To not want my mil to smack my children

[watsmyname]

My mil looks after my children 2 days a week while I work. I am very grateful for this

It has always been known that I don't smack my children. I was smacked as a child as was my husband. IMO it's hard to tell a child not to hit if that's how they are being disciplined.

My lb has told me this evening granny wasn't nice to him and hit him on the bottom with a wooden spoon. He said he didn't cry so I imagine it wasn't too hard.

Aibu to ask her not to smack them but to discipline in another way.

If indeed it isn't a misunderstanding, I bet this isn't the first time she's done it. Just the first time your son has told you.

I would be finding alternative childcare if I were you.

I'd never be letting her see them again. I wouldn't tolerate anybody smacking my children, if they did it to me it would be abuse but to do it to a helpless child who can't remove themselves or fight back is beyond comprehension.

However you knew they believed in smacking young children so this was always going to be a possible outcome.

She would never babysit for my child again.

Is your dh back yet?

You need to ask her what happened.

No way in hell would I let her have unsupervised contact with my child again. At least until they were teenagers.

My dad once 'playfully' smacked my DD on the bum). She wasn't even 1 and had pulled herself up on the fire (an old style fire) which is never even on as the gas has been disconnected. So no chance of her ever hurting herself on it. I went mad at him. He knew I hated smacking and I'd already had a disagreement with him about it. He was looking at me whilst doing it and saying 'no, no naughty girl', like he was challenging me. He will never be left unsupervised with my daughter as I can't trust him now.

Your child. Your rules.

YADNBU

However stay diplomatic

Omg! Do come back and update us with your DH response.
I would be checking out other childcare options for those two days tbh.

Find out what happened frst. Face to fave because if she did she may well lie to you. Face to face you may be able to see if she is lying.

My DM used to physically abuse me. I will not have her alone with DD, she knows that if she lays one finger on DD she will never see or hear from DD again. She shouted at DD who is only 3 once and that was almost enough for me.

If she hit your child I hope you cut contact.

Your MIL hit your child with a spoon and didn't even have the courtesy to tell you. She either doesn't feel it's even significant or doesn't want you to know. I would be fucking livid. It would be enough for me to go nc or supervised with DC only (and only if she was apologetic enough to convince me). I'd be taking some holiday from work until I found alternative childcare. What a horrible woman to do that to a child.

YABU. Give up your free childcare if you don't like it.

@MakeAHouseAHome do you hit your kids?

Why not find out what actually happened?
It could have been a playful tap or it may have been done in anger, but you can't be sure until you askm

MakeAHouseAHome

It is illegal to hit somebody else's child.
Providing free childcare does not give you the right to hit someone else's child. I've babysat for lots of family members, I would never hit any of the children.
Being a grandparent does not give you the right to hit your grandchild. Only parents have the right to hit a child, and even then not with any kind of implement, and hopefully that will be outlawed soon.

She didn’t ‘smack’ him though did she? She hit him. With a wooden spoon no less! What a thoroughly nasty thing to do to a child

OP i would go absolutely fucking mental and she would never see my kids again, ever. If my DH didnt agree with me he would be out on his ear too.

I find anyone that hits children utterly repulsive, and to be hitting him with what is essentially a wooden stick is unforgivable.

Would you allow her to hit you with a weapon if you had a disagreement?! No of course you wouldn't.

This thread has turned my stomach, please never let this woman near your kids again.

Hang on, are we sure it wasn't a playful tap as part of some kind of game? I have games with my dd where I pretend to be a monster and pretend to bite etc but with her current language level she might say a phrase like 'mummy bit me'.

There's a lot of extreme responses to a situation that may have been misinterpreted.

If she thinks hitting a child, especially with an implement, is in any way acceptable, I'd demonstrate on her. With a shovel.

If a client was doing this to a child in their care, it would be a safeguarding matter. Maybe you should tell MIL that: that if a teacher or similar was aware of this, they'd be on the phone to children's services.

She wouldn’t be seeing my children again let alone babysitting them.

Smacking is bad enough. But hitting with a wooden spoon is on another level altogether. I normally avoid confrontation at all costs but I would livid if anyone did that to either of my children and they most definitely would not be baby sitting again - regardless of who they are and how offended they may be. You May only have scratched the surface. This is what you know about. What don’t you know about???

I know lots of people who were smacked with a wooden spoon when younger and have good relationships with their parents. I also know people who possibly discipline their own children in this way now. I’m not sure if it is necessarily always awful when done in the context of a loving home.
She absolutely shouldn’t be disciplining your children in this way though. She is not their mother and she should respect your choices. If it were my children they would not want to go back so I would be looking for alternative childcare. I would also expect her to apologise to you and your child.

It is illegal to hit a dc with anything but an open hand.
I hope you told dc that she was very wrong to have done it.

I don’t think you have to wait for your husband to come home, I’d be ringing her up and having a discussion about. Or even better, visiting if that was possible.

Don’t text or email, always easier to weasel out of it when it’s in writing.

I would be absolutely livid, regardless of the circumstances. YANBU.

No. No way. I wouldn’t be letting her look after the children again either. You could have social services involved if he told someone at school etc. That would be the quickest no from me. No way.