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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to school run?

456 replies

Nanaletti · 16/11/2018 11:03

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 16/11/2018 12:02

How dare he turn his phone off! Did he know how you were feeling when he left for work or wherever?

Original poster
Nanaletti · 16/11/2018 12:02

He's read my message as well. He's just turned his phone off so I now have no choice. I'm really tempted to say it's the last time I'm doing it now.

OP posts:
autumnleaf1 · 16/11/2018 12:02

So neither the mum nor dad does any school runs and it's up to you and a grandad to do everything? That's just ridiculous. It's not your child! In fact you are being asked to ignore the safety of yourself and your baby just so that you don't inconvenience the parents.

It's Friday today, so i assume you're supposed to be leaving soon. I would be phoning up DH and saying you're not doing it as of today and he can sort out the school runs with the mum, as any normal parents would, not putting the burden on an exhausted mother and pretending that's reasonable!! Then turn the phone off and go to sleep.

Driving when exhausted can have terrible consequences.

Original poster
Nanaletti · 16/11/2018 12:03

@autumnleaf1 Mum does lots of school runs rest of the week and drops him to us on a Thursday which I think is fair.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 16/11/2018 12:04

OP, it's not his place to leave you to sort out his child and turn his fucking phone off, either!

I'm really tempted to say it's the last time I'm doing it now.

Just do that. Just tell him.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/11/2018 12:05

If he cannot change his work pattern to accommodate this he has to have DSS only at the weekend!

Why hasn't this been talked about?

Even if it's only for a short time till you're willing and able to do the school run.

whynotgetalong · 16/11/2018 12:06

Sorry, I'm confused.

So every single Friday you agreed to pick up your husband's son from his mother's house nearby and take him and then pick up from the local school. Then the mother decided to move hours away and you're still expected to do the school run on Fridays?

Basically, you and your 4 week old baby drive 1 hour to pick up your husband's son from his mother's house and take the son to school. Then you and your 4 week old baby drive 1 hour back to your house and wait.

A couple hours later, you and your 4 week old baby then drive 1 hour back to your husband's son's school, pick up the son and drop him off at his mother's house. Then you and your baby drive back to your own house.

Am I understanding that correctly? Why on earth are you driving hours (with a small baby) just to pick the child up from school? Did you actually agree to this or was this an arrangement your DH and his ex worked out? It's not as if the boy is coming home with you for the weekend or something. Can the child's mother not pick him up on Fridays? How frequently does the son actually see his father/your DH? Fair enough your DH works, but if the mother chose to move hours away then she can't expect you to still do the school run.

I think you should stop doing this. Your DH has no reason to change the situation because it's not affecting him. He doesn't want his father to drive all that way, but he doesn't mind his exhausted wife doing it? Hmm It's making you even more exhausted and it sounds like resentment is building and tbh I don't blame you!

OksanaAstankova · 16/11/2018 12:07

How does it take an hour to drive 20 miles?

YANBU. I also don't think it's unreasonable to ask your FIL. 75 isn't exactly ancient. My parents are a similar age and they are perfectly capable of driving for a few hours.

blackteasplease · 16/11/2018 12:07

Turning his phone off is outrageous. He obviously doesn't care about his son's safety then. Or your well being.

It would not be you to cause the order to be broken if he has his phone off.

I'd be tempted to simply not do it tbh. I'd may be call the school and tell them. They can contact Mum and dad.

You shouldn't drive exhausted. Could kill the lot of you, especially if your baby is crying and distracting you. This situation should never have been dreamt of imo.

Steamedbadger · 16/11/2018 12:08

I'm still confused too OP. You say "DH's Dad helps sometimes but he's 75 and DH doesn't want to ask him to do 2x 40 mile round trips a day. ". Do you mean DSS is driven 20 miles to/from school every day? How old is DSS?

blackteasplease · 16/11/2018 12:08

And I agree that a healthy 75 yo is much more able to do this than an exhausted mother 4 weeks pp.

MarshaBradyo · 16/11/2018 12:08

How can he not even consider you in all this
Feel so annoyed for you

whynotgetalong · 16/11/2018 12:08

Mum does lots of school runs rest of the week and drops him to us on a Thursday which I think is fair.

Then why don't you keep him overnight Thursday night, drop him at school on Friday morning and then his mother can pick him up from school Friday and take him back to her house? That sounds more reasonable.

Original poster
Nanaletti · 16/11/2018 12:11

I'm confused why does everyone think I'm picking him up from his mums?

His mum drops him off on a Thursday.
We then have him overnight Thursday to Friday evening every week. Every other week we have him Thursday to Sunday.

Sorry if I explained that poorly initially.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/11/2018 12:12

Just have him at the weekend?!

Original poster
Nanaletti · 16/11/2018 12:13

@GreatDuckCookery would be ideal...

OP posts:
ContessaHallelujahSparklehorse · 16/11/2018 12:14

Wow, your DH is really acting like a twat here. Turned off his phone?! That's really fucking poor.

autumnleaf1 · 16/11/2018 12:14

Oh ok, so the mum is pulling her weight, it's just your DH who isn't. I am angry on your behalf that he read your message and turned his phone off. How dare he. Phone the school and the mum and say you can't do the pick up today. Text DH the same. If he chooses not to read it, that's his problem. You don't default to doing as you're told just because he turns his phone off.

If he breaks the court order by not sorting something out, that's his fault, not yours. You've given him several hours warning. Childcare plans fall through from time to time and the parents step up and sort it. They don't turn their phone off and expect others to sort it out on their behalf.

You didn't even agree to do this crazy school run in the first place!

Alijca · 16/11/2018 12:15

Is there a glossary of acronyms used on Mumsnet? I don't understand a lot of what's being said.

TeenTimesTwo · 16/11/2018 12:15

I think that as Mum has moved further away you need to rethink arrangements and do Fri pm to Sun pm/Monday am alternate weekends.

Your DH needs to pick up and drop off either to school or Mum.

This isn't about the baby, this is about a 40 mile school run.

UrsulaPandress · 16/11/2018 12:16

I agree that now he is at school so far away it would make far more sense to have him at the weekend instead. But that doesn't solve your immediate problem.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 16/11/2018 12:17

I think you need to just get up and do it. It's a responsibility you agreed to. Baby will be fine. Just go

Original poster
Nanaletti · 16/11/2018 12:18

@Thesnobbymiddleclassone so if I agree to something once, that means I've agreed to do it forever regardless of circumstances?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 16/11/2018 12:18

I also think its too long for a new born to be in the car.

autumnleaf1 · 16/11/2018 12:18

Thesnobby she did not agree to this

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