Regret renting our room to very noisy mum and child

[Us1945]

Hello everyone

So I am actually quite understanding and so is my family about this situation. Il be honest it is getting me down though, I would like your opinions on who is being unreasonable.

My husband and I live with his family, they have rented a house for 15+ Years and we have a good relationship with our landlord. We all live together renting a room each. It is a 4 bedroom house. So it’s currently my husband and I, his cousin and wife. We then had another two empty rooms. We decided to stay living here as it has become our home and right now we can’t all afford to pay to live alone. So house sharing saves us a lot of money. If the spare rooms aren’t rented, we cover the cost of everything. So realistically we need to share a 2 bedroom house rather than a 4 bedroom but because we’ve been here so many years, we just keep staying. I suppose we feel comfortable here. It’s always been family here however the brother has now moved out with his wife and got his own mortgage. Our cousin then moved out, so we had 2 empty rooms and no extra rent contributions.

We rented one room to a lady who is okay. She keeps herself to herself and we rarely see her.

The second room we rented to a lovely lady, however she has a 10 year old son...
We talked about this before and decided that it would be fine with us if they live here, the lady is lovely and she is tidy. She doesn’t have people around and we trust her.

The issue is her child. He shouts, screams and has a massive meltdown about absolutely everything. I think she is scared of him, he is 10! She never disciplines him and his horrible behaviour is giving me a headache constantly. Day and night he shouts, threatens her and it can be quite disrespectful in my eyes. Not once have I heard her try to tell him off. I think she should be telling him that he needs to be quite because other people live here too. We all have work, I wake at 5.30am and everyone else is up by 6.30am.

The bad behaviour comes at certain times, whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. He cries and screams like a baby. I heard him say to her last week “if you don’t give me it I will slap you”!!! Can you believe this?? From a 10 year old.

The noise is one thing but listening to the way he treats her is worse. She is too soft on him and I feel sorry for her. They have lived here for 2 months and it’s clear that she has no respect for us.

She doesn’t apologise for the noise, or try to tell him off. I can’t deal with the noise. He is so loud shouting at her constantly im sure the neighbors can hear him.

So like I said, my husband and his cousin obviously hear him too. They aren’t saying anything though. It’s me who wants to go and speak to her about it. AIBU?? I just want a peaceful house... weve lived here 15 years. The landlord doesn’t care, he comes around once a month however he leaves the house to the family to rent themselves or rent a room etc. As long as the place is clean, rent is paid etc, he is okay.

I can’t go and say anything to her because it would be like “hey your son is a disrespectful brat who needs to be told”

“ can you tell him to shut up I’ve got work in the morning “ that kind of conversation

What would you recommend?

Let it continue...
Move out to our own flat & pay a fortune in rent...
Ask them to leave...

I don’t think the others are as bothered as I am, that’s why I am asking for advice? They hear his shouting and bratty behaviour but kind of ignore it... should I too? I just hate noise... nothing worse than having to listen to someone elses kid being a brat. If it’s my own child that’s different but I don’t see why his behaviour should be affecting all of us too. He’s not my child, I work hard and deserve to come home to a peaceful house and relax!

She is renting a room.. not a flat.. not a house. So im reluctant to say anything to her as I get the feeling maybe she’s struggling. Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling. It’s all confusing but other than that, she’s very nice maybe she has some problems and she babies him and doesn’t want to tell him off.. who knows. She can raise him how she wants but she should have respect for her other house mates. AIBU?

Thank you

I think it would be mean to give her notice. I bet its really difficult to find a reasonably priced room in London give her a break. What does the poor boy do does he have a place to watch some telly and play?

We shouldn’t have agreed to let them live here
I thought you said you had no say in it?

Maybe there's more to it - he could have special needs. But it sounds as thought not much thought was gone into seeing whether renting the room out to them was mutually the right thing to do. A good thing to think of next time. Is the landlord not involved in any of this letting process??

Of course I understand that. The family always say that it’s their house. You are right it’s not. They seem to think because they’ve been here so long and the tenancy is in their name that they own it. That’s a incorrect attitude to have tbh. I am just going along the same path because when any extra costs arise, the family get charged but the other tenants dont. So for example if this lady decides to move out... my rent will go up. My rent should be fixed but it isn’t. Because we are family they are taking the piss out of me. My husband doesn’t stand up to them, I know that. But hey what’s the alternative? Pay for a place of our own. We are trying o save. Also I’ve lived in houses before with 4 bedrooms all rented out by a landlord? The landlord had multiple houses, was that illegal then? Renting rooms is not illegal as long as the landlord knows all the details. Anyway it’s not my business you are right. I think it’s time to move out

The arrangement doesn't work for you anymore does it? If it wasn't a noisy child, it could be someone who's keeping odd hours, or plays a musical instrument or anything.

You sound like you have 'outgrown' the young houseshare thing, but now seeing the downsides of housesharing with older people with responsibilities.

How long are you going to continue with various houseshares? Forever?

I don’t but he asked for our opinions.. I said do what you like it’s up to you. I think she is nice anyway so I wasn’t bothered. Of course he will ask our opinions in conversation he’s my cousin. Are we not allowed to chat about things??

Older people and families in house shares is a pretty grim development

This isn't a family house, it's just a house they've continued to rent for a long time.

It no longer suits the family to rent it as such, it's too big and expensive for those who need to rent, so you are stuck with randoms sharing.

Have you looked at the costs and options of renting a 1 bed place for just you and DH ? Or even a different houseshare? (You don't need to stay in exactly the same area.)

Not forever I can move out but in London for some reason everyone houseshares... I actually love my own space... but everyone else just wants to save money. I can see both sides but it would be lovely to have our own space. We are still young newlyweds.. I think we should be enjoying our time together. His brother lived in a house share with his wife untill they were 35. Thats how they saved for a mortgage in London. They have a nice home now. So I don’t know which way is right. Like I said this is a new thing. Only since the family members moved out the cousin decided to rent out the 2 rooms. This is a new experience. Before it was just us family. It wasn’t perfect but I suppose we felt at home so we didn’t mind sharing.

Im realising now that its not a good idea anymore. But this is what everyone here does in London to save... I actually thought it was normal. Well at least thats what people are telling me. It’s quite expensive to live here. But yes I think a 1 bedroom apartment would be nice

I am just going along the same path because when any extra costs arise, the family get charged but the other tenants dont
So you share the cost of the house between who ever is living there... Does the single lady have a fixed rent? If so, that's between her and the landlord, and it seems odd he would rather give a better deal to a stranger than his family. But that's between you and him.
Of course you should discuss things, but you have clearly stated two completely different things there.

It’s not a HMO (house of multiple occupancy) if the house is rented to family members, however loose the family connection (ie not blood relatives). So say, MIL, cousins, grandparents, stepchildren Etc.

Well OP, i moved out of London to outside the M25 nearly 9 years ago, but back then, no, not everyone houseshared. Young, single people houseshared, and sometimes groups in their mid-20s of couples shared (importantly, a group who were friends and actively went to look for a whole house to rent together, not joining established houseshare), but most people who were mid-20s or older in couples rented 1 or 2 bed flats, and single people getting closer to 30 rented 1 bed /studio.

It was unusual for a married couple to houseshare. Your DH's family and friends might be very unusual in that.

Talk to your bil and say that either they move out or you will if the noise continues. As long as you can get Dh on board. Maybe that might make him a bit more concerned.

That’s his mums problem for renting a room for herself and her son. Nothing to do with me if she can’t provide a normal life for him. Yes we have a dining room and living room, tv, xbox and garden. But in my eyes she should be living in a bedroom with a 10 year old. Im actually starting to question whats lead her down this path? Im a bit worried to ask incase she wants to keep it private. I can’t stop her from moving in here. My cousin in law rented her a room. I have my views but ultimately they are going to do what they want. I could have said I don’t want them moving in but it’s not really my place to say.

If others in the house are quiet, the mum maybe doesn’t realise how much can be heard. Doesn’t make the child’s attitude right though.

Sorry meant she shouldn’t be renting one room with her son. Thats odd

Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling

Maybe have a read of some of the Universal Credit threads? Single parents are going to be the worst hit. This is just the start of it. Unfortunately, people are simply going to blame the single parent for being single and not look at the wider issue.

I can see where everyone is coming from thank you for the replies

Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling

Oh welcome to real life today! This is very normal and the 'help' you speak of....in London this is it! She has probably been helped. To get a room in a shared house. They don't care if people have kids.

Sorry it’s hard to give the whole story It’s so much info, but yeah the arrangement does seem to take the mick. I just go along with it as previously I’ve had arguments with certain in laws and I like to keep the peace now. Maybe I should stand up for myself and actually move out. I can see now how it’s a bit odd. Why don’t they just rent a 2 bedroom house if they wanted to save money and share. I don’t see why they kept the 4 bedroom house. Waste of time and worry about renting the spare rooms. We don’t need to share 4 bedrooms, fair enough if we got a 2 bed flat and shared between us. 2 cousins and 2 wives, we might like it, but hanging onto the house because they’ve lived here so many years is stupid. I think it’s time we all moved on I agree

"Sorry meant she shouldn’t be renting one room with her son."

Fucking hell you are judgemental. There's whole families living in one room, provided by the Council, when they've become homeless.

"normal life", well that's going out of the window. This is the new norm, this and food banks.

"Doesn’t make the child’s attitude right though."

He sounds very angry. You haven't bothered to chat to her, to find out possibly why or were that anger is coming from. My middle DD reacted to my DH's death with anger. We'd lost our home, but living Up North meant I got a Council, then private rental.

You don't know what either of them has faced to end up in 'one room'. She may be terrified that if she trys to discipline him, he will get worse and they'll be out.

You are so callous, it's unreal.

First step would be to talk to her nicely
Next step house meeting without her, see who else has complaints about noise.
Ask landlord to speak to her and give warning about noise levels.
Finally if all in agreement then request your landlord serve her notice. Section 21 may actually do her a favour, she can take it to council and eventually get a 2 bed home. It cant be healthy for that boy to be cooped in a room with his mum.
And to all those asking "Oh what if he has SEN???"
My child has ASD and ADHD I sure as hell dont take crap from him, I try to manage his noise or if i can't, I will then take him outside and away from others and I would be apologising profusely to anyone he may have disturbed!
This 'parent' sounds like she doesn't give a shit about the disturbance.

"Maybe I should stand up for myself and actually move out"

Yes you should. Better still, you and your DH should be making your own arrangements to properly start your married life. From the sounds of it you are getting as much enjoyment put of the house as you would a bedsit type place.

If you're moving into a single rented room with your child then you could well be pretty desperate - escaping abuse, violence, no family to help. Her child could well be pretty traumatised. His threats of slapping might be learned from the person they are escaping. She might be struggling to cope with holding her shit together at all, let alone disciplining her child appropriately and facing up to the neighbours. She might be too ashamed to bring the topic up and apologise; hoping that if no-one says anything then maybe they aren't really pissed off. She might be trying to control him quietly, knowing there's already enough noise as it is.

Obviously you are more than entitled to complain, but equally it could help if you offer comfort/advice/support - maybe do both at once!