Regret renting our room to very noisy mum and child

[Us1945]

Hello everyone

So I am actually quite understanding and so is my family about this situation. Il be honest it is getting me down though, I would like your opinions on who is being unreasonable.

My husband and I live with his family, they have rented a house for 15+ Years and we have a good relationship with our landlord. We all live together renting a room each. It is a 4 bedroom house. So it’s currently my husband and I, his cousin and wife. We then had another two empty rooms. We decided to stay living here as it has become our home and right now we can’t all afford to pay to live alone. So house sharing saves us a lot of money. If the spare rooms aren’t rented, we cover the cost of everything. So realistically we need to share a 2 bedroom house rather than a 4 bedroom but because we’ve been here so many years, we just keep staying. I suppose we feel comfortable here. It’s always been family here however the brother has now moved out with his wife and got his own mortgage. Our cousin then moved out, so we had 2 empty rooms and no extra rent contributions.

We rented one room to a lady who is okay. She keeps herself to herself and we rarely see her.

The second room we rented to a lovely lady, however she has a 10 year old son...
We talked about this before and decided that it would be fine with us if they live here, the lady is lovely and she is tidy. She doesn’t have people around and we trust her.

The issue is her child. He shouts, screams and has a massive meltdown about absolutely everything. I think she is scared of him, he is 10! She never disciplines him and his horrible behaviour is giving me a headache constantly. Day and night he shouts, threatens her and it can be quite disrespectful in my eyes. Not once have I heard her try to tell him off. I think she should be telling him that he needs to be quite because other people live here too. We all have work, I wake at 5.30am and everyone else is up by 6.30am.

The bad behaviour comes at certain times, whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. He cries and screams like a baby. I heard him say to her last week “if you don’t give me it I will slap you”!!! Can you believe this?? From a 10 year old.

The noise is one thing but listening to the way he treats her is worse. She is too soft on him and I feel sorry for her. They have lived here for 2 months and it’s clear that she has no respect for us.

She doesn’t apologise for the noise, or try to tell him off. I can’t deal with the noise. He is so loud shouting at her constantly im sure the neighbors can hear him.

So like I said, my husband and his cousin obviously hear him too. They aren’t saying anything though. It’s me who wants to go and speak to her about it. AIBU?? I just want a peaceful house... weve lived here 15 years. The landlord doesn’t care, he comes around once a month however he leaves the house to the family to rent themselves or rent a room etc. As long as the place is clean, rent is paid etc, he is okay.

I can’t go and say anything to her because it would be like “hey your son is a disrespectful brat who needs to be told”

“ can you tell him to shut up I’ve got work in the morning “ that kind of conversation

What would you recommend?

Let it continue...
Move out to our own flat & pay a fortune in rent...
Ask them to leave...

I don’t think the others are as bothered as I am, that’s why I am asking for advice? They hear his shouting and bratty behaviour but kind of ignore it... should I too? I just hate noise... nothing worse than having to listen to someone elses kid being a brat. If it’s my own child that’s different but I don’t see why his behaviour should be affecting all of us too. He’s not my child, I work hard and deserve to come home to a peaceful house and relax!

She is renting a room.. not a flat.. not a house. So im reluctant to say anything to her as I get the feeling maybe she’s struggling. Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling. It’s all confusing but other than that, she’s very nice maybe she has some problems and she babies him and doesn’t want to tell him off.. who knows. She can raise him how she wants but she should have respect for her other house mates. AIBU?

Thank you

I can understand why people are asking questions, because this just seems like a poor quality of life for all concerned. I lived in London throughout the 90s, and while there was plenty of house sharing among single people (I did it myself for a while) once people were coupled up or had kids they always got some kind of a flat, even if it was only a grotty bedsit. And my friends weren't working particularly fancy jobs! Which was fine to me, its a bit of a right of passage to live in a shithole when you are young, I reckon. But this is different, and I'm horrified to hear that people with children are having to live like this, the UK is one of the richest countries in the world FFS! Maybe I'm living in an ivory tower (I don't live in the UK now) but this has really surprised and shocked me.

Me too! Surprised and shocked at it happening, but also at how normal people think it is. It's terrible.

Why are you assuming that this is a grotty bedsit? I think that's really disrespectful to the OP. I just don't understand why you are making the assumption that it's not a nice place to live. Or that the mum is unhappy in her living situation.

Sorry but what mother shares a room with there 10 year old son? Why doesn't he have his own bedroom there is clearly a bigger issue here

That’s nasty . It’s a
Mother who probably doesn’t have any MONEY and can’t afford any better

OP this has been an interesting thread . The more I read the more I think a friendly and diplomatic approach is needed . And consider if the situation even can be fixed by yourself . The mum might need more help than is available

My work colleague lives in a large home like this (it’s a well off area ) with couples
Sharing a bedroom each and a large shared area

I don’t think people realise how bloody crippling London is these days

I’ll bet the mother for this room is easily paying £700 a month

I'm not judging the mother, I just think it's sad and would hate to be in that situation myself. I mean bringing your child to live in a house full of strangers, the other people could literally be anyone.

I didn't assume it was a grotty bedsit. I've lived in a grotty bedsit and would prefer it to living in a shared house, especially if I had a child. At least you have your own front door, and can have some privacy. I know London is stupidly expensive, more than ever, but while I do realise that many people have no choice but to live like this, I can still find it pretty appalling, and notice a definite shift for the worse in quality of life from when I lived in London.

Could you speak to the mother whilst the child is at school? Just saying you don't want to interfere or poke your nose into her business but you can hear how badly he speaks to her when they are in their room and wondered if she needed any help with anything. She might be relieved to be able to speak to someone...

I can't help feel that something dodgy is going on.
Landlord lets a property to cousin.
Cousin has all the paperwork.
Cousin then 'lets' rooms to family who pay the cousin ren't and allow the cousin to do everything with the landlord.
Some family leave and cousin continues to sublet two rooms to random people.

Do the new tenants have contracts with the actual landlord or the cousin as fake landlord?
Do the new tenants have fixed rates? Or have they signed up to fluctuating rents depending on who else is in the house?
If they have fixed rates direct to landlord then why don't You?
The landlord is apparnetly happy with the situation? Does that mean the house IS a licenced HMO with appropriate fire doors etc? Or is it a case of 'you've been there yeara and I'll turn a blind eye and not ask questions as long as my rent is paid'?

I wouldn't be surprised if this little arrangement is suiting the cousin just fine and he's making money from the situation which is why he doesn't want to downsize. He needs you and DH there to sub him through quiet months and then he can play property developer.

Sadly, women and children who are vulnerable often end up in dodgy (probably not licenced) HMOs because the rent is often a bit cheaper. They have no tenancy rights though if it is a dodgy set up.

The family are probably hanging on to the house as it is worth upwards of a few million, great security net, money is safe there. I would speak to the mother in the hearing of the boy and say it is disturbing your sleep and unfair on you and other house users. He might decide he is happy living there and doesn't want to move so might restrict his noise to day time only. He may have special needs but if he hasn't god knows how the mother will cope when he is 15.
She is being abused so I would say SS or the school should be involved. But try just asking politely for the noise to be reduced.

WitchyMcWitchface SS will not care about what this 10 year old is doing. Some people get punched and kicked every day by their children and SS have nothing to offer.

Of course this woman shouldn’t be living in a single room with her 10 year old son. What sort of society do we live in where this is their only option. No wonder her son is angry, what sort of situation have they left where this is their best option.
There has to be a tipping point soon we can’t just let the rich keep keeping richer while poor people end up in dire straits like this.

Ahhhhh, but this is the wonderful London that other threads have raved about. Of course with housing the price it is people have to house share.

I am in Scotland and I have seen support for mothers in this situation.

If you earn less than £40k as a household it is nigh on impossible to rent from a proper landlord.
My DSIS is a single parent, has 2 kids, works full time and is currently paying £1200 rent for a shit hole which doesn’t even have proper wiring (the entire upstairs is wired by extension leads under the floor). She can’t move to a legitimate let because proper agencies will not put her on her books because although she clearly can afford the rent (she has been meeting the rent for 3 years) she doesn’t pass their vetting checks because she doesn’t earn £40k plus and doesn’t know a homeowner who will be an guarantor. She has offered references and to pay 6 months in advance but no one will rent a house to her so she’s trapped with these fly by night landlords it’s immoral.

I knew a lady living in a houseshare situation with her son. She was here from Ghana and had absolutely no other choice. She wasn’t entitled to any benefits, or help with housing costs. It’s grim being in that situation. Please if you can have a chat with her about the noise, it sounds like a really nice place to live, her only other option may be the sort of situation that the lady I knew was in, she had an unscrupulous landlord who told her, if housing turned up, that her “nephew” was just visiting because he couldn’t have her son there.

The boiler wasn’t working in the dead of December, she came up to my house FREEZING. I sent her home with electric heaters, two weeks later, the landlord turned up and berated the whole house for using too much electric - rhe meter ran out, and he put rent up £100 on the spot each room. She said if anyone else would accept her she would have moved in a heartbeat, it took until April to have that boiler fixed. Life was really hard for them.

Please give them the chance to be quieter.

It’s all a bit grim. We are returning to the days of Victorian tenements where whole families end up sharing a single room.

Quite a bit of judgment going on here, culturally loaded and disrespectful in places too. So it’s odd for op to share a house with family for 15 years and she should move out with her husband, but the woman sharing a room with her 10 year old son is totally acceptable and deserving of sympathy. More single mothers than certain cultures on MN it would seem.

I can’t quite understand why op has to leave a house she has lived in for 15 years because a new tenant is causing her issues. Odd logic. The options are this:

A) speak to her and let her know the issues that you have. Make no comments on parenting style, just the nuisance it is causing you.

B) if things don’t improve after A), or if you don’t want to approach her- speak to the cousin and point out the issues you are having. Ask if they can request that she leaves (obviously giving her proper legal notice) and replace her with a more suitable tenant. Yes, this woman might have issues, but it’s not really your problem so if the living situation is untenable, ask her to go. Bear in mind that once you start letting to random people, you never know what you are getting and you may find similar versions of this problem arise. So you may want to consider C.

C) Move out. The other family members have gone so it’s no longer fit for purpose. Either get a new two bed place with the remaining family or bite the bullet and move out with your husband alone. The best course of action depends on the views of the other family involved and your financial situation.

Something definitely needs to change. Good luck!

Polarbearflavour I have to agree it seems like all the progress re social housing has been swept away and we should be grateful to live in a hovel. Bringing children up in one room is disgraceful.

I'd chat to her. She may need a mate.

It's probably time for you and DH to look for somewhere else. You've outgrown this setup, understandably.

It sounds dismal and I bet its unregulated.

Although if parents insist on living in Central London then I’m less sympathetic. Plenty of cheaper areas they could afford.

My parents reminisce about when they first purchased their first house in their early 20s. Entire house. Not flat. They say cheerfully that they were broke at the time. They weren’t well off but were able to pay the mortgage on a house, run a car and go out eating and dancing every weekend!

Compare that to the broke of today - sharing houses of multiple occupancy. A single mum and her child in one room. A married couple living in one room.

I lived in London for a long time. I flat shared with one other person at a time then when I met ex DP we moved into a large one bedroom flat in zone 3 before he purchased his first flat.

Then on other Mumsnet threads about income, 40% of MNers have salaries in the top 5%.

Maybe they will re open the workhouse for families that can't afford to rent a room

Agree that over the past 10 years or so we've seen a decline in living standards within the big cities. I saw something on TV about a guy who had lived in a block of 1 bed apartments in London for 20 years, he said it went from

• single people in a flat each with a bedroom and living room
• couples in a flat each/two sets of single people sharing, one in bedroom one in the living room
• 2 couples sharing the flat, one set in the bedroom and one set in tje luving room

And now we're reaching a point where even families have to share one room.

the living room*

I must admit I'm confused about how 'young newlyweds' have been housesharing for 15 years.