to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

So his dad does 4 and you do one?

YANBU. You have a newborn baby.

Your DH needs to come to a different arrangement with his ex.

I understand that life goes on but the vast majority of people will be looking at a 30-40 min round trip journey for school run, not 2 hours of driving. Guess I'll just have to suck it up and crack on.

Isn't there a recommendation that small babies shouldn't be in cars seats for that long in one go anyway? I don't know, it's been lots of years since I had a newborn! But I'd look it up, it might help your argument

I would have thought it would be reasonable to not have to do the pick up at the moment when you are shattered, but to stop it for the "foreseeable" seems maybe a bit unhelpful.

The night before you have the school run day your DH should do all night feeds so you get decent sleep then you'll be able to drive safely
Reasonable compromise considering your DH brings nothing to the table at the moment

@GreatDuckCookery I usually drop him off and pick him up on a Friday so 4 ish hours of driving in total. I work from home in between.

Whilst DD is little, his dad is doing drop off in the morning and I am meant to be picking up, but I'm just knackered and don't feel up to 2 hours of driving with a baby who is cluster feeding and cranky.

It's only one day a week.

DSS doesn't live you with? But you're expected to pick him up from school once a week. Is that the situation?

@GreatDuckCookery yep that's the arrangement at the moment.

So his dad does 4 and you do 1

As it is a step son, I was rather assuming that he comes to them one night a week and she collects on that night? The other four mums presumably his mum picks him up, also explains distance to school.

I do agree with you but what are the options? I presume it’s not realistic for your DH to give up work or go part time, is annual leave for a few weeks realistic? As above, can your DSS go to an after school club so your DH can collect him from there

LOL. Ok I was wrong.

After school club then his Dad doing pick up sounds good

If it's once a week I think you should be doing it, otherwise it's making it very clear to DSS that he's no longer important now you've had a new baby. Maybe ask his dad to do it for 2-3 weeks while you recover a bit.
If its twice a week then one for you and one for his dad could work longer term.
If its more than 50% of pick ups then you need to discuss him moving to a school closer to his primary home.

@Caprisunorange I mentioned after school club but it didn't materialise.

Can you dh not work some flexi time. It is so unfair on you in this situation. We have this as well, my gs's dad never turns up to collect him andin fact doesn't even turn up at all some weekends leaving it to his parents.

If his ex moved with their dd, would she not be prepared to bring her to you. Often courts will tend to ask the parents to share the travel on contact when one party moves away. She could drop off and you or rather your dh could return her. That is the fairest solution but only you know the circumstances.

You do need to be careful that dsd does not feel pushed out because of your new baby though as reluctance to collect on your part could look that way. Sorry op.

Sorry x post with your 11.19 post.

Is there anyone on the mums side that could help out? If not I don't know what to suggest sorry, I know that doesn't help.

At least if FIL is doing one trip it alleviates you a little bit.

Sorry again op, I meant to say DSS.

I didn’t think a 4 week old should be in a car seat for 2 hours.

Wouldn't do it.

@ZigZagZebras I disagree. DSS is very important to us both but things change and children need to learn this too. It might even be nice that his dad is coming to pick him up after a bit! I would rather not drive when shattered. I'm only talking about until DD sleeps a bit longer so I can sleep too and am not exhausted

I think really in hindsight this issue could have been forseen..how did you think you would manage whilst you pregnant? you must have known you would have to do this journey before the baby was born?

As it is it seems like you are stuck, apart from not taking your child to school on that day.

I would say that it is dangerous for you and your children to be doing this journey whilst you are in the state you are in.

Something has to give here; you can't keep doing this.

Part of it for me and it seems there are many factors to this situation, is how much your dh appreciates you doing it? How much he understands that at the moment it is very hard for you.

And the fact that he himself does NONE of the school runs would piss me off big time.

We would never let DSS feel left out. We would just explain how tired I am and how I didn't want to drive in case I fell asleep. It would only be for a short while and we make sure DSS feels included at all other times. :)

I wouldn't want a small baby in a car seat for that length of time. Needing feeding, possibly crying and putting you off driving.
I'd say it's after school club until you feel the situation has changed.