to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

@Sarahrellyboo1987 your point has no validity if it was her child she wouldn’t have them in a school 20 miles away would she!?!

At for weeks old my EBF child fed every hour until about 7 weeks there was no way I could have done this. Please explain how she is pushing her DSS away, she is just being practical, she needs to look after her newborn baby as well!!!

OP if you’re that exhausted (as most new mums are) stay off the roads!! You’re a danger to others if you’re not alert- it’s nit exactly ‘nipping to the shops for milk’ is it?

YANBU to say no to doing this and shouldn’t feel guilty or bad whatsoever - some people will say ‘but what if he was yours you should treat him exactly how you would your own child’ whilst ignoring the fact that were he yours he’d be at the school up the road and none of this would be an issue.

It is DP’s problem not yours - sounds bad but is totally fair - ALSO if DSS’s mother had upped sticks and moved him to a different city surely she has some responsibility in facilitating him seeing his dad! Let her drive him over- the CF!!

Read the thread and you will see that the mum moved!

OP fwiw I don’t feel like you’re being unreasonable at all. However at a compromise could you do drop off and DSS goes to after school club on that day and your DP picks him up after work??

I feel very sorry for DSS in all this. An orange and a glass of milk wouldn't satisfy my primary aged DS at 4.30pm.

Please explain how she is pushing her DSS away, she is just being practical, she needs to look after her newborn baby as well!!!

I can’t stand the whole you’re pushing your stepchild out argument. As though if they don’t come first in everything then people accuse you of pushing them out. There are times where common sense needs to be used and this is one of them. The op is a new mum and her stepchild’s school is 20 miles away. I cannot see how it even remotely reasonable to expect her to do the school run in these circumstances. I wish people would stop with the hysterical “you’re pushing him out” nonsense. His parents are the ones who should be sorting it.

OP there is no way I could have attempted that with a permanently attached DS. And I agree with PP that it's too long for that young a baby to be in a car seat. Or safe for you to be driving. Whether he is DSS or if he was a DS, either way a alternative temporary solution needs to be found. Personally I feel this should be by your DH or DSS mum.

Yeah I feel really sorry for DSS too, he ha two of the worlds shortest parents who don’t care that he is having his life risked once a week by having the only adult who gives a shit about his wellbeing, being forced to drive him whilst utterly exhausted and very likely to fall asleep at the wheel.

Both his biological parents are utter shits.

Thank god he has OP who gives a shit about him and cares enough to try and sort out alternative after school care for him whilst simultaneously caring for a newborn & putting her own health and well-being last.

Shittest not shortest (altho they might be)

How you doing OP?

Op I hope you have had some rest at your mum's. As a step mum myself I know how hard it is. I drive a 90 mile round trip every other weekend to get my step children, my son also has to make the trip with me and I pick up my DH on the way too. It's a shit situation. I really feel for you. I hope your DH has apologised

Sleeping - I have a successfully blended family and I wouldn't expect my dh to do what her partner is expecting her to do. Mind you it does help that I have a good relationship with my ex and we have open communication. No court orders, just mutual decision making and no-one moving away.

@AperolSprizting of course it has validity.
Because she wouldn’t shove her own child to the side. She wouldn’t feel it’s an option to not do it. Plenty of parents have several children and don’t have the option to use the excuse of being a first time tired mum.
My daughter goes to a school 15 miles away. Not a big deal or uncommon.

I'd just get the train for a 20 mile journey in future if it's taking up to an hour and twenty due to traffic on the road then you can feed the baby if need be.

Sorry only got a page into the thread but wanted to suggest before I get called back to DC - could DSS go back home to his mum's and then your DH pick him up from there once he's finished work?

Sorry if already been suggested.

My daughter goes to a school 15 miles away. Not a big deal or uncommon.

A school which you chose because you are her mum. The op did not because she is not her DSS’s mum, so why should that choice impact on her and her baby?

You husband needs to make arrangements, I don’t think you need the stress and your body needs to recover.

Because she wouldn’t shove her own child to the side. She wouldn’t feel it’s an option to not do it.

Actually as she is not a single parent most would expect the other parent to do their share while the mother is severely sleep deprived and unfit to drive. The child would go to an after school club if necessary.

@funinthesun18 no, I didn’t choose it. It’s he closest one that had space. No choice.

@WhiteCat1704 no, lots of peoples partners couldn’t do it. Doctors work 24/36 hour shifts, people in the forces don’t have a choice, people work shifts, people travel 1-2 hours for work etc.

Poor DSS is clearly going to be pushed out by the new baby.

@Growingboys your son has school lunch and a snack at 16.30 and he’s hungry.
Newborns need breastfeeding every 2 hours and she’s just returned home and newborn needs feeding whose needs come first?

Plenty of research into why newborns shouldn’t be in car seats for prolonged periods...show him that too!

Plus OP has drivenDSS home gives him a snack and she’s still criticised.

Poor DSS is clearly going to be pushed out by the new baby

Like I said, the parents need to sort it.
The baby and op haven’t done anything wrong.

@Sarahrellyboo1987
Stop projecting onto OP how is this helping a sleep deprived BF mother of a newborn.