Are these things luxuries or normal household items?

[Teatimeted]

It was my birthday yesterday. My parents and my IL's both gave me money to buy what I wanted.

This morning I went for a lovely child free trip round town and treated myself to some things. Things that genuinely make me happy and bring me joy. I took a picture and posted it on IG.

My friend then text asking why on earth I'd spent my birthday money on things for the house.

For info, I bought a gorgeous set of brushed cotton bedding from M&S, some new wine glasses, a candle and some nice Molton Brown bath foam. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a bath and go to bed tonight!

But my friend thinks these are normal household items, enjoyed by my DH too, and therefore should come from our joint account and I should get to spend this money on treats for me. I don't think she gets that these ARE treats for me!

We're not destitute but neither are we massively well off and I'd never drop £100 of family money on frivolous items. There are much better things to do with that (like clothes for DS or savings)

For background, at Christmas, DH got money from his parents and bought a new set of pans, so this is a view we both take.

So should I have saved that money for something just for me (not that there was anything I wanted) or was I right to spend it on what I consider to be luxuries??

It's one thing if you partner buys you a new set of sheets for your birthday but it's entirely different if you buy them for yourself or ask for them.

I have asked for a new Tupperware slice container for Christmas lol, I would never spend $40 on a container for myself but I would love to receive it as a gift.

Enjoy your pressies knowing that you got something you wanted :-)

A luxury is something you want but dont consider that you need, cost or affordability is irrelevant. Your gifts sound fine to me.

I consider getting my nails done to be a luxury and it doesnt cost me a penny (thank you Spa Manager sister!). Your friend sounds like an ex (note the ex) friend of mine who considered every birthday and Xmas to be a reason for her to have her every whim catered to.

For his 30th birthday her husband got a weekend away, which she went on about to the point that we all knew she resented it. For hers he worked 7 days a week for 18 months (not an exaggeration) to pay for the pedigree dog, 3 holidays (one in Florida) and ultimately the house move she demanded as her birthday gift. To this day she cannot fathom why he had a breakdown and then left her.

My birthday was last week and i spent birthday money on council tax,after school club and dinner money.
We need a new kettle but that'll have to wait until after xmas.

I can see her point, but if nice things for the home are what make you happy, then go for it. I'm like you - upgrading nice things for the home makes me happy whenever I use them, and the fact that DH will benefit from them doesn't make them less of a treat for me. He'd be more likely to spend 'treat money' on things for his hobbies, but there's not that much I want. Do what makes you happy!

YANBU. She'd have a point if you'd bought cheap bedding, some light bulbs and a bottle of head and shoulders. You spent money you wouldn't otherwise wouldn't have on stuff that makes you happy. If DH gets to enjoy the bedding too all the better.

Your money your choice in what makes you happy.

I was thinking this as I unstacked the dishwasher last night actually.

I bought some Alessi Cutlery for myself with my bonus. To everyone else they are just knives and forks, spoons etc.

I just get a lovely warm feeling when I lay them on the table and put them away. They are stylish, great quality and I feel grown up and Sophisticated

I'm the same, I'd much rather have practical items that I will benefit from for a long time or what I wouldn't necessarily buy with my own money

I really want one of those stretchy fold itself back garden hoses for Christmas so you’re not alone in wanting household items as gifts.

I think the things you chose sound good, and were “luxuries” in that they were new choices and non essential for your home.

A friend always spends any money or vouchers she’s given on what I consider to be “basic” household stuff, eg handyman fixing small things in the house or garden, new (necessary) furniture, eg comfy chair when they didn’t previously have one, replacing old or broken small items such as kettle, cushions and crockery. Think it’s down to her financial situation (and dick of a DH). Wouldn’t comment on it as that’d be rude! Her sister tries to give her personal items, once gave her expensive sunglasses which she took back to the department store and exchanged for kitchen items. The sister now buys specific toiletries/make up that she knows my friend uses and likes.

I think your friend is a killjoy. One thing I don't like, though, is when people buy something as a present for you which is just as much a present for them. It's completely different if you choose that thing yourself.

I'm spending my 40th birthday money and vouchers on a fancy new collectable dinner service that I can keep for "best".
It's your birthday - buy whatever you think is a treat for you!

I am not much of a barometer though as I have also had things like a new saddle (horse) for a combined Xmas and birthday present.

I love house gifts and things for my horse. I'd happily spend all my money on house and horse things- not interested in clothes, bags, shoes or anything like that these days. The number one item on my Xmas list this year is wellies!

Your friend is just saying that she likes different things, and doesn't understand why you don't want the same things as her. Some people crave designer bags. Nobody needs to be wrong about what they like.

Just say, I bought what genuinely Makes me happy. Share my joy!

It's not as though you bought value tea bags and loo roll as a gift for yourself is it?
I would have chosen like you did OP but each to her own eh?

Both myself and DP spend birthday money on stuff like this. The perfect gift is something you want but could not justify buying it out of your usual budget.

Take no notice and enjoy your new bedding!

Last year I bought a bolster cushion and bedding out of my birthday money!

I think your purchases sound perfectly lovely to me.

In fact I've been asking for 'posh' (ie, not Asda polycotton) bedding for Christmas /birthdays for about three years and no one will indulge me because that's 'for the house not me'.

What they don't understand is that dp doesn't give a shiny shit about bed linen and is quite happy with what we already have because it's not falling to pieces. But really nice stuff would make me happy every night, whereas what we have now is just functional. It's what we can afford but I don't love it.

So this year I'm asking for John Lewis vouchers so I can just go and buy it myself.

They'd be nice luxuries for me. The only time I'd see household stuff as essential is if I didn't have any of said item in the first place, ie I owned no wine glasses or bedding. Buying extras because you really like them and will get enjoyment from them is a luxury - if someone else also gets to enjoy them, great!

If she wanted you to buy something specific that was only for your use, maybe she should have bought you that, not given you money?

If you'd bought a new ironing board cover and a dustpan and brush, I might agree with your friend. But you've bought things that you know you will use and enjoy, as they are luxury versions of every day things. I don't see how she can object to that!

Sounds lovely to me. We're well off but I like my presents to be practical, so I'd probably do something similar, and so would DH, unless we got something for our hobbies.

As an example, we've got nice White Company bedding, but I've seen some dusky pink linen bedding, which is quite expensive but I really like the colour. I'd feel bad about buying it given we've already got sufficient high quality bedding sets, and tbh it feels wasteful, environmentally. However, if given vouchers for that shop then I would buy it, and it would make me happy. DH probably wouldn't even notice.

Doesn't matter what you spent your money, as it makes you happy. I enjoy spending my birthday money on gifts and treats for my children and husband, for me their happiness and joy is more enjoyable. Buy I also buy myself things when wanted

Your friend would hate our family! DH and my Christmas present last year from my parents was a posh super comfy mattress, then I got pillows for my birthday! We love it cos we definitely don't have money for these things and they're luxurious to us! If I had treat money I'd definitely buy things like you as I don't wear makeup up or perfume and buy clothes in the charity shop, in a department store I always make a bee line for the kitchen department! People have different priorities and likes

You bought what you wanted which is great, I prefer to do this and am getting a new shed for Christmas woohoo can’t wait 😆

My poor sister then it was her birthday last week and I got her shampoo and conditioner!

She would never drop £50 on haircare from her household budget when pantene would do for a few quid!

I've asked for lightbulbs this christmas. DH thinks I'm utterly nuts.

I think that sounds lovely and I would do the same. Also you said yourself you had a lovely time child free on your own choosing the items too - for me that would be part of the present too - just going out, browsing and spending on things I want.

My friend then text asking why on earth I'd spent my birthday money on things for the house.

I actually think that is incredibly rude of her!