Can we as an Asian family move to a rural area?

[discopisco]

Just that really. We're currently living in London and are both of Indian parentage. DH has been grumbling about hating the rat race for a while now but I've ignored him (I'm from a small mill town from the north and couldn't wait to get out of there). However, we've just had our first baby and I feel like we're already outgrowing our 2 bed flat. To buy a bigger place in our current area isn't financially possible now or in the near future just on DH's salary. So, I've been looking at property prices where we'd want to move to (close but not too close to where I grew up) and we'd be able to afford a very big house there. However, my worry is racism. I grew up somewhere where there was a very clear white vs Asian divide which resulted in subsequent riots. Would we be mad to move to the rural outskirts of those areas? I love London- despite its many failings- and don't want to be isolated location wise if we were to move or have bricks thrown into our windows, be ostracised in the local area and our child bullied at school. Are my worries justified or am I being paranoid?

There are lots of pros of moving:

Family links
Familiarity
Lots of house for our money
Greenery

Cons:

Potential (most definite?) racism
Crappy schools (we'd probably have to go private)
Potential drop in DHs salary
Missing out on London life and all it has to offer

Would it be worth moving considering the above? Or should we stay out?

Part of me says to keep hold of our flat as once we move out of London we'd never be able to afford to move back but the other half says to go and live our life as best as we can while we can. Would appreciate any help, advice, guidance!

Well this thread is depressing hope you are okay OP.

I'm a white immigrant, so totally different experience in terms of racism, but I have lived rurally/semi-rurally pretty much forever. I would advise looking in areas near Universities or employers that draw skilled workers from around the world eg engineering design hotspots or American military bases as these tend to be more diverse and less of a clash where locals since the dawn of time think jobs are being 'stolen' (obviously that's all bullshit anyway, but... )

Also, if education is important to you. I would avoid areas with lots of requires improvement schools even if you are considering private. In my experience the parents in those areas aren't necessarily bothered by the fact the schools are bad ('as long as the kids are happy') and that this can go had in hand with low expectations of behaviour in general. Creating little bubbles with problems with antisocial behaviour including racist behaviour. My cultural expectation is that the kids can be happy, behave themselves most of the time and also do well academically and that hopefully this leaves them with less bored time on their hands...

Which sometimes causes clashes!

OP- Just move to an up market Northern area- try Harrogate - you’ll get a smaller house than you would elsewhere but still far bigger than London.
There’s very little (I’d say none but I’m white so can’t) racism - people care far more about your income/education than colour of your skin as long as you fit the snobby check list you’ll have no problems at all (sounds like you do).

Also the whole town is so upmarket and posh that the schools are fantatasic (ofstead outstanding options) but there are also well priced private options too.

It’s a very popular place with those leaving London - to me it feels like Fulham’s Northern overflow!

flamingo Well, where did she say she wouldn't consider it? She IS considering it.

Being nervous about racism /= racism.

I would imagine you thinking I think I'm better than everyone else is coming from your insecurities, as it's very hard to discern actual personalities online.

hisaishi its pretty clear shes only considering it for her husband.

Im not insecure at all. I have a nice life, nice children, lovely dp and live in what i consider as a lovely area. 2 weeks ago i lived in a not as nice (but still diverse and tolerant!) Area and guess what i wasnt insecure then either!

What exactly do you think im insecure about?

How many of the people claiming their rural/semi-rural area ‘doesn’t even notice race’ are white?

OP, am a white foreigner who lives in a village just outside a very diverse city. I was struck when we moved here from central London at the fact that the village, bar the family who ran the post office (and, significantly, didn’t live in the village, but in the city), was entirely white, despite being only a few miles from predominantly Asian suburbs.

It’s changed slightly over the six years we’ve lived here, with a few affluent Asian families moving in, but given the proximity of a huge Asian population, I’m still struck by how under-represented Asians are at the things there are to do in the countryside in the vicinity of the city — farm parks, horse-related activities, walking, climbing, pick your own fruit farms etc. You virtually never see a non-white face. It’s as though there’s a race-line encircling the edge of the city. Through meeting the parents of Asian kids my son is friends with at school, my sense is also that those who live in the village put a lot of effort into blending in. His best friend’s mother (professional Asian originally from the local city, very nice) is incredibly class-conscious and throws huge amounts of money at her children doing prestigious sports to make — I quote — ‘nice friends.’

Which brings me to the reason I’m posting. Leaving aside racism entirely, I miss the cultural life of London enormously. There is very, very little going on in our local city — a theatre which mostly seems to host touring musicals, a cinema that mostly shows blockbusters, a small museum — and train fares are too expensive to get back to London as often as I’d like. We. Ended to leave for work reasons, it I regret it.

I live on the edge of a very similar northern mill town (that has been mentioned on this thread). I am white, so not able to comment from personal experience. Because such strong segregation still exists, in my area you would stand out. Your child would likely be the only non-white child at school. You would be the only non-white family on country walks or in the park. I'm not sure how much conscious racism you would experience, but you might experience the blunderings of people trying too hard (I remember an Asian mum at the local church toddler group where the well-meaning ladies running it ostentatiously flapped around making sure she didn't feel uncomfortable/offended during the prayer at the end. She hadn't until then, and never came back). But I think a lot of the tensions from 2001 are still bubbling under the surface- you still hear the aside comments when fireworks go off for Eid, complaints that our park has no investment but the ones in the Asian areas are brand new, postings on the local FB forum about suspicious activities from 'foreign-looking' people, and a surprisingly strong Ukip vote. I can imagine living round here would be a very different experience from London. Good luck in what you decide.

flamingo I just don't see how you could conclude anything about my personality from my posts. Seems a very odd thing to do, people usually do that when someone hits a sore point in them, which they then reflect back on the other person. That is why I assume it's to do with some kind of insecurity. Not that you're an insecure person, which is a different thing, although the fact that you seem to need validation about your life from a stranger on the internet suggests you might be.

You're also saying 'it's clear she's only doing it for her husband' - again, unless you're in her head, I'm not sure how you jumped to that conclusion.

Seems like you have your viewpoint and don't want it to ever be challenged or questioned.

I lived just outside the M25. Kids went to a lovely school (tiny class sizes - was lovely - although only for infants - the next school was going to be more of an issue), mix of kids from everywhere at the school. Commutable to London - so perhaps there's a half-way house you could go for if you're worried about moving out to far.

On the other hand, my parents moved to a village in the middle of no-where when they were married. We're white. We were considered 'outsiders' (and to the originals in the village, still are) and were treated in a fairly stand-offish way throughout our time there, so it's not always going to be racism, sometimes it's because you don't have 3 generations of relatives, a village street named after you, and a family farm

hisaishi i dont need validation from anyone on the internet. Im posting my views on this thread like everyone else.

Good attempt at armchair psychology but youre well off the mark.

I think op saying "shes ignored" her husband when hes spoken about leaving london previously really speaks for itself. Thats not my interpretation.

flamingo why you going on and on and on about how wonderful your town/life is then?

You're the one who started with the armchair psychology, interesting that you don't like it as much when it's turned round on you.

Look at moving out to the end of the met line and into Bucks. There’s a huge professional middle class Asian community. Should tick all your boxes.

Oh im sorry am i not allowed to mention on a thread where op is asking if she can live rurally, a town where she could happily live rurally thats the whole point of the fucking thread.

I didnt start any armchair psychology i said you think youre better than everyone else, and your posts clearly show that. Its not really the same as saying you need validation from strangers on internet.

OK, girl.

Proved my point there didnt you.

I would advise you to stay in london with all the other self important arseholes.

South manchester suburbs could be a bit of a half way house for you? Less of the segregation issues there seem to be in North Manchester/Lancs towns and great schools. Our area e.g. has synagogue and mosque in same suburb, Buddhist temple down the road etc our scout troop has merged with the local mosque troop. Schools are mixed and don't have that white/Asian divide that I've seen in n mancs (lived up there for a few years and thought it was quite polarised). Downside is houses more expensive than n mancs/ Lancs villages though!

Don't live in London, ladygirl.

Flamingo, it’s hard not to wonder if there’s a correlation between your aggressive posts and the fact that, despite being white, you feel you can claim no one on your street is racist.

I know where you are comming from, I also was brought up in a northern town where one side of the town was white and the other was Asian and rarely did the two ever meet. It might be the same town.

Currently I' in Wolverhampton and, like London, it is both diverse and people rub along OK. No one bats an eyelid if I buy samosas froma sweet centre. I know if I went in to a sweet centre in the town I grew up in I would be treated politely but I'm sure when I left I would be talked about because that's not what white people do there.

I year or two ago I went into a pub about 5-6 miles outside Wolverhampton and we got chatting to some locals. Everyone seemed nice until they asked where we were from, the locals then expressed lome racist comments. It knocked me for 6 because I just did not expect it

I worked with a nurse who's husband is from NI, she's Indian and when she first went to meet his family she was stared at in the street becuase she was so rare. It wasn't mallice, just the first brown person most people had seen (this is going back 20 years).

So.

Check out the area, go visit and see how you feel. Do you feel comfortable?

The areas I was looking at were the villages of Higham, Fence, Barrowford, Roughlee, Clitheroe, etc. I'm assuming they're no go?

I've just gone back over the thread before posting an answer.

Definitely spend some time there, my gut reaction is to say 'no' to you. I only visit my dad occasionally so things may have changed.

The last time I was in the area I went shopping and I wqas being served by a charming young woman who happened to be wearing Hijab. She had a beautiful hairslide/pin securing it nad I said how much I liked it.

Her reaction was initially to pause and then say thank you. I couldn't understand the pause. Then it hit me, white people there dopn't say things like that. Mostly the two communites live parallel lives.

Wow that's a ramble and not much help.

Basically I think you can face racism anywhere, some places are worse than others. I tend to find cities less racist and places where there is a mixture of backgrounds the least so.

Definitely try Bucks/Herts - commutable into London and lovely villages.

Not read whole thread but sorry you got a hard time OP. People like to deny/make excuses for racism.

Ladygirl? Wtf?

I wouldn't live in london if you paid me.

bedhair of course because im white, i am also blind and stupid.

Im saying everyone gets on on our street regardless of their race or background.

Im hardly being aggressive but its frustrating not to be allowed an opinion on the street you actually live on just because youre white.

Good for you, honey, you show them Londoners.