To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

[Earlgreyrose]

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

Some of the comments on here are so snidey its unreal!!! Go for it op having a day to yourself is not a crime or mean to your children!!
It will give you some flexibility at work also, you can get errands etc done alot easier or be able to have a haircut in peace.
I might see things differently to others as my sen dd is easily stressed out in shops etc so i used to add on a later finish to a nursery day so i had time to grab some food shopping in peace and it really saved my sanity abit each week.
Although its not just sen reasons I would do it for its ok to just have some adult time and no reason why you should feel bad about that.
I work in a shop and often see parents runnjng errands and when we get talking they often say its there childs first week at school/nursery and there first day to be able to pop out alone and get things done and although some feel a twinge of sadness most genuinely are enjoying the little bit of time to themselves.x

notmorewashing.

What is this thing called 'guilt'? Of which you speak? I know not this emotion.

I think I'm going to go against the grain a little here.

I don't like young children, they bore the pants off me. However, I do love my children (before anyone stupidly asks why I had them). The best thing for any child is not to experience me at my most stressed, tired, snappy state. Not for us both to be bored with that extra day when I plop them in front of a screen so I can get things done.

I'm not sure why people think weekends are not actually days. I like me time, I don't go shopping as a family as I have a busy weekend. I get it out of the way first thing in the morning so Saturday is gym and extra curricular for ALL the family.

If I had an extra day, I'd gym, yoga, lunch, shop, errands and pick them up early, bake and cook with them (just like we do at the weekends), we'd be less busy and life would be grand. As for them experiencing shopping at 2.5 - really? Unless their of any use to me like at 6 or 7, they can sleep a little longer on a Saturday.

If you get pure joy from your kids, I commend you. I don't. And that's okay. For me personally we get more from each other now than we ever did then. Now is our time.

I did the same when my son was young. I found it extremely useful as he often got ill and I could then shuffle my work/study days around and not take too much leave for illness (Have a v flexible job and no family in area to help). I also used the buffer the extra day gave me to take him to the park on the way to nursery (he was an early riser and the park was en route) or pick him up early to have some extra time with him. I second the previous advice about using the extra time to get errands/housework done as this takes 10x as long with kids around and allows you to focus just on them when you're not working. If the cost is negligible you've got nothing to lose!

Sounds like a win-win to me. :)

You get some time to get the niggly jobs done, that build up during the week, and then will have more time in the end for the kids.

If it were me, I'd pick them up about 2 or 3pm, and take them for a treat. To a café, the park, or an hour in the soft-play. Whatever.

Absolutely fine - you don't have to use that day, but also do not feel guilty about having some time to do other things

"If you get pure joy from your kids, I commend you. I don't. And that's okay. For me personally we get more from each other now than we ever did then. Now is our time."

I love this Faultymain. Totally hits the nail on the head for me. Later primary and secondary age is where my parenting joy lies. That is ok. Some of the people who can't bear to be apart from their preschoolers will be desperate to get away from them once they are teenagers. If someone claims to be an equally good parent to their children at every age, I suggest that they are deluded.

I could understand if the parent has physical or mh problems, or if he child does and you actually need the respite. But this isn’t about having to be joined at the hip to your children every second. This is about someone who already has a break from their kids for the majority of the week. I’m sorry but I can’t get my head around choosing to have a days extra ‘break’ in those circumstances.
What about what the child wants? Does that count for nothing? The best and most valuable gift any parent can give their child is their time.

God no. I have one day off a week with my DS but quite often take a day of annual leave for myself and leave him in nursery. Kudos to all the perfect parents on here who delight in every moment spent with their precious cherubs, but personally I'm a much better parent the more time I've had to myself.

What about what the child wants? Does that count for nothing? The best and most valuable gift any parent can give their child is their time.

Actually speaking as someone who had a SAHM who was utterly miserable and desperate to be working, the best and most valuable gift any parent can give their child is to be sane and happy.

Well I did say if the parent has mental health problems (or isn’t ‘sane’ as you may prefer to put it) the child is probably better off in nursery.
But assuming no health issues I think it’s a sad state of affairs if 4 days a week break from your kids isn’t enough for you.

For context I have a friend who is a sahm to a child with severe disabilities. She looks after her child 7 days a week including a good proportion of most nights because he needs medicating and has disturbed sleep. She gets a measly few hours respite a week. Yet there are parents on here horrified at the thought of having to spend 3 daytimes a week with their healthy kids?????

I think these things often come down to the balance of different people's wants and needs.

As a parent, I can understand why you would want the day to get some errands done and have a bit of "me time".

From a child's perspective, FT nursery doesn't suit all children and some kids would really appreciate having the extra day to spend with their parent.

Only you can decide what the right balance for your family is, although I personally would tend to err on the side of giving my child a break from FT childcare if I was pretty sure that this would be beneficial for them .

zighazigha the Op is not a sahm, she works. The question was whether her day off should be spent with her child or not.

I repeat children in full time nursery get very tired, it's quite hard on them. I totally get it when parents have no other choice (i was a single parent having to work full time to keep a roof over our heads). But when there is a choice I dont think it's right to have a toddler or baby in childcare 5 days a week.

But I’m not getting a break at work 4 days a week. My job is hard and it’s long. My husband isn’t getting a break at his work either. What sort of jobs do you think we all do where it’s a total breeze and we’re jaut around enjoying our “break” from our kids?

I repeat children in full time nursery get very tired, it's quite hard on them

Do they? Mine comes out leaping about full of beans, chatting nineteen to the dozen about everything he's done.

Proper lolling at the work being a break too. I mean yes, it's a break from your children. But it's not a break, unless you have a piss easy job.

My DH is a high earner. I could be at SAHM if I wanted to. I have made an active choice to work a four day week because I am a much happier and better parent for it, and thus my DS benefits.

Nobody has used the word horrified. Stop exaggerating. Why can't you accept that everyone runs their family differently and in a way that suits them....be that the luxury of choice or purely through need.
Your friends circumstances are individual and shouldn't be used as a benchmark. You cannot use days/ hours spent with your children as a measurement of love.

And it's not like the op is putting the child in prison - it's a childcare setting which happens to be designed with young children in mind!

Well I did say if the parent has mental health problems (or isn’t ‘sane’ as you may prefer to put it) the child is probably better off in nursery.

Well it's not quite that black and white is it? I don't have mental health "problems" but I do get very down if I don't get any time to myself to just potter about, run errands, do life admin, read a book.

My mother was (and is) lovely. A fantastic mum. But she was happier when she went back to work. Parents are people too, you don't just exist for your children. Otherwise when they grow up and lead their own lives you have bugger all left for you.

Well no it’s not a break from work but it’s a break from your children.

For context I have a friend who is a sahm to a child with severe disabilities. She looks after her child 7 days a week including a good proportion of most nights because he needs medicating and has disturbed sleep. She gets a measly few hours respite a week. Yet there are parents on here horrified at the thought of having to spend 3 daytimes a week with their healthy kids?

How is that of any relevance whatsoever? We are all completely different. Our families are completely different. What suits one family might not suit another. Is that really so hard to understand?

And? My children aren’t the be all and end all of my life. Should we keep our older one home from school one day a week too?

Well never mind the children who might appreciate an extra day with their parent. If you choose to have children their needs come first imo.

If you choose to have children their needs come first imo.

Yes, and what my much adored DS needs is to have parents who are happy and fulfilled in their lives outside him, so that he gets the best versions of them.

I can categorically say that if I was ever doing was working or at home with DS, I would be a much worse parent.

I’m sure my children love having happy parents who take one day a week to spend time on each other and keep their marriage tight and awesome.