to say no to school run?

[Nanaletti]

I'm 4 weeks PP. Usually do the school run once a week to pick up DSS, but my DD is currently quite demanding, I'm knackered, had zero sleep, she's attached to my boob 24/7 and the school run is 20 miles there and 20 miles back.

I'm really stressing about it but know that if I don't do it, DH will be stuck because he's at work.

I'm completely exhausted. WIBU to say no to doing it for the foreseeable future until DD is in a routine?

@Ghanagirl no not perfect I just thought a lot about what I was doing when I got with a partner with a child and think it's very important to make all the children feel equal.

Not so much that it puts all of them at risk in the car

It's not safe for you or your baby - don't do it. Say you're not doing it, refuse to do it and then tell DH that it's his responsibility. He will work it out.

I've had to take this approach occasionally in my family life, and it really does work. It's also much better for our marriage, tbh. Don't be the mum that everyone dumps their chores on. Everyone will be better off if you put some boundaries in place.

And...this will get easier, I promise. Congrats on your baby!

think it's very important to make all the children feel equal
Equally at risk of being involved in a serous car accident with an exhausted parent??

Well I think it is outrageous, it is a case again of a man using his partner to parent his children while he goes off to work with no consequence.

I have a 6 year old and would not be happy to know my ex was leaving childcare up to his girlfriend. It is HIS responsibility.

Glad your getting away for a bit OP.

I think you’re being unreasonable. It. appears you’re pushing your DSS away.

@sleepingstandingup I wonder if you’d share the same sentiment if it was her biological child? She’d have no choice then.

But if it was her child, she'd have a say in where it went to school and it would be somewhere local to the OP. It's nothing to do with the DSS, the OPs circumstances have changed and for now it is inconvenient for her to do the school run, yet neither of the biological parents seem prepared to compromise and help her. How is that fair???

Doh!

If this was her biological child he wouldn't be at school so far way. As OP has said several times. Do read the thread before making yourself look daft.

Of course you should do it. What would you do if he was your son and not you step son.
You married your husband knowing he had a child.

@Greggers2017
But they’re not equal at present the newborn is more vulnerable if the 7 year old was OPs child she wouldn’t be getting such a hard time.
I’m not sure why you feel to kick a clearly very hormonal and tired first time mother of a newborn by pointless virtue signalling.

This is ridiculous. A four week old baby cant be doing that. Ridiculous.

It sounds like your dh’s day so HE should be the one making after school club materialise on that day. He can pick the child up agter he finishes work.

You should not be changing your worling pattern for this when your dh will do nothing himself.

You are absolutely right to say the arrangements are no longer working and dh will have to find an alternative to you and his 75 year old father fgs from now.

When I had my 3rd dc I was in the middle of a major house refurbishment 1hr and 40mins away from my home ( if the m25 was not too jammed that is). I had two other under 4 year olds and I was doing most of the work myself ( with help from my mum and sister). I was going down to the house 3 days a week on my own with the kids and a day at the weekend with my husband. It was knackering but it was okay with good planning.
Unless you are on the motorway the whole way, if the baby is fussing too much you can pull over and see to it. If the older child is a bit late for school, they will completely understand. If that’s not good r ough for your DH or the child’s mum then you’ve done your best and they can take over.
It’s doable if you want to do it.

I also think you've made a mistake saying you'll start again iafter Christmas.

Just say no. He hasn't even apologised to you has be?

Don’t know if this has already been suggested but have you thought about asking the school to see if any of the teachers live over your way and could maybe bring him home once a week just for a few weeks? I know there would be ‘safe guarding ‘ issues around this but it’s worth an ask.

I have a family friend who “sucked it up” and did the thing that would avoid a load of inconvenience to his family.

“The worst” happened. Well - technically it wasn’t the worst as it was a stranger who was affected rather than him or his family.

He has just been sentenced to two years in prison for it.

He attempted suicide not long after the incident. He has to live with knowing what he has done. That people’s lives are ruined (that phrase was used at his sentencing). His family are likely to lose their home due to the loss of his income. He’s lost his profession (he was the main earner) so his family will struggle forever now. He has caught norovirus in prison more than once and now weighs 3 stone less than he did when it happened. His parents are terrified he will attempt suicide again. His marriage is unlikely to survive. His children are doing terrible.

It’s all been a bit fucking inconvenient really.

@sleepingstandingup I wonder if you’d share the same sentiment if it was her biological child? She’d have no choice then

Yes. I'm the unlikely situation where she lived 20 miles from her child's school and had to do the run with a 4 week old and was exhausted I'd still expect the Dad to do it instead. Why wouldn't you expect the father to step up in either scenario??

Your DH has been a massive cock. Do not take it lying down. You’ve done nothing wrong. And yes, it’s not great to have had to tell DSS off, but it’s bloody understandable. But I agree that that length of time for a baby so small is not really suitable right now. Enjoy some sleep at your Mum’s x

It’s doable if you want to do it
That assumes that falling asleep at the wheel happens be a use you didn't want to stay awake enough. If she's that tired she risks falling asleep and ruining whole families lives. If she pulls over and falls asleep feeding baby she could end up being late and leaving a little boy stranded with an uncontactable father.

I agree with you OP. It's up to the boy's parents to sort this out. Hope you are getting some rest,

Didn't the mother break the arrangement by moving 20 miles away? Your dh and his ex absolutely need to sort their shit out.

masterandmargarita that doesn't matter. Op is a STEPMUM. She should treat the children absolutely the same and make any sacrifice necessary for her step child whilst not expecting to play any role in parenting the child at all and all whilst feeling guilty for being so awful as to give step child a new sibling. MN logic at least!!

@sleeping.

I wonder if you’d share the same sentiment if it was her biological child? She’d have no choice then.

Her biological child wouldn’t be at a school that is 20 miles away.

A newborn shouldn’t be in a car seat for long periods of time, and the op is exhausted too so long car journeys could be dangerous.
Do these points not matter if stepchildren are involved? Why should she put her baby at risk? Her DSS has two parents who can sort it out between them.

I’m sure if her DSS’s school was 10 minutes down the road then she would be more up for picking him up from school.

Why are in a school soo far away??