Are these things luxuries or normal household items?

[Teatimeted]

It was my birthday yesterday. My parents and my IL's both gave me money to buy what I wanted.

This morning I went for a lovely child free trip round town and treated myself to some things. Things that genuinely make me happy and bring me joy. I took a picture and posted it on IG.

My friend then text asking why on earth I'd spent my birthday money on things for the house.

For info, I bought a gorgeous set of brushed cotton bedding from M&S, some new wine glasses, a candle and some nice Molton Brown bath foam. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a bath and go to bed tonight!

But my friend thinks these are normal household items, enjoyed by my DH too, and therefore should come from our joint account and I should get to spend this money on treats for me. I don't think she gets that these ARE treats for me!

We're not destitute but neither are we massively well off and I'd never drop £100 of family money on frivolous items. There are much better things to do with that (like clothes for DS or savings)

For background, at Christmas, DH got money from his parents and bought a new set of pans, so this is a view we both take.

So should I have saved that money for something just for me (not that there was anything I wanted) or was I right to spend it on what I consider to be luxuries??

They sound lovely things, enjoy them.

Your friend is a bit of a buzzkill.

@Teatimeted you now owe me £ 49.50 I just ordered the bedding!!!

Love it and they're lovely things to buy, make sure you also ha e a glass of wine while in the bath.

Which Milton Brown did you get? My favourite at the moment is rhubarb and rose, hopefully I'll get some for Christmas!

*molten brown!

I haven’t rtft so someone may have said something similar... My birthday is quite close to Christmas and we don’t have a lot of money, so my “birthday money” always goes on Christmas presents for other people! I’d definitely enjoy the chance to buy some luxurious bedding and bath stuff to enjoy - the fact your DP gets to enjoy them too is an added bonus!

I'd call the bedlinen and glasses household items.

The candle is either/or. I don't buy candles so it's not a luxury for me.

The molton brown is definitely a luxury.

I'd count those as treats. I still love the 300 thread count fitted sheets I treated myself to a couple of years ago - so soft and smooth, worth every penny of the ££ they cost. And I love a pretty wineglass, everythign tastes more festive that way.

Happy birthday for yesterday! We share a birthday! They're the sort of treats i'd buy too!

Actually I bought some glasses the other day, I didn’t bother to consult DH or he would have said, why do we need those, we have got some. Really no different to if I had bought a new top

I'm in my 40's now and would much rather get useful presents.

Why do you care what others think? Own your own decisions.

It's not her money and you can spend it on what you want. I spend my birthday money on a new outfit and lunch in the Sainsbury's café with my DC.

They may technically be everyday items but f they are better than you might otherwise buy or have then they are luxuries. Your choice how you spend it, ignore friend.

I think if those items gave you joy then that's lovely and buy what you want. Though bedding and glasses to me are household items and are shared and I wouldn't call them a luxury.

Candles and bubble bath seem more of a personal thing.

It all sounds very lovely. Enjoy.

Hey OP,

If you get enjoyment out of those items, go for it!

I’m similar, I received some lovely copper pans last Christmas and was over the moon.

@sonandhelpneeded - you will not regret it. I honestly spent a good five minutes just admiring my bed before getting in it tonight.

I got the Oudh bath stuff. It's a strong smell but I just loved it and know I'll use it sparingly.

I've had a nice big glass of red in the bath, with my book, and bubbles. I lit my candle in my room so it smells like gingerbread (it was from Clintons but the smell is one of the best I've had for filling the room) and am now snuggled in bed reading.

This.is.bliss

This also would not have been possible without spending my birthday money on these things as now I feel zero guilt (don't get me wrong, I'm not a martyr, I'm just aware of our financial limitations!)

A few years ago, when I was doing my PhD and didn't have much money my mum gave me some money a bit after Christmas to "treat myself". She didn't understand when I spent this on a 4 season duvet set (the thin and thick ones that clip together to make an ultra cosy one). It was winter, in Durham, with crappy storage heaters. A super snuggly duvet was a lovely treat!

Ignore your moaning jealous 'friend! I'm burning a cire tendon candle after having a Milton Brown bath. I'll be getting into a freshly made bed with v high threadcount sheets that cost an arm & a leg but are still gorgeous after 20 years. And drinking Twinings lapsang tea. I do treat myself rather a lot...

Technically I suppose they are household items that your husband can use too, but if he's anything like mine, he wouldn't choose to spend his money on naice bedding, wine glasses, candles and bath foam because he'd quite happily live without them, whereas I wouldn't want to.

Expenditure on this kind of thing always comes out of my account rather than our joint household account, just as I expect him to pay for his beer out of his own money, because I don't drink it!

I'd term treats things like non-essential clothing, beauty treatments and nights out with my friends.

These days however, pretty much all my cash goes on DD, so it's
immaterial!

The things you bought are things you use to pamper yourself. So what if DH enjoys them to?! Maybe your "friend" is jeally for some reason? If you're excited over your birthday treats, just ignore her and enjoy yourself!

Your friend is being a dog in the manger! Those are the sort of treats I would buy for myself and be inordinately excited about. New bedding

I got a hoover and an iron and was over the moon.

If I got bedding I'd explode.

I don’t like brushed cotton

I got M&S 100% cotton sheets and duvet covers with money given as wedding presents 36 years ago. We still use these and they are much better quality than anything on offer today.

Over the years the collection has been added to, so we have regular changes of bedding. I love running my feet down pure cotton bedding, freshly washed and ironed. And good pillows are well worth the extra cost.

In my childhood, our sheets were 1960s nylon with scratchy woollen blankets and 1960s style lumpy old feather pillows which made me sneeze. The first thing I did after leaving home, was get decent bedding, never looked back.

Enjoy op!

I was 40 earlier this year and got quite a bit of money.

I took £100 of it to The Range and bought all kinds of things for the house, my favourite being a lace clothes mannequin which is basically an ornament but I love it.
House things bring me lots of joy.

My birthday was in January so had already received perfume etc at Christmas and there was nothing i needed or wanted so doing this made me happy. That is what matters.

I love new pjs, new bedding after a nice bath. (Primary version for me though haha)

I think what matters is you weren’t expected to buy household items with birthday, you wanted to treat yourself to fancier versions than you’d usually jointly budget for. If it makes you happy then it doesn’t matter if a basic essential or a fancy posh item

Had your dh been telling you to buy household stuff and you wanted something else then that would be shit but that’s not what’s happened. I have a friend who always £40 off her parents for her birthday and every year it’s used to buy call of duty. She’s also expected to hand over any money she gets off them at xmas so he can go out on New Years eve (with the lads, not her)

He guilts and guilts her until she gives him her gift money. Parents started giving her next vouchers as she loves their stuff but he flogs them and buys his game. One year she spent £10 on two plants. You’d think she had stole his kidney and he called her selfish.