Are these things luxuries or normal household items?

[Teatimeted]

It was my birthday yesterday. My parents and my IL's both gave me money to buy what I wanted.

This morning I went for a lovely child free trip round town and treated myself to some things. Things that genuinely make me happy and bring me joy. I took a picture and posted it on IG.

My friend then text asking why on earth I'd spent my birthday money on things for the house.

For info, I bought a gorgeous set of brushed cotton bedding from M&S, some new wine glasses, a candle and some nice Molton Brown bath foam. I can't tell you how excited I am to have a bath and go to bed tonight!

But my friend thinks these are normal household items, enjoyed by my DH too, and therefore should come from our joint account and I should get to spend this money on treats for me. I don't think she gets that these ARE treats for me!

We're not destitute but neither are we massively well off and I'd never drop £100 of family money on frivolous items. There are much better things to do with that (like clothes for DS or savings)

For background, at Christmas, DH got money from his parents and bought a new set of pans, so this is a view we both take.

So should I have saved that money for something just for me (not that there was anything I wanted) or was I right to spend it on what I consider to be luxuries??

Sounds lovely OP! Those are definitely luxuries to me!
I understand where you are coming from though. I was looking at a £20 fryer in tescos whilst shopping this week, but can't really justify at the moment. In the new year, maybe, and I would be very very pleased at having proper chips so would deem that a luxury.
Enjoy your bath and bedtime

Your friend is wrong to try foisting her preference on to you.

What makes you happy is what constitutes a treat.

I'm similar in outlook to yourself, I prefer something useful.

I'd love a router (the wood shaping power tool kind) or an electric meat mincer for Christmas.
Random smellies, chocolate or flowers are my idea of a waste of money.

Ultimately though, each to their own.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Your presents to yourself sound fab and will give you joy.

Enjoy them. Your friend is a mood Hoover.

A few years ago I went to a Jamie Oliver party. There was a lovely casserole that I really wanted (still want!) but it was pretty expensive. They had a thing where they would ring your DH (or whoever) and they could buy it for you. I forgot to mention it to DH and when she rang he said he wasn't going to buy me something for the house for Christmas

Definitely a treat if that's what you wanted! Enjoy your bath and bed tonight!!!

I got a £50 M and S gift voucher for my birthday , and spent it on a really good sauté pan . It’s just the right weight , cleans up beautifully and makes me smile . If it gives you joy , then whatever you buy is perfect for you .

I’d choose similar things, I love stuff like that.

But - oddly enough if I opened a present from dh for my birthday / Christmas and it was a duvet set or something housey I’d hate it! Isn’t that weird I don’t know why I’d feel like that. But something I’d chosen myself I’d really like!

Sounds perfect ! Happy belated birthday!

Sounds like lovely treats to me.

It might be one thing if you were expected to replace some worn out bedding or other house-things with your treat money, but it seems pretty clearly additions you wanted for yourself. I'd had similar items that I just loved that seemed odd to others.

Hope you had a lovely birthday and enjoy your new things!

The money was a gift go you, so you could buy what you wanted. If those are the things you wanted, and will enjoy, then they were the right things to buy.
It would be different if you had used the money for a weekly food shop.

We gave been given bedding as a gift for Christmas. We have an independent dept store (sadly closing soon). Dh saw some bedding he liked. I suggested we have it as a Christmas present from my parents as we didn't know what we wanted to ask for. We got something we liked, but would not have paid the full price for, mum had an easy Christmas present idea and saved done money as it was on offer at the time. Everyone was happy.

OP I just got brushed cotton bedding from M&S too, I LOVE it bed in heaven

Happy Birthday

Only thing I would consider luxury is the Milton Brown stuff.

I'd call them luxuries. You don't need any of them but they will give you pleasure and make your life a little bit nicer. Exactly my idea of a luxury. Your evening sounds lovely :)

The things you've bought are all things I'd be really pleased/excited to get. I live alone and I don't have a huge budget. I wouldn't normally purchase those kind of items, but they are exactly the kind of thing I buy with birthday/Christmas money. They are luxuries, but they're also every day items (e.g bedsheets) that are nice to have. For my birthday two years ago I received White Company vouchers, I purchased bedding in the sale. Every time I put the ironed sheets on my bed and lie down in it I think ahh this is lovely! Same goes for things like nice candles. For Christmas I plan to get a very soft dressing gown. These are the sort of things which make you feel nice and special because they're little luxuries you wouldn't necessarily have bought otherwise. It doesn't make any difference if they're being shared with anyone else. I don't know if men generally like scented candles as much as I do, but if these kind of things make you happy, then it's birthday money well spent! My view is that if you don't have the funds to just go out and buy the best of everything at once, for birthdays/Christmas you can get good crockery one year, lovely bedsheets another, kitchen gadgets, special glassware, cushions etc and in time, you will have a home filled with things you love.

sort of things i would buy the bedding sounds gorgeous and i hope you have a nice soak then enjoy the bedding

I agree with you, they’re luxuries to me too! YANBU

I love household goods for presents!! As an aside can anyone recommend nice pots and pans? Birthday coming up 😁

I'm the same! One year I asked for some new chocolate brown towels from anyone who asked & I received a whole airing full & it made my day! Also everytime I opened my airing cupboard I thought how lovely they all looked lol. 10 years later I'm ready for a change but haven't decided what yet.

My dh is getting me a large frying pan for Christmas & I can't wait!

New bedding is an absolute treat! Enjoy it!

Only thing I would consider luxury is the Milton Brown stuff

Sterilising fluid that smells nice?

Op, you do you. There are so many things that some people class as luxuries that to me are just a waste of money and space. I wouldn't criticise their choice of 'luxury' as frivolous even though they would be for me.

Your choices are much more aligned to the kind of thing that I would chose. There's no point in spending money on things you don't want just because they are regarded as what gifts should consist of.

Why does it matter what anyone else thinks if you are going to enjoy your purchases?

It was DS’s birthday recently and we bought him a luxury mattress topper, it was what he wanted and he said he would never have bought it out of his normal money.

It all sounds lovely OP

I once spent my birthday money on a hammer action drill and drill bits. I was pleased as punch with them. Your birthday money, your choice to spend it on whatever you like. Ignore the friend

I would not have made that comment to a friend who had these purchases with birthday money - but as you have asked, yes these are everyday items rather than personal buys for your own enjoyment.

@ Oorwulliesbucket,

John Lewis do fabulous brushed stainless steel pans. When washed they are like new and will last a lifetime. I polish mine lovingly.

I asked for (and got) some swanky saucepans for my birthday one year. I love them, and think happy thoughts of the person who bought them every time I cook.

Things that you really want are the best presents IMO.