. Unfortunately Maggie thatcher for some baffling reason decided to ring fence the money from the sale off of the council houses and not build any more. The cash now has long since been spent.

SusannahL
Hello. You again. 🙄

What a strange way to live....

And I only know people who rent house shares in London in their 20s and single. When they're in a long term relationship they rent a one bed/ studio or max a 2 bed with close friends as couples.

It must be suffocating for them to live there. If they don’t feel welcome in the communal areas, noone sits down in the evenings to watch tv/chat... Not the kind of houseshare I’d ever like to be in.

You are not renting a room though. It's not fair. Either you are renting a room or the house.

If you are renting a room -your rent doesn't change.

What rights do you actually have on paper?

Could you come home and find yourself locked out? Raises bigger issues.

I would speak to her and say you have overheard threats of violence and it is worrying you and if it happens again you will report it. To school, SS or whatever.

OP, I was with you until you recent outburst. In your original post you asked what kind of woman moves in a room with a 10 year old- this invites speculation as to her situation surely? You also asked what you should do- talk to her, ask her to leave or move out. You suggested all the options that are being considered. Quite why you are astounded as to the context of this discussion, I don’t know.

Yes, some of the posts judging your living situation or questioning the legality are all a little out of scope. But your own response seems to condemn those addressing issues you specifically raised.

You make it clear you can’t live like this. So speak to her first then consider other options if it doesn’t improve.

How did 'uncontrolled immigration' come into this discussion? From my experience, immigrants usually do their best to behave decently and blend in.

There is a housing shortage in places like London but I can't say I've seen much of a problem around where I live. People do what they can afford. I'd think it's not unusual for a mother and child to live in one room, it won't be forever and they probably can't afford anything bigger so what is the alternative? I didn't have to do it but wouldn't have thought twice about it had it been the only option. Watch 'Call the Midwife' to see how people lived in bygone days. Not the end of the world. Of course, kids need their own room when they reach puberty.

I hope the op has gone through with their decision to get own place - but the solution in current situation is to speak to the woman and child.