To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

[Earlgreyrose]

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

I did this because my mental health would have suffered if I hadn't been able to have some time on my own. Our two have ADHD and one has ASD, I would never have coped if I hadn't had this free time, it was a bit like having rest bit for a carer. Think of a carer looking after an ill/elderly relative. We don't think twice suggesting they need time off but apparently we mums are supposed to keep going 24/7 no matter what!!

Just to add- rather than just chores or shopping or cleaning

Go to the gym or do an exercise class or even go to the cinema alone!

Do not feel guilty about taking time for yourself- as a mum it's so easy to spend all your time looking after everyone else, your own needs get overlooked

How old are the kids?

I personally think full time nursery is not ideal. Fair enough if you have no other choice but whilst you might want a break so do they.

Double I don’t think that’s relevant to this OP, though, is it?

Such a mix bag or responses. I'd take it and wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt. Went on holiday on my own when he was one, often parcel him off to grandparents for stop overs. Work and put him in child care. Some may judge but I know if I didn't get me time or had a chance to do something other than parent I'd be thoroughly miserable. To be the best parent I can be I know I need to take care of myself as well. Not putting down those that want more time with their kids. My point is everyone's needs are wholly different

@Moominfan I think I hate you a little bit. Good for you.

Don't feel bad! Have a bit of time to yourself.

Do it! You don’t have to put them in all day but have the option to if you want. Imagine having a day to do what you want... that’s amazing. You’ll also get more time at the weekends as you can do your chores etc during the week.

If your first thought isn’t to be delighted that you will get an extra day with your kids then them going to nursery for that day is probably better all round.

I'm off on a Monday but dc goes to the childminder 9-3:45. It's one of the busiest days of the week. I run round like a looney trying to get all the jobs done (plus a bit of marking or planning too). I wouldn't get anywhere near as much done if dc was with me. It makes our family life much better for the rest of the week. Money well spent I think.

@BumsexAtTheBingo don't be so bloody snidey. Not all us mothers are just mothers. Some of us have well rounded lives that don't revolve solely around our children. How fucking boring would that be?!

@Tummywhining
I would also ask, if you didn't work until your children were at school then how did you feed and clothe them? Did you claim benefits or did you leave it all to their dad? Because I see taking care of the children as a joint responsibility- I have a responsibility to earn just as much as he has a responsibility to do childcare- equality goes both ways
Equality doesn't mean that everyone does exactly the same. There is absolutely no obligation on a family to set themselves up so that each parent has to earn equally and do exactly the same amount of childcare. This is an incredibly narrow minded and basic view of equality and to be honest one that many families would struggle to achieve.

I worked hard to establish a career, to me, part of being a good parent is being a good role model- I want my kids (especially my daughter) to see that you work hard to pay your own way and be independent
Again this is incredibly narrow minded. You can contribute and earn your keep if you like in ways that aren't financial but still make a massive difference to the family. You obviously value your career and retaining your financial independence and that is absolutely ok, but what isn't so ok is to imply that those who choose to be SAHMs or are less career focussed are not providing good role models for their children. What if your son and daughter want to take a different approach in life and value being at home with their children? Are you really saying that you would judge them badly for this decision or be disappointed that their values didn't match your own.

I understand you wrote your post in response to a different poster and was trying to defend your decisions and life choices, however I think it's a shame you couldn't do this without putting other women down.

I’m not being snidey. Most mums I know who work full time would absolutely kill for a 4 day week so they could see more of their kids. It’s generally the reason people go for flexible working when they have young children.
If the op feels she needs the break for her mh or whatever then the child probably will be better in nursery and she also will be better off for it.

I can only imagine someone saying to a dad 'yeah have a day off to okay golf/go to the gym and put the kids in nursery'
🤔

Why wouldn’t that be ok?

I would never but I just recently left my career to be a stay at home parent so obv. I have a dif perspective. It sounds selfish to me. If I had to choose I would pick a fun day out with my kids over sitting at home alone all day or doing errands alone. I just prefer to have my kids with me.

OP to me it very much depends on your reasons for going PT. If it is the usual reason of seeing the children more/reducing their time in childcare then obviously YABU. However if it is because you are wanting more quality time as a family then it is a great idea - get everything done on a Fri then you can concentrate on the kids over the weekend. It really does depend on what you want to get out of it. Do be aware though that you lose a lot of pay and your childcare costs will be unchanged so be sure and do the sums.

Seriously folks, why do we even need anyone else's opinion on whether or not this is OK?

Are they children being cared for ? Yes
Are the parents looking after themselves? Yes

Job done.

My DS is going to nursery the year before he goes to school to get him used to the routine. I won't be going to work. I won't be feeling guilty. 4 years is a long time to work 24/7 with a couple of breaks spanning no more than 4 hours. I will be spending my time going for dinner/coffee and generally enjoying the peace and quiet. Idgaf if people think that it's selfish or lazy. You shouldn't either OP. Enjoy your self

Works well until your marriage/relationship ends and there's nobody to support your choice to not contribute

@loveyoutothemoon you seem to be unable to understand that not everybody’s job or career works like yours, where you can drop to part time hours, working when it suits you, then pick up again when they go to school and continue as you were pre-children.

Some jobs just can’t be done part time for a few years. They tend to be highly paid/highly skilled or highly responsible jobs which pay very well. Are you essentially suggesting that women who are surgeons, barristers, MPs, senior managers etc should not have children?

Do children know the difference between 'quality' time and normal time?

Childcare when work is one thing, very different when not
Yes. The latter is more enjoyable

greenfieldsoffrance 😂😂

I would have them in 7 days if I could afford 😂