Are these things luxuries or normal household items?

[Teatimeted]

It was my birthday yesterday. My parents and my IL's both gave me money to buy what I wanted.

This morning I went for a lovely child free trip round town and treated myself to some things. Things that genuinely make me happy and bring me joy. I took a picture and posted it on IG.

My friend then text asking why on earth I'd spent my birthday money on things for the house.

For info, I bought a gorgeous set of brushed cotton bedding from M&S, some new wine glasses, a candle and some nice Molton Brown bath foam. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a bath and go to bed tonight!

But my friend thinks these are normal household items, enjoyed by my DH too, and therefore should come from our joint account and I should get to spend this money on treats for me. I don't think she gets that these ARE treats for me!

We're not destitute but neither are we massively well off and I'd never drop £100 of family money on frivolous items. There are much better things to do with that (like clothes for DS or savings)

For background, at Christmas, DH got money from his parents and bought a new set of pans, so this is a view we both take.

So should I have saved that money for something just for me (not that there was anything I wanted) or was I right to spend it on what I consider to be luxuries??

I would do exactly the same as you because I couldn't justify 'normal' household money being spent on luxury items .

You can’t really make that judgement on the OP’s behalf though can you Seniorcitizen1? The OP has said that these are not everyday items for her, and she will get personal enjoyment from them. You can’t tell her otherwise.

It’s your birthday money, you can spend it on what ever you want, even if someone else thinks it’s ridiculous. They sound like “upgrades” to what you had, and therefore “luxury” items.

spend the money on what you want and fuck what others think.

However, I will say this is the problem with social media. Post something on there and your opening yourself up to judgment.

Your money, your choice. I don't get why anyone would question you spending it on nice stuff for the house tbh.

I would much rather have nice household stuff than perfume or a handbag which I would find a bit dull and boring

I'd be delighted with such luxuries. We all have our own idea of what is a luxury. Mine is buying my lunch from Sainsbury's and not having to make sandwiches for work.

It matters not one jot what anyone else thinks. It's what you wanted and chose and what you will get most enjoyment out of.

It doesn't have to be a luxury by other people's standards to make you happy.

I recently bought myself a coat in the sales for walking the dog - my old one was really past its best - every time I wear it I get a bit of a buzz because it's warm and cozy, it looks nice and it was a real bargain; not a luxury by any means but, like you with your purchases, I'm getting real pleasure from it. That's what counts.

Enjoy your gifts, and happy birthday for yesterday.

"But my friend thinks these are normal household items, enjoyed by my DH too,"

Yeah, maybe-but so what if they are?

There's nothing much I want/need for myself.

Books, chocolate, wine?

That's about it-wouldn't cost that much.

Why shouldn't others benefit it that's what you want?

Bog-standard wine glasses, bedding, bath foam and candles from B&M are normal household items.

These were way nicer and not something you'd buy as a matter of course, so they definitely fall into the luxury category as far as I'm concerned.

Happy birthday! In recent years I have asked my mum for, and received, a functional teapot, a pinny for cooking (fed up with oil splashes ruining clothes) and a butter dish. She also gives me cash which I spend on clothes, usually ones for work
and on my eternal and always fruitless hunt for a comfy bra

Why did you post on social media? If you are going to share, people are going to react. I wouldn't say bedding is a treat, not at all. The rest is more of a grey area, but I do feel a little sorry for you buying yourself sheets as a gift.

Surely the best gift is the one you want and OP got what she wanted

@Scatteredthoughtss - thank you for your sympathy. I will catch my tears of woe in my wine glasses tonight. I'll then dry my eyes on M&S's softest, snuggliest duvet cover.

If you enjoy the items, feel that you are having a treat by using them and they are items that you would not normally purchase then yes, they are a personal luxury. Don't let anyone spoil it for you - you will be smelling divine and sleeping in cosy, stylish new bedding. if that makes you feel pampered, then great! Luxury is different for different people. Just having an afternoon free to themselves is a luxury for some, a visit to an art gallery s a trear for others, some like getting their nails done or buying clothes and others love to spend hours doing the garden so it blooms or their home so it feels comfortable and enjoyable. You do what pleases you. A couple of birthdays ago, I bought myself a stereo Roberts DAB radio because I listen to Classic FM and Radio 4 extra a lot when doing things or working from home and the sound quality is much better than the cheapy single speaker thing I had before. People questioned it but when I explained how much pleasure it would give me and would last for years, they got it.I hope you enjoy your new purchases x

Enjoy them. Bedsheets are household basics, luxury ones are not. I recent vouchers on fancy bedside lamps, I could have used the joint account for basic ones but wanted to treat myself. I get it.

A lot of people see stuff like Pandora and perfume as a lovely gift, though probably mostly men who have no clue what to get, some lovely sheets are much nicer, I know which I would prefer

Tell me more about this bedding. My dad likes to get DH and me a joint gift at Christmas. Some new bedding would be lovely and he does better if I can point him at the right sort of thing.

For what it’s worth I’d be half and half with your list. I often ask for Molton brown and candles for presents because they are nice extras for me and I see them as luxuries that I wouldn’t normally have. If we needed new glasses or bedding it would be a joint purchase as would pans. But, we’ve asked for joint household presents for Christmas for a number of years and have had things as gifts that your friend would see as normal spending. There have also been years when we’ve needed to use our birthday money for bills as we’ve been overspent and there wasn’t money for luxuries.

You and your husband are clearly on a similar page and that’s all that matters really. If one of you was getting personal things only and the other one household then it would seem a bit unfair. This is all so personal so if items are a treat for you then they are a treat so enjoy them and ignore your friend.

No point in having a treat to please someone else do whatever makes you happy

Brushed cotton bedding - my DH would be oblivious to our bedding unless it had giant holes in or we were freezing to death and needed the warmth of the brushed cotton. Assuming none of this applies to you: treat for you

Wine glasses - arguable. Your DH will use the wine glasses too but again, I would guess you care more about what the glasses look like. So unless you had no glasses at all, it's treat for you.

Candle - Does your DH really care about candles? Treat for you

Molton Brown bath foam - no I wouldn't see this as a standard item.

If your friend wants to buy candles and bath foam on her weekly shop, that's on her. She just has to accept you might have different budgets/priorities/views on credit and savings.

If we needed new glasses or bedding it would be a joint purchase

Op didn't say they needed it, though. It sounds like she bought them because she loved them, not because she needed to replace the old ones. And bought a higher quality than they would have bought from household money.

This is exactly the sort of thing I would have got too, I love homeware and nice bath stuff. It was your birthday money and totally up to you what you spent it on.

Sound perfect!!

Well, cheap versions of those things are normal house things, nice ones are luxuries...