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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

330 replies

Earlgreyrose · 18/11/2018 14:14

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/11/2018 17:12

I work full time because my job is a full time post
I made myself utterly miserable for years because I gave up a career because I believed I would somehow be a better mother as a SAHM .
I was miserable, broke and bored and a worse mother for it
Wish I’d understood sooner that this motherhood thing is a marathon not a sprint and one size does not fit all
Do
What
Works
For
You

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 17:12

You've been very contradictory. The implication was you didn't work.
Out of interest, do your opinions on full time working extend to men? Do you judge then for their occupational choices too?

m0therofdragons · 18/11/2018 17:17

Do people on mn not like spending time with their dc? We're constantly told the best thing we can give our dc is our time. If you're working then fair enough but giving them experiences like shopping for food and household chores is part of their development.

I'm sure I'll be flamed looking at the majority of replies but there's so much time for "me time" when dc get older I don't understand the desperation to achieve this at pre school age. At ages 7-10 my dc go off and play for hours on end so plenty of me time even before teenage years.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 17:18

We'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

My opinion is the same, as to whoever is the main carer of the children.

sonandhelpneeded · 18/11/2018 17:19

Do people on mn not like spending time with their dc? We're constantly told the best thing we can give our dc is our time. If you're working then fair enough but giving them experiences like shopping for food and household chores is part of their development.

^^this!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 17:20

@lovey so both parents should work part time?

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 17:23

Agree with m0ther, children need a variety of experiences like shopping etc, playing independently (not relying on 1:1 all of the time) and also interaction with other children (nursery). It's all about balance.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 17:25

*Blaa, where did I say that? I answered your question, saying whoever is the main carer.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 17:26

Both DH and I are the the main carers for our child and have been since day 1.

UmSayWhat · 18/11/2018 17:28

I work 4 days and spend the 5th catching up on work, doing the housework from top to bottom, going for appointments and the food shop.
My daughter would hate to be at home with me while I do the above. She loves her childcare. I am also more available to her at the weekends too.
My only concern would be the nursery element could be exhausting. My daughter does a mix of pre school and childminder and she is tired enough. I can’t imagine what she would be like in full time pre school! But she is a tired little girl who loves her bed so perhaps your kids will be ok.

UmSayWhat · 18/11/2018 17:32

Oh and for those who are worried about children not going shopping etc, she still does. It’s just not as stressful as it tends to be nice shopping, not the stressful “pack in the food shop” kind.

And no- I don’t really want to drag my daughter along to my appointments.

I freely admit that I like having a life separate to my child. I am not going to bow to the mummy guilt. I do an awful lot for my family and other people. I don’t think it is too much to ask to do things without a 3 year old.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/11/2018 17:45

I’m sure that having to come with me for my smear when he was two and half has contributed hugely to him growing into the well rounded adult he hasHmm

harshbuttrue1980 · 18/11/2018 17:45

I think its selfish. Being part of a family doesn't just mean looking after your own needs. Nursery is absolutely fine when both parents work, as they are making a sacrifice for the benefit of the child's financial security. Totally different to putting them in just so you can get time to yourself. If you don't want to spend that day with your child, then you could also choose to help your DH by returning to full-time work. You sound a bit me, me, me.

I think the responses would be very different if someone had posted on here that their DH only works 4 days a week and still uses childcare for his day off...

ElspethFlashman · 18/11/2018 17:49

Well my DH only works 4 days a week and uses the exact same childcare as me on the 5th day.

He gets shit done on that day. He washed the kitchen floor on Friday, did the grocery shopping and painted some skirting boards. So no, I certainly don't think it should be different for him!

ElspethFlashman · 18/11/2018 17:51

And again, all of those chores are ones we are NOT having to do this weekend. We do literally nothing but play with the kids and it's lovely.

TurquoiseDress · 18/11/2018 17:53

I would say go for it- if 5 days works out similar cost to 4 days.

Use that 'free' day to get chores done, shopping etc

Pick them up earlier if you want and do something all together eg trip to the park

Nothing wrong at all with wanting some time to get things done & time to yourself and your little ones will be enjoying themselves at nursery

That's my take on it, am sure others will disagree

ZenNudist · 18/11/2018 17:55

Good idea. Do the shop and maybe go to gym or whatever else you do at weekend. Then weekend have quality family time.

Allchangehere346 · 18/11/2018 17:55

I work 4 days a week too, and honestly, this sounds like a dream to me.

As pp have said maybe sometimes nags the day shorter.

If I had the money I’d do it in a heartbeat.

ZenNudist · 18/11/2018 17:56

Also batch cooking.

One thing i wouldn't do is clean. Get a cleaner for that. Also second the late drop off early pick up on your free day.

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 18/11/2018 17:57

I used to do this as it meant I could spend the entire weekend focusing on my son and not washing/cleaning/ironing!

Topsy44 · 18/11/2018 18:02

I would say put your children in childcare for your day off. You will get some rest, maybe catch up on some chores and you will be a better parent for having some time out from them.

RebelWitchFace · 18/11/2018 18:12

@hobnobsaremyfave snap! Though DD was a bit younger.

RebelWitchFace · 18/11/2018 18:14

I think the responses would be very different if someone had posted on here that their DH only works 4 days a week and still uses childcare for his day off...

No they wouldn't unless they were seriously strapped for cash and that one day difference either in wages or childcare would be enough to tip the balance.

Girlsworld92 · 18/11/2018 18:22

Absolutely do it. I have a few hours to myself each week. Sometimes I do chores. Sometimes I do something for me. It definitely helps my mental wellbeing. I'm there all the time for my kids and I cherish these few hours. Sometimes I just drink cups of tea. It's lush.

RiverTam · 18/11/2018 18:26

It's interesting reading My Naughty Little Sister, where she spends a lot of time with the grown ups doing their chores, and she makes imaginative games as they do so. I agree that it's important for children to know that things have to be done. I think a generation of kids who's parents think they shouldn't be bored by shopping and chores are actually losing out. They are so often incapable of doing anything other than being entertained.