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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put the kids in full time childcare even if I work four days

330 replies

Earlgreyrose · 18/11/2018 14:14

I'm in the process of negotiating a four day week from january.

Nursery offer a discount for full time places which means the price difference is negligible. As such I am considering keeping them in full time nursery and just make it a.shorter day for them. I just feel a bit bad!

OP posts:

Steakandkidney · 18/11/2018 15:34

Yeah I've got no support whatsoever and my youngest is a pain in the arse at the bank/supermarket/post office. No amount of 'come on with mummy and find the carrots' stops him dragging himself along, kicking off when he has to go in the trolley or conversely running off. Nobody wants to hear a toddler whinge when they are trying to post parcels.
In my case it's healthier for him because otherwise I have to bribe him with food.
I think life with children must be infinitely more rewarding if at some point in the evening or weekend you have a mum/sister/husband to show an interest in them or do something with them.
On your own everything is work. So to take the one day you can to put your feet up is an utter joy.

ImogenTubbs · 18/11/2018 15:35

Yanbu. Sounds like a great idea. If the kids are happy it gets them in a strong routine and you can get some things done and have a bit of time to yourself. I had a year off when DD was 3 and put her in nursery every morning even though I wasn't working at all. She loved playing with the other kids and it got her used to the routine so she settled in really well when she started school. I used the time to keep on top of all things domestic and even, gasp, have a nice quiet cup of coffee to myself or see a friend from time to time. I couldn't keep her entertained they way they could I'm nursery and she really thrives around other children. I adore her and we have a brilliant relationship but I'm honest about what both of us need!

Steakandkidney · 18/11/2018 15:35

And when my toddler isn't with me I never miss them or think about them. I don't ring the childminder and see how he is.
I bloody well escape from parenting hell and get a taste of remembering what it feels like to be an actual person.

CupoBlood · 18/11/2018 15:37

Do it you don't have to always take them

Clockwork95 · 18/11/2018 15:38

If the price difference is negligible I would probably book the extra day but only use it occasionally e.g. if I needed to go to the dentist, GP etc.

OrdinarySnowflake · 18/11/2018 15:39

If there's no price difference, then have the day, and only use it when you feel you need it - and the idea of having 1-2-1 time with each dc while the other goes is great.

Taking a baby with you to the dentists/hair dressers/for a smear when you can keep them in a buggy, is very different to trying to get stuff done with a toddler/preschooler. Having the option is a good idea if there's little cost.

Doubletrouble99 · 18/11/2018 15:40

Please don't feel guilty. Self care is essential, time to catch up on chores and shopping without children around is fantastic. Even manage to catch up with friends for a coffee would be my idea of heaven! Go for it.

ExFury · 18/11/2018 15:43

I’d put them in. My two were in nursery full time when I did 4 days. The other day was the day I either had a break, did the shopping/housework, went to the dentist etc.

Also because I had two very close in age sometimes one would go to nursery and I’d have one on one time with the other, then switched it the following week.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 15:45

I don't understand why parents leave their children in full time childcare to work, why can't they do that when they start school?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 15:47

@lovey are you serious??? There are a multitude of reasons

ExFury · 18/11/2018 15:47

I don't understand why parents leave their children in full time childcare to work, why can't they do that when they start school?

Because not feeding or clothing them would be rather neglectful to say the least.... therefore parents need to work to do those things. And unless you’re a nanny or childminder there’s not many places have a “bring your baby to work” policy.

megletthesecond · 18/11/2018 15:47

Food and shelter is a good one.

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 15:48

And they are?

Moominfan · 18/11/2018 15:48

I'm so envious op would love a day to get on top of house work, food shopping, food prepping, house admin ect ect and maybe squeeze in an hour of me time. Come weekend they'll have your full attention, it's ideal

ExFury · 18/11/2018 15:48

Plus it’s often actually harder to sort childcare round school hours.

Shmithecat · 18/11/2018 15:49

Yanbu at all. Whether it's for errand, housekeeping, admin, or just a whole 8 hours for you to do nothing that involves kids/work/or life admin, just do it.

Tummywhining · 18/11/2018 15:49

I'm shocked at the amount of people who are saying they wouldn't do this! It's a nursery, not a prison!

I have no support, so my children have always had to come shopping, help with housework etc. But I know they'd rather be playing with their friends!

Sometimes I finish work a little earlier than usual. I'd rather whiz round the supermarket and leave my DD at after school club having fun than pick her up early and drag her round Aldi with me. She is older so can state her preferences, but it's the same principle.

I was skint when mine were tiny, with no family support, so life consisted purely of work and taking care of the kids. Usually on my own, as DH and I worked opposite shifts to minimise child care. If I could have had a few hours a week to do some of those chores in peace, and then maybe squeeze in one hour for coffee with a friend or a gym class I'd have grabbed it with both hands.

I'd book them in, make the most of the time and then give them an early finish. Go easy on yourself, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

Cherulewis · 18/11/2018 15:50

Do it, the nursery Ds1 went to didn't do half days, he went in for 3 days I worked 2 1/2. I used that morning to sort the house out.

When I quit work due to Dh's job relocation and became a SAHM I put Ds1 in nursery 1 day a week. It gave me that day to do anything I wanted or needed, doctors, smear tests, shopping, baths where no-one tried to get in, sleep, binge watch tv without interruption. I upped him to 2 days when I had Ds2 for a few months before he started preschool nursery 5 mornings a week.

They are used to full time, I would probably pick them up earlier than normal but I would definitely do it.

There is nothing wrong with wanting time away from your children. You do not need to justify it. They are already doing 5 days. When you love your children it does not mean you want to be glued to their side 24/7. Breaks are lovely

loveyoutothemoon · 18/11/2018 15:52

So are you saying that when my kids were little that I didn't feed or clothe them? My kids certainly didn't go without, sometimes you sacrifice luxuries to spend time with them. Why bring children into the world if you're not going to spend precious time with them?

Tummywhining · 18/11/2018 15:53

@loveyoutothemoon
You are very lucky indeed to not know the answer to that question. Either from your own childhood or your children's. My mum worked for food and bills, as do I. What a luxurious, care free life you must lead.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 15:54

@lovey are you being serious or deliberately goady?

financial - you know mortgage , food and bills.

Pension - future financial security

Some people don't feel they should have to sacrifice their career just because they've had children.

Some people actually like working and enjoy the jobs

Being a role model for your children

MistyMinge · 18/11/2018 15:55

I'm going to against the grain and say yabu. I think pre schoolers need downtime away from a childcare setting. I appreciate that some parents have no choice to put their children in 5 days a week, but if you have the opportunity to give them a day with you then I think you should take it. They really are small for such a short amount of time. It's really not that hard to put a wash on and do a few chores with small children in the house. I'd rather let my housework etc slip for a few years and spend more time with my children whilst they still enjoy hanging out with me. With one now at school and one starting next year, I realise how quickly this time has gone. It's been hard at times, but the time I've spent with them outweighs that.

fairgroundsnack · 18/11/2018 15:55

I used to do this. I didn’t always send him on the 5th day but had the option. It gave me the ability to be flexible with work, or to get jobs done, have hair, dental, medical appointments.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 18/11/2018 15:56

@lovey you can still work and spend quality time with your children. It's not either/or....

TulipsInbloom1 · 18/11/2018 15:56

Id do it. Id drop them off, do my Big Shop and my Big Clean and then collect them after that. At least then the other two days will be housework and shopping free.

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