Can we as an Asian family move to a rural area?

[discopisco]

Just that really. We're currently living in London and are both of Indian parentage. DH has been grumbling about hating the rat race for a while now but I've ignored him (I'm from a small mill town from the north and couldn't wait to get out of there). However, we've just had our first baby and I feel like we're already outgrowing our 2 bed flat. To buy a bigger place in our current area isn't financially possible now or in the near future just on DH's salary. So, I've been looking at property prices where we'd want to move to (close but not too close to where I grew up) and we'd be able to afford a very big house there. However, my worry is racism. I grew up somewhere where there was a very clear white vs Asian divide which resulted in subsequent riots. Would we be mad to move to the rural outskirts of those areas? I love London- despite its many failings- and don't want to be isolated location wise if we were to move or have bricks thrown into our windows, be ostracised in the local area and our child bullied at school. Are my worries justified or am I being paranoid?

There are lots of pros of moving:

Family links
Familiarity
Lots of house for our money
Greenery

Cons:

Potential (most definite?) racism
Crappy schools (we'd probably have to go private)
Potential drop in DHs salary
Missing out on London life and all it has to offer

Would it be worth moving considering the above? Or should we stay out?

Part of me says to keep hold of our flat as once we move out of London we'd never be able to afford to move back but the other half says to go and live our life as best as we can while we can. Would appreciate any help, advice, guidance!

Name changed, but am a long time poster.
I’m asia, but I moved to the French countryside about a decade ago, and you really can’t get more rural than where I live (most likely to see my neighbors on a tractor as in a car).

I grew up in London & the South east.
I honestly wouldn’t want a better place for my children to grow up than the countryside.
I probably grew up in a more anglicised household, as my parents spoke English at home.
However I love my fix of the multicultural uk when I go back and I and my DS adore going back to my home country every year. But France is home.
In the same way that your parents moved overseas; just do the move to the countryside! People can be horrible and not necessarily racist. But I have only come across it a couple of times in my life. I am probably blissfully ignorant of other occasions; but attitude is everything.
Take the leap and if it all goes tits up, move back.

hisaishi youre embarrasing yourself.

Oh no, am I?

I'll never show my face in the mill towns of the north again.

Youd probably get chased out by white people with pitchforks shouting racist remarks yeno because were all so fucking backwards.

It would be really fucking weird for white people to be racist against another white person, but given the mad racists that all live there, you never know, eh?

Dh is Asian. I too would love to move rurally but am aware that he would feel out of place. Equally, he wants to buy a house in a rural village back in his homeland for us to retire to, and I am very uncomfortable with that - I know I will attract unwanted attention and will not feel safe when dh is out of the house.

I think if you are going to feel uncomfortable, whether those feelings are misplaced or not, then don't do it. Move to the suburbs of London perhaps, to get more house for your money, but don't go too rural.

I think it depends a lot on the area. I have an old school friend of Asian heritage. She took a promotion in a smallish town the South-west. Despite being born in the UK, and having a strong regional UK accent, she was always being asked "but where are you REALLY from?" and felt very much an outsider. I wonder if it would have been even more pronounced if she'd had a non-uk accent or covered her head.

I'm not implying that all of the SW is like this, but I think statistics show that outside of the cities Britain is still very white. If it were me I would consider another unsegregated UK city - Birmingham/Liverpool/Manchester??? - over a rural move.

You never know do you considering its not london anything could happen.

Its funny how its ok to be disrespectful about a group of people as long as theyre white though right?

Yeah, it's hilarious.

Done messing with you now, you're boring.

"The ones that we think will be throwing bricks through our windows are probably the ones that would welcome us with open arms".

I live in a large-ish town in a very rural county. My impression in the decade or so I've been here (important disclaimer - I'm white) is that it has improved imeasurably. When I first came down here (firm re-located) one of my Asian colleagues stuck it for about 6 months then got a new job back in the SE because he had had enough of the casual racism on the streets on a Saturday night. However, other Asian colleagues have stayed and like it. The town is definitely more diverse than it used to be (and has a Mosque and Gudwara).

My DS's school is also reasonably diverse, and he has quite a few black and Asian friends. On the other hand, being in small minorities rather than more visible can have an impact on the children (one of my friends was very upset when her DD, then about 7, said "why can't I be white like you mummy?" - though whether this was because there are only half a dozen or so other black and mixed race children in her school year, or whether it's because she was beginning to internalise the wider cultural messages in our society - Disney films, catwalk models, magazine covers - that white beauty is "normal" beauty, I don't know).

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that my impression from talking to friends is that it is definitely harder to be BAME in a less diverse environment, but how much that spills over into overt racism, how much of it is stealth under-the-radar racism (which can be equally draining in the long run) and how much of it is just feeling like you're isolated over some issues will be variable. At least I have the feeling my town is going in the right direction.

@Bedhair Asian DH goes to a lot of stereotypically countrysidy things with me (because I like them). It's hard to find another non white face. H thinks its maybe because a lot of Asian people in the UK grew up in big cities so they don't really know 'what there is to do' in the countryside/just don't think of the countryside as a place to go.

OP you're coming across as quite racist yourself.

There is racism in London just as, sadly, there is racism all over the U.K. However, there is also a greater degree of multiculturalism in London compared to other parts of the country. One of the things I most appreciate about living in London as a result is that my children are growing up in a hugely mixed community, and their school reflects an incredibly diverse population. For them, being mixed race (Indian and Caucasian English) makes them no more distinctive or “other” than anyone else. I love, love, love that they, and the other children in their school, are growing up to celebrate and be inclusive of “difference” because, in their eyes, everyone is both different and the same. That’s what all of these schoolchildren are learning just by dint of being in such a multicultural environment. My own experiences of living all over the U.K. as a child were markedly different. That’s one of the reasons why I would be very hesitant indeed to move away from where we currently live.

@TeaforDad well done for wilfully misunderstanding OP's post. Whatabouterry at its finest.

@LewisMam so racism is all the fault of the victims, is it?

“I think the bigger issues are when there are large numbers of one culture gathered and living in one area of town”

Haha, that is exactly the problem! Half my family live in an area where large numbers of white people have lived for generations without moving away or experiencing newcomers (no jobs, rural deprivation). So yes, maybe fearing large numbers of white people of one culture is exactly what the OP fears.

Rightly, in the case of where my family live. (The entire county’s education authority was put in special Measures a few years ago, too. Maybe that’s part of the problem)

Though to be fair, not at brick throwing levels. But the numerous England flags really aren’t just about football.

Honestly, if you have not experienced being of a non-white racial minority in this country you really cannot comment. Yes, you and your friends will be decent open minded inclusive people, but that doesn’t enable you to see what happens elsewhere or attune you to the constant attrition of banal misunderstanding, ignorance, stereotyping or hostility.

On the other hand there are lovely places to live in harmony. Pick carefully .

I live rurally. My child also goes to a private school. There are also children of all ethnicity who attend the school. Yes, it is predominantly white, however there certainly is NO racism, the parents and children are certainly not ostracised in any way.

I cannot envisage a situation in which someone would have their windows smashed in. I'd say there would be far more chance of that in London! However, perhaps not all rural communities are as tolerant, it depends where you move to.

I live in a very non-diverse area. Little villages dotted about between small towns, no cities for at least an hour. You'd be welcome here. We have had some Indian heritage families in the area, just not very many. All welcomed and all became part of the community.

A good school helps, for sure. It brings people together.

As for the missing out, well...that depends what you're worried about missing. We don't have spontaneous evenings at big theatres, big music events are rarely held in my area, festivals and carnivals are low-key but there is a wealth of open countryside which I personally would never swap for the city activities. But we all like different things. I love the cities but for a visit, not as a place to live with children.

I'm British my husband isn't, we looked at some beautiful rural houses but he absolutely wouldn't go for them for fear of racism. In our experience it's real and since brexit people are very vocal about it, especially in the building trade- he's a builder. Our children have forreign names and attend a fairly ethically diverse school where no one bats and eye lid (even for South of england) we worried about rural schools and our children being 'different' as they have a Muslim heritage.

Lots of nice MNs will say you'll be welcomed with open arms....But in my experience , you'll be met with curiosity at best and hostility at worst.

It is unfair to think that all northern and midlands country areas are racist. You just need to do your homework, visit areas look at schools, talk to neighbours. There are small mixed communities in lovely villages and small towns. I live in a little country lane in a predominantly whote middle class. Three families on our lane are asian and seem happy in schools and home neighbours

Op you’re coming across as quite racist yourself.
Can’t say I agree. Op sounds anxious and wanting guidance. The thing about schools was more of an unfortunate lack of explanation clarified last night.

discopiso
If you do consider bucks, be aware they have the grammar school system. Apparently some of the non selective secondary schools (where those, who fail 11+ can go) are very good and others are poor. I know this is years away but just something to be aware of.

Quote Almost every person who is Asian/black on this thread has said they have had issues outside London

Errr no we haven't!! Quite a few of us have said the opposite. And that prejudicial generalisations about "outside London" aren't helpful, including that outside London rural areas have 'crappy schools' and will be racist.

Many PPs have shared their positive experiences & even suggested specfic areas OP might like to explore to see if it's what OP& DH are looking for, to start her off.

Some of the assumptions I'm reading on here are @Hisaishi etc. Have your voice but don't ignore or rewrite the experiences of others

Camomila, absolutely. It just strikes me more forcibly here because there’s a city with a huge non-white population right on the doorstep. DH and I (white, neither of us from the UK) both grew up in deprived inner city areas in our home country, where the idea of going to the country for leisure was totally unfamiliar, and while DH still feels this, I’ve begun to enjoy walking, and love the network of field paths locally. Our Asian friends are with DH, and think that going fo a walk when there’s no need is weird — our parents would also agree.