To not want my mil to smack my children

[watsmyname]

My mil looks after my children 2 days a week while I work. I am very grateful for this

It has always been known that I don't smack my children. I was smacked as a child as was my husband. IMO it's hard to tell a child not to hit if that's how they are being disciplined.

My lb has told me this evening granny wasn't nice to him and hit him on the bottom with a wooden spoon. He said he didn't cry so I imagine it wasn't too hard.

Aibu to ask her not to smack them but to discipline in another way.

Of course YANBU !

Yes you should tell her not to do it. Implements should never be used either. I'd not be happy tbh

YANBU. You don't want those discipline techniques used with your child. I'd caution approaching MIL in a calm, reasonable way. Something like "DMIL we really appreciate the help you give us, DC love being with you etc etc.. we understand smacking was a technique our parents used, but it's not what me or DH want for our DC. Can we talk about other approaches?"

I wouldn't want her disciplining them at all, I'd have strong words and find out if it's true then find an alternative arrangements until she stops any physical discipline.

It seems she has very different views of parenting but YANU! Have you ever specifically said please dont hit my child? Not that it matters really but that would be a good starting point and if she behaves adversely to that I’d be looking into alternatives childcare asap! Definitely not ok your poor little boy

Errr No way should your MiL be hitting your children. I wouldn't have her looking after them again.

If anyone smacked my DC (especially with an implement!) that would be the end of any unsupervised contact between them I'm afraid. I work in a school and if a child told me an adult had hit them with a spoon I would have to make a referral to Children's Services.

I’d be furious. Tell her she is never to do that again. And outline how you discipline your children.

You can’t expect everyone to everything thr way you do it but that is definitely way over the line

Have you ever specifically said please dont hit my child?

I wouldn't allow anyone who needed this spelling out to them to look after my child. It should go without saying.

You should tell her, politely, that you would rather she not hit them — as it seems you haven’t had that conversation. However, if your kids are routinely poorly behaved (with smacking the only thing that works for her) then be prepared for her to refuse to keep them. Do you have alternative child care plans?

You are definitely NBU! I am in the same situation as you, my mother and MIL look after my children while I work and while I'm very grateful, I would be furious if they smacked my children, especially with a wooden spoon.
I think you need to definitely have a conversation and determine the circumstances surrounding it, could it have been playful? Either way it's a definite no for me. If you couldn't have a sensible conversation and a guarantee it would never happen again I'd be looking alternative childcare arrangements.

My God, if my MIL hit my children I would cut her fucking hands off at the wrists

YANBU in going postal on this. Disgraceful behaviour from her.

I don't very often do a sharp intake of breath when reading threads but I definitely did with yours. I realise your MIL is doing you a favour with child care but would I fuck let someone hit my kid with a wooden spoon!!!
She needs telling that hitting a child is COMPLETELY unacceptable. She needs to understand that If your child is marked, she could be charged with assault. Also, if someone reports you to MASH, you would definitely have to answer questions from SS!

Find paid childcare and don't let MIL look after them again.

That’s illegal!
It’s against the law to hit a child with an implement - She could find herself in trouble with the law
You and your dh need to have very strong words
( and not let her look after them again)

What the fuck is your MIL's problem that she has to hit children?

She sounds cruel, weak and unintelligent.

@Greensleeves - What a vile comment. OP hasn’t had a conversation with her mil yet, and is using her as free childcare despite her history of smacking. OP clearly didn’t think this one through.

Oneinthegrave seriously? You think "please don't hit my child" should need saying, and if it hasn't been said poor all granny wont know not to?

Silly OP, I bet she also forgot to say "please don't shut my child in the cupboard under the stairs", "please don't force my child to smoke a pack of cigarettes to teach them that smoking is bad" and "please don't leave my preschooler home alone all day while you go to lunch with your friends"

Of course YANBU. It’s so fucking obvious you don’t expect anyone to physically abuse your children it doesn’t need saying. Screw being polite!

What does your husband say?

. I realise your MIL is doing you a favour with child care but would I fuck let someone hit my kid with a wooden spoon!!!
She needs telling that hitting a child is COMPLETELY unacceptable. She needs to understand that If your child is marked, she could be charged with assault. Also, if someone reports you to MASH, you would definitely have to answer questions from SS!

^this

Assaulting your son with a weapon is illegal and totally unacceptable.

I have no sympathy and no patience with people who think it is acceptable to use physical violence against the smallest and most vulnerable people in society, Cherries. They're thick, revolting scum. Sorry, not sorry.

Absolutely have the conversation as hitting children is unacceptable. But as your DS says he didn’t cry, I’d at least ask mil why she did it (give her the chance to say eg it was in jest, only a light tap, they might have been baking together and he tried to taste it and perhaps she tapped him gently/playfully on the bum and said “not yet, silly!”).

Don’t be so ridiculous Cherries101. Are you in the habit of battering small children with wooden implements therefore feel it’s acceptable?

watsmyname can you trust her not to hit if told? Presumably not as she kept it quiet.

You and your husband need to jointly look for replacement childcare asap and jointly take equal time off to cover until you can start with the new provider.

A “light tap”?! With a wooden spoon?