to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

@BombBiggleton I've never had a baby before. I had absolutely zero idea I would feel this tired. I'm exhausted. Maybe I'm naive who knows.

I think your h needs to sort this - tell him dss either goes to after school club, giving you more time to stop and feed baby or he changes the arrangement with dss' mother.

Is he coming to you after the school pick up?

I’d just stop. Leave your DH and his ex to work out the logistics.

If you fall asleep at the wheel the results could be disastrous. No way should you be doing a four hour round trip in a sleep deprived state.

You’re not saying it’s forever, but right now you physically can’t. And I don’t think it’s suitable to have baby in a car seat that long either.

DH doesn't do any school runs. Just to add that in to the mix! It's all done by me and his dad.

This needs to change.

He needs to sort something out with his work. His DSS, his responsibility.

You have a newborn to look after! Hope you get some rest.

I don't understand this at all. If the DM has moved away it is up to her to work out who does drop-offs and pick-ups.

How come your DH has agreed to this set-up at all? Or did he agree knowing that it would be you and his DF who did all the running around.

I think I'd nip this in the bud now. If he is due to come to you on a Friday then DH can pick up as and when he finishes work.

As tough as it is it seems there is no alternative at this point and if would be unfair to make a young child feel pushed out because of a new sibling.

I am SM and love my DSC loads, cook for them, look after them twice a week, pay for things for them, organize countless fun activities, do school runs etc. However in these circumstances, you are his step mum, not his mum. I cant believe people are saying yabu for being knackered with a brand new baby and just want a break from picking somebody else's child up from school.

once you get married it doesn't just turn into your responsibility to deal with step children and you to be expected to do every school run. its an added bonus for your DH that you are willing to do that every week.

my DH picks my two DSC up from school and I will do any time he is stuck at work- don't know about your arrangement but my DH doesn't have his kids if he is at work? he has them on days off and days he starts/finishes late. I'm 34 weeks pregnant and will not be doing any school runs when my DS is born until I feel I can again. my DH totally agrees, as they aren't my children. totally ridiculous to even consider that long journey. its down to his parents to sort out, like I said you are already doing them a favour, you aren't a taxi service.

sounds harsh but its the truth. not your responsibility. your DH will have to finish early once a week or he will have to go in an after school club/granddad pick up. none of this is on you.

well done for coping with a 4 week old! concentrate on her

Honestly don’t do it

Presumably your DH would need to take time off work? If that's the case, could he sacrifice a couple of days' annual leave (four afternoon half days) by which time you might be feeling more up to it.

(Did you post about this before you had the baby?)

I mentioned after school club but it didn't materialise.

Then I'd mention it again. And keep mentioning it till he sorts something out.

He's being really unfair on you. I think I remember you posting about your concerns this would happen before your baby was born and I'm sorry he hasn't stepped up and you're exhausted and feeling under pressure.

You've gone above and beyond and you don't have to carry on doing so. Your DSS is loved and and important but right now you have every right to focus on your own recovery and on making sure your baby is as comfortable as possible, not being pulled from pillar to post, and that makes you a responsible Mum.

If they were both your children and you were struggling with a 4 week old no one would say your older child would feel less important because you were exhausted and needed a break from endless driving.

@Sirzy surely safety is most important here though? I'm so stressed at the idea of driving with a cluster feeding baby, having pressure of being at the school on time, being sleep deprived and anxious. If I had a c section I wouldn't be able to drive right now..

I don't think anyone can be fully prepared for how tiring a newborn can be. They are also not supposed to be in a car seat for too long. Can you phone the school and see if they have any space at after school club and get your DH to leave work early?

@Plasticgiraffe I can't phone the school as I'm not her parent. But I could get DH to do it! It's hard to get him to actually do these things sometimes.

I'm so tired

It’s not safe to do it

I cant believe people are saying yabu for being knackered with a brand new baby and just want a break from picking somebody else's child up from school.

Me either. Your DH needs to sort it out.

Give your DH 2 options:

He arranges after school club until he can collect.

He arranges time off work so he can collect.

That's it. No other options.

Could he not just be picked up from his mum's house after your DH finishes work?

What would you think if it was your sone and you had shared custody? In your situation, would you be prepared to drive to pick him up once a week?

As tough as it is it seems there is no alternative at this point and if would be unfair to make a young child feel pushed out because of a new sibling.

It's up to his parents to make sure he's feeling happy and included.

It's up to OP to keep herself and her tiny new baby fed and comfortable.

The ex moving is what's caused the problem. She needs to sort it.

@Charmatt if it was my son he wouldn't be in a school 20 miles away.

I wouldn’t have driven 40 miles 4 weeks post partum with a 4 week old in a car seat. Just no.

It’s not good for you or your baby and is quite risky for everyone on the road to be honest.

His dad needs to take some time off work this week and next too probably.

Have you posted about this before? I vaguely recall some unreasonable situation where the DH and father expected the OP to do all the school runs as it was something he agreed to do for his ex and it had continued, although now the mother had moved much further away and he "couldn't" do them because he worked FT.

Whether you are that poster or a new one, the mother and father need to join ranks and sort out and fund wraparound care closer to the child's school and main home.