to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

She didn’t agree
Only to close by then it was very very good of the op to continue

The fact that your DH has read the message and turned his phone off wound make me view him in a whole new light 😞.

If I were you I would set off soon and stop for a coffee/feed before pick up then have a serious talk this evening!

You should have told him that you couldn't do it & then switched your phone off!

OP it’s a safety issue. How can you drive safely if distracted by your baby crying to be fed and you are unable to attend to her because you will be late for the pickup
Baby’s well being/safety compromised by long drives.
Driver is too fatigued to drive safely with risk to two children
If asked I suspect exW wouldn’t want DSS put at risk
For time being DH to pick DSS up from his mother on Friday evening and return Sunday evening. To compensate DH to have DSS on odd public holidays.
Court order does not prevent parents coming to alternative mutually agreeable arrangements

I know you don't want to but would the xW be an option this week until you can sort something? She's more likely to understand the newborn sleep deprived phase and TBH she may not want DSS in a car with someone so exhausted.

I would say you can’t commit at the moment to each week. Your knackered and the baby can’t be in the car seat 4 hours!

You’re

Surely you need to think of the safety and wellbeing of your child rather than the SC in this case. I would not be taking a 4week old baby in a car seat for that long. Since your DH has turned off his mobile- give him a call at work and make it clear that you will NOT be picking the SC from school. If he doesn't take the call, leave the message with the person who answers.

How old is DSS?

I wouldn't do it. Nope. Not right now. Maybe in a few months. Dh's problem. Don't apologise or explain if you can help it. Breastfeeding newborns are what they are and they do not mix well with long car trips.

@GreatDuckCookery would be ideal..

Have you talked to your H about it? Surely this the most sensible solution for you right now?

It's sounds like it's a long way away. Do you have any friends that live in that town that you could visit between 9 and 3? Is there a drop in playgroup or something you could go to? Is there somewhere half way you could wait? Could you take someone with you and plan to do different things in the area each Friday? Ie shopping centre, baby cinema etc?

Oh poor you, OP.

Can you call your DP's dad, and explain that you are not safe to drive today and please could he pick up his grandson because your DP has switched off his phone?

I’d let my exhaustion and hormones take over and send one text to DH and his ex. ‘I will not be collecting DSS from school today’. You’re being way too nice and polite about this.

You can call the school and say you cannot pick up today because you are unsafe to drive and cannot get hold of your partner.

Then they can call their emergency contacts, which should include him and DSS's mother.

If your DP has a workplace number I would call that now and leave that message urgently.

DH has now turned his phone off so looks like I'm doing it this afternoon

id be contacting DH father and if no luck there, contact the child's mother. theres no way id be doing that school run. if you became ill all of a sudden or an emergency happened then you wouldn't be collecting him anyway, likewise if DSS became ill, school would ring mum and if dads phone was off she would have to collect him. whats the difference?

fwiw, if my DH turned his phone off at any point when we had a brand new baby, let alone on a contact day with DSC, he'd be getting it both barrels when he got home. then he'd also be told I wont be doing another school run again. no arguments just fact.

stop being soft and stand up for not only yourself but your baby aswell! the results of you doing a 4 hour trip tired is not worth thinking about.

Please look after yourself and your child's welfare first.

What a prick. That would make a decision easier for me - I would not go. You informed him, the ball is in his court. he's acting like a twat.

I forgot to say that your DH is an arsehole for switching his phone off and a selfish git for not sorting out after school club.

I'm confused. If your DSS is under a court order, surely his mum couldn't move 20 miles away without court permission or your DH's consent? If your DH has agreed to this on the basis that the only person inconvenienced is YOU, then that is totally unfair. He needs to make the effort to collect his son. Leaving it to you seems outrageous, especially while you are looking after HIS DD.

Rant over. I don't think you should be driving if you're tired. You'll be putting yourself, your DSS and your DD at risk. Your DH and his ex needs to pull his finger out and sort out an arrangement that doesn't involve you.

It's impossible to imagine how little sleep and how tired you get with a newborn until it happens. It's horrible!
Do the school run one last time and tell H that you're not doing it again until DD sleeps through the night and you're less tired.
You are not being mean or unreasonable so don't allow yourself to be bullied or guilt-tripped into this ridiculously long school run.

Does the school have an afterschool club? If so, call the school, book your DSS into that and text your DH to tell him that that's where his son will be.

I can't believe both the Ex & your DH think this is fine to leave on your shoulders. If the school was close by it would be an entirely different story, but 2 hours of driving on a Friday night by a tired new mum with a 4 week old baby? Why on earth was it assumed you'd be fine with this??

If you cannot drive because you are too tired and it's dangerous then don't. But if you don't want to and you could then I think you should. I don't know what you DP does, but or where he works in relation to the school but it would quite challenging to leave any office environment at say 1400 to collect at 1500. If he is the sole breadwinner then I would think about that. And before anyone says he needs to step up, I agree- but not with no or little notice unless an emergency which is fine. Break the journey there with your baby or on the way home- maybe stop at services for a treat or early tea. Take baby out of car seat on the breaks.

Yep call the school and tell them you can’t make it
They will contact his parents

Do not do this school run, your h is an asshole! He is risking your life, your babies life and the life of his ds, not to mention whoever is on the road at the same time!

It is NOT SAFE!

Call your FIL, call your DH’s employer and leave a message saying that your dh is not contactable, that you are not feeling well enough to pick your SS up and he will need to. I would then be telling my h that he could come home and pack his bags with that behaviour! Ignoring your message and turning his phone off makes me think he is a controlling bully!

You and your baby are your first priority! If he cares that little about you both that he would risk your lives, rather than take responsibility for his own son then he doesn’t deserve either of you. Can you go stay with family/ friends? I would want to make a point about the way he is treating you!

If you cannot get a hold of your FIL or your Dh’s employer then call the school and then they can contact either your dh’s ex or your dh.

You need to get your children in a closer school.
When you go back to work you could be called out often as kids pick up everything when they start school.
we chose one we could walk to in 10 mins, made for a much easier life than a 40 mile round trip.