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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

330 replies

Earlgreyrose · 18/11/2018 14:14

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 15:57

Must have cross posted there Tummy!

It's pointless though, surely, working to pay for expensive childcare, because what childcare is cheap?!

RedSkyLastNight · 18/11/2018 15:59

What was the reason for dropping to 4 days in the first place?
Do you have an OH? I'd be fine with my OH dropping hours to spend more time with young DC, but I'd be less sure of the justification if it's just to do some housework and have time to yourself. Would you be happy if your OH did the same thing?

But mainly, I understand that some people have to put their young DC into nursery full time, but I really don't understand why you would if you don't have to. IMO you'd be better off taking Fridays as your non-working day, and booking them into ad-hoc occasional days in nursery if you do need a day to yourself (saying Friday, as nurseries always seem to spaces available on Fridays! - but whatever is the least popular day at your nursery).

HellenaHandbasket · 18/11/2018 16:01

I wouldn't. Unless it was to their benefit and I was going to get every done then to free up weekends. You don't want to work 5 days, what makes you think they do?

Tummywhining · 18/11/2018 16:03

Who says childcare is cheap? It isn't, but it's less than I earn. And the alternative is to earn nothing at all! One wage doesn't cover our bills/survival needs.
It is not about cutting back on luxuries.

Hohocabbage · 18/11/2018 16:03

Time out with your dc on a friday would be much morepleasant than on a saturday - parks, shops, softplays are all nicer on a weekday. I think i would do it but only use half the fridays. Its nice to have a day with the dc at a slower pace.

Inertia · 18/11/2018 16:05

How likely is it that your workplace will require you to work that 5th day occasionally, or swap your days? It's harder to fit in ad-hoc childcare than it is to not use something that's available.

If the price difference is negligible, I'd put them in for the 5 days and use the 5th day to blitz through things like housework, then collect them at lunchtime. They'll have more fun at nursery then doing something with you in the afternoon than they would watching you clean the toilet and mop the kitchen floor, plus you can get chores done 10 times more efficiently on your own than when wrangling toddlers.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 16:05

I agree BlaaBlaaBlaa I'm just a bit surprised at people not wanting to spend time with their children after them being in nursery all week.

peachgreen · 18/11/2018 16:05

@loveyoutothemoon I'm sure you're being goady, but a day of childcare is significantly less than I earn in a day and therefore work makes financial sense (and is essential for us to be able to pay our mortgage and bills).

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 16:06

Childcare isn't cheap @lovey but between myself and DH we earn more than enough to comfortably cover it. We'd be significantly worse off financially if either of us didn't work and that includes paying for childcare.

Besides - we both love our jobs.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 16:07

Who said anything about not wanting to spend time with their children?

ExFury · 18/11/2018 16:08

So are you saying that when my kids were little that I didn't feed or clothe them? My kids certainly didn't go without, sometimes you sacrifice luxuries to spend time with them. Why bring children into the world if you're not going to spend precious time with them?

Luxuries wouldn’t have been the sacrifice here. It would have been the roof over their head and the food in their bellies. How would you suggest I had provided that without working exactly?

Plus having them in on the 5th day actually gave me more time with them because all the washing/cleaning/shopping etc was done so they got the whole weekend and every evening.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 18/11/2018 16:13

If the price is basically the same then just do it. You don’t even have to take them on the 5th day, the nursery won’t complain about having less children to look after as long as you pay! You can take them for short days if you need to do stuff and it gives you flexibility to switch a work day if required. I wouldn’t put my children in for a full extra day when I didn’t need to as I do think it’s a long week for them at nursery then, but having the flexibility for a bit of extra childcare when required is a bit different IMO.

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/11/2018 16:15

When my son was in full time childcare he was beyond exhausted. I went down to 4 days and the impact it has had on both of us has been incredible. Take that day to be with your child, you won't regret it. They will be at school soon enough and then you won't have the option.

MarshaBradyo · 18/11/2018 16:16

I probably wouldn’t. How old are they?

Tummywhining · 18/11/2018 16:16

@loveyoutothemoon
I would also ask, if you didn't work until your children were at school then how did you feed and clothe them? Did you claim benefits or did you leave it all to their dad? Because I see taking care of the children as a joint responsibility- I have a responsibility to earn just as much as he has a responsibility to do childcare- equality goes both ways.
Additionally, I wouldn't claim benefits if I could avoid it, I'd rather work for a living.
(I'm not benefit bashing at all, we've claimed them when necessary).

I worked hard to establish a career, to me, part of being a good parent is being a good role model- I want my kids (especially my daughter) to see that you work hard to pay your own way and be independent.

I've gone off on a tangent here, the original debate between 4 days Vs 5 was full of reasoned argument, I'm just shocked that in 2018 someone thinks it's a viable option to not work at all!

crrrzy · 18/11/2018 16:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 16:19

I did work, but not when I didn't need to.

RebelWitchFace · 18/11/2018 16:20

I was a SAHM and dd still went to preschool every day(morning session) from 2 and a half. She loved it and I could pee in peace for 3 hours. Win win!

RandomMess · 18/11/2018 16:20

In addition to making your life calmer it gives you more flexibility to swap days at work to cover DC sickness. You will all benefit from having a weekend more free for leisure time!

Camomila · 18/11/2018 16:21

I wouldn't feel guilty about this, I pay for more childcare than DS needs partly because he really enjoys it there and partly because then the weekends can be for fun rather than hoovering/going to boring shops etc.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 18/11/2018 16:22

I wouldnt but this is my third child the others are older and i know how fast it goes and this time I dont want to miss any time with him

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 16:22

And I absolutely love my job, that I've done for 16 years, on a slightly above minimum wage.

Steakandkidney · 18/11/2018 16:23

Why bring children into the world if you're not going to spend precious time with them
Precious time for whom?
My child bloody loves nursery. When he's at home he won't sit and watch tv. I play with him for a bit but can't do more, I just can't.
Then I have to go to a Surestart group where he plays with other kids anyway, then the park. I get pissed off because the house gets trashed, and he gets pissed off with me.
Nursery is win win.
And to be honest, if I'd known how hard it would be I probably wouldn't have had any.

Tummywhining · 18/11/2018 16:25

Oh so you did work? Because you heavily implied that you didn't.

Especially when you said that you didn't see the point of putting them into childcare to work full time. And that the cost of childcare was so expensive it was pointless working.

Perhaps think about how you're wording things. You're not always making sense here.

ElspethFlashman · 18/11/2018 16:27

I do this. I'm amazed at how many people apparently judge this.

We have to pay by the place rather than by hour, so we're paying regardless whether they're there or not. And they would be bored to tears at home. We live rurally, so not much in the way of stimulating activities locally. And zero family support.

I spend my time off during the week running around like a loon doing errands and housework. But then it's all done by Friday.

As a family, we do sweet fuck all at the weekend except kid stuff. It's nice. A real downtime.