Regret renting our room to very noisy mum and child

[Us1945]

Hello everyone

So I am actually quite understanding and so is my family about this situation. Il be honest it is getting me down though, I would like your opinions on who is being unreasonable.

My husband and I live with his family, they have rented a house for 15+ Years and we have a good relationship with our landlord. We all live together renting a room each. It is a 4 bedroom house. So it’s currently my husband and I, his cousin and wife. We then had another two empty rooms. We decided to stay living here as it has become our home and right now we can’t all afford to pay to live alone. So house sharing saves us a lot of money. If the spare rooms aren’t rented, we cover the cost of everything. So realistically we need to share a 2 bedroom house rather than a 4 bedroom but because we’ve been here so many years, we just keep staying. I suppose we feel comfortable here. It’s always been family here however the brother has now moved out with his wife and got his own mortgage. Our cousin then moved out, so we had 2 empty rooms and no extra rent contributions.

We rented one room to a lady who is okay. She keeps herself to herself and we rarely see her.

The second room we rented to a lovely lady, however she has a 10 year old son...
We talked about this before and decided that it would be fine with us if they live here, the lady is lovely and she is tidy. She doesn’t have people around and we trust her.

The issue is her child. He shouts, screams and has a massive meltdown about absolutely everything. I think she is scared of him, he is 10! She never disciplines him and his horrible behaviour is giving me a headache constantly. Day and night he shouts, threatens her and it can be quite disrespectful in my eyes. Not once have I heard her try to tell him off. I think she should be telling him that he needs to be quite because other people live here too. We all have work, I wake at 5.30am and everyone else is up by 6.30am.

The bad behaviour comes at certain times, whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. He cries and screams like a baby. I heard him say to her last week “if you don’t give me it I will slap you”!!! Can you believe this?? From a 10 year old.

The noise is one thing but listening to the way he treats her is worse. She is too soft on him and I feel sorry for her. They have lived here for 2 months and it’s clear that she has no respect for us.

She doesn’t apologise for the noise, or try to tell him off. I can’t deal with the noise. He is so loud shouting at her constantly im sure the neighbors can hear him.

So like I said, my husband and his cousin obviously hear him too. They aren’t saying anything though. It’s me who wants to go and speak to her about it. AIBU?? I just want a peaceful house... weve lived here 15 years. The landlord doesn’t care, he comes around once a month however he leaves the house to the family to rent themselves or rent a room etc. As long as the place is clean, rent is paid etc, he is okay.

I can’t go and say anything to her because it would be like “hey your son is a disrespectful brat who needs to be told”

“ can you tell him to shut up I’ve got work in the morning “ that kind of conversation

What would you recommend?

Let it continue...
Move out to our own flat & pay a fortune in rent...
Ask them to leave...

I don’t think the others are as bothered as I am, that’s why I am asking for advice? They hear his shouting and bratty behaviour but kind of ignore it... should I too? I just hate noise... nothing worse than having to listen to someone elses kid being a brat. If it’s my own child that’s different but I don’t see why his behaviour should be affecting all of us too. He’s not my child, I work hard and deserve to come home to a peaceful house and relax!

She is renting a room.. not a flat.. not a house. So im reluctant to say anything to her as I get the feeling maybe she’s struggling. Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling. It’s all confusing but other than that, she’s very nice maybe she has some problems and she babies him and doesn’t want to tell him off.. who knows. She can raise him how she wants but she should have respect for her other house mates. AIBU?

Thank you

Rachelover40 have you read the whole thread? No obviously not 🙄 there’s plenty of room that’s not the issue here.

Yes 2 bathrooms

Just a thought, if you think she may be scared of him, maybe approach her and say you've been reluctant to say anything, but you've heard how he behaves and is she ok? See where the conversation goes from there.

I actually feel really sorry for this lady that she can't afford something better for her and her ds. I have a 10 year old dd and I can't imagine asking her to share a bedroom in a house with strangers. I think it's a stressful arrangement for the boy and you have to cut him some slack. He has little privacy and space just to be a kid. It's not great for his dm either. Maybe you could get to know them a little bit and try to offer some support.

So many judgey comments about what is and isn't normal living situations, both from the OP and from others.
The reality is that in London, there are thousands of set-ups like this. How the hell else do you think people afford to live there. As for the idea that single people nearing 30 don't houseshare- pull the other one. There are loads of people having to houseshare into their 40s and beyond. It costs about £1200 a month to rent a one-bed or even a studio, and we're not even talking about nice areas here. If you're on an average salary, you can't afford that, so will have to settle for a room. Lots of couples have to live in houseshares too.

Maybe people like ordinarysnowflake was lucky to move in well-off circles or maybe she left London before it got ridiculously expensive, but housesharing beyond your early 20s is certainly nothing weird. Count yourself lucky that you avoided it.

Sorry but what mother shares a room with there 10 year old son? Why doesn't he have his own bedroom there is clearly a bigger issue here

It’s not a HMO (house of multiple occupancy) if the house is rented to family members, however loose the family connection (ie not blood relatives). So say, MIL, cousins, grandparents, stepchildren Etc.

It is a HMO - 3 or more family units is a HMO and there is now the OP, her husband, the cousin and his wife as one, the single woman as two and the woman and child as three.

OP does the landlord know that your DH's cousin has replaced the family members who left with unrelated people?
It wouldn't have been a HMO before when it was all family, but it is now.

I know multiple families who are poor (and often immigrants trying to make it in a new country) who are a whole family sharing a one bedroom apartment or renting a room in a house. It doesn't mean they are not loving caring functional hard working families. It just means that they don't at that moment in time have the financial means to manage larger accommodations. My housekeeper (an immigrant to the USA) lives with her husband and 2 children in a one bedroom apartment. Yes, it's not ideal, but it's allowed them to be able to save and pay for private recording school for their ds to pursue his dream career. It's just a matter of prioritizing expenses.

I am really surprised by how many of you are unfamiliar with people who don't prioritize the size of their living space over other things.

To be honest, OP, children make noise. A 10 yo boy cooped up in one room with tons of energy is bound to make a bit of noise.
The mum sounds nice, and I’m sure she is very aware of her son but what do you expect her to do?
I think you have to accept that HMOs are not your own personal space and part of life is putting up with a modicum of noise.
She pays her rent, she has equal rights to you.

Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling

housing benefit or the housing element of universal credit is not enough anymore to cover rent in high rental areas like London, so I can see why this sadly happens. It used to be enough but not since the welfare reforms of 2011.

And to follow from above, if the mum is working, rents in London are now so high I can understand why a person on one wage with a child cannot afford to rent a flat alone.

Sorry I missed or forgot where you said you have two bathrooms in the house.

Sounds as though you've made your mind up to move out now anyway so good luck with finding somewhere.

SofiaAmesnice to live on your planet

I realise this situation is very hard but it has to be handled very sensitively. My ds is asd and we lived in a first floor flat with a noise sensitive neighbour below. Trust me the mum will be aware of the behaviour and if she is anything like I was I put a smiling face on and just tried to carry on. The comment from a pp saying that they don't take any crap from their kid was not helpful at all. My ds can be extremely violent and abusive. This is not down to "taking crap".
The lady sounds like she needs access to support for her son. I would gently suggest that the school senco would be her first port of call who would have access to support networks. Please be kind op

choli I don't know what you mean by that? Is it meant to be sarcasm?

Your landlord is allowing your husbands cousin to sublet and create an HMO. The house should therefore be set up as an HMO - fire doors on all the bedrooms etc.

Your husband’s cousin is taking the piss expecting you to stump up the extra costs for redundant periods. You say you have a tenancy agreement. This should give you the fixed cost, which over the last 15 years will have gone up. You should now be on a periodic tenancy with a fixed cost and I don’t see how you can save money when you are stumping up money for others. It wouldn’t surprise me if your husbands cousin is paying no rent and actually making money out of this arrangement.

As for the woman and her child. I agree with talking to her about the noise and asking her if she’s ok. Of course it’s not ideal to be sharing a room with your child. But this is the reality for many people around the world. It also happens in the country but is much less common.

Sofiaames
I expect the comment is because you have a housekeeper, who lives in cramped conditions.

Could you invite her to have a cup of tea with you in the living areas? Maybe encourage her to use the living areas so they're not so cramped in the one room. I assume she's paying for use of those areas too, but not really using them?
Maybe the boy will chill out more then and be less of a disturbance.
Worth a try?

Sorry but what mother shares a room with there 10 year old son? Why doesn't he have his own bedroom there is clearly a bigger issue here

There isn't another bedroom. She probably couldn't afford it if there was.

The op has said that she will now look for somewhere else to live and in the meantime, will be nice to the woman who has the noisy son.

@Peakpants she left before London got expensive.

I've worked with people in a couple over 30 who are well-paid and live in houseshares. They live in the houseshares because with rent, council tax and bills they wouldn't be able to do anything such as go on holiday/traveling if they are from abroad, or save for a deposit if they are from the UK.

At least the OP has a living room. Most houseshares like that have no living room. Even if the landlord rents the property with one it is now common for tenants to ask for it to be used as a bedroom so they can share with another person and decrease their share of the rent.

OP, if your contract is for a single room, not the whole house, then your rent shouldn’t go up when the other rooms are unoccupied!

It’s a sign of the times that parents and children have to share a room in a house with strangers even though they are working. Op, no idea about the noise but he probably hates having to live like this and the mother is probably aware of his noise but is hoping no one complains as she probably has nowhere else to go. Very few landlords rent to people claiming housing help. It’s a viscous circle. I’d have thought you’d be more understanding given you also happen to rent a room in a shared house. I mean, who does that

Hah. Not a viscous circle. Not sure what that would look like.

Ahh, so should I only hire a housekeeper who doesn't live in cramped conditions? Or should I just not have a housekeeper and do the cleaning myself instead of working at a job that pays me more than I pay her. But then she wouldn't have a job and couldn't even earn enough to pay the rent in the place she does live in. As is, I pay her more than the minimum wage she could earn pretty much anyplace else given her limited english. My housekeeper is happy and healthy and works hard and follows the American dream. When I lived in London, things were pretty much the same. It's not dissimilar to the conditions in any major city in the world.

My family did the same when they first came to the US at the turn of the century. And I too when I was younger and starting out lived in cramped conditions while I saved up a deposit to buy my first apartment. I had lots of friends who chose not to live in cramped conditions and took twice as long to save enough to buy their first place.

In any case, the OP's house doesn't sound unpleasant at all, so I don't understand why so many people are upset about it. It sounds like the current conditions of several unrelated people living together is pretty new and I suspect that eventually they'll figure it all out. Though I don't know why some people are assuming that it's being done illegally and that there aren't fire doors on the bedrooms, etc.