Forgotten birthday drama - what the hell

[Isshebeingserious]

NC because it’s outing (shared this with a few friends who are on here and I don’t want them knowing my username!)

A friend of mine has her birthday on the 11th November. For as long as we have been friends (circa 10 years), I have always forgotten the birthday. If I’m examining why, it is most likely because of the significance of the day itself re ww1, as I generally do remember other people’s birthdays.

Anyway, every year I get a bollocking from said friend about missing it, and every year I apologise. This year she has completely lost it with me, and doesn’t understand that with a 4 month old baby and my grandmother in law dying last week, I have even more stuff on my mind than usual. I feel like she doesn’t remind me before the day but waits to see if i forget so she can use it as a stick to beat me with. I apologised to her, she accepted and then 3 hours later I received a huge message saying I should set a reminder on my phone, she doesn’t accept my excuses etc etc. At this point I had been trying for 2.5 hours to get DS to sleep and was crying from exhaustion and told her to grow up and fuck off basically.

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable - am I? I feel bad about missing it but being repeatedly told off has made me see red.

I agree there is a laziness behind all of this that is uncaring and arrogant and I do feel badly about now it’s been pointed out to me

I disagree with this. I don't think you should feel like that. I think you've just been bashed by this thread.

Your friends just pulled an emotionally manipulative power play on you and you've fallen back into line. Bleugh.

Excuses excuses. You don't want a sombre day to be associated with a birthday. Really? She didn't choose to be born on this date and her birthday is obviously important to her. You are a really crap friend. This year? Yes understandable. But for the last 10 years? This is the straw that broke the camel's back for her and you owe her an apology for your rude horrible reply to her. Stop being so arrogant and start being a friend. Would a card really hurt you?

Whether most adults are bothered about their birthdays isn't the point. Your friend is bothered, and she's your friend. By not bothering to remember even after she's reminded you for a decade, you are really showing her how little you care about her feelings.
Besides, if your memory is so bad that you can't remember something when you've been repeatedly reminded, in spite of it coinciding with another memorable date (I can't see how the 'seriousness' of WW1 can actually make you forget to associate your friend's birthday with it - thst sounds like a lame excuse!), maybe you need to start using a diary in general!

Do people not bother to RFTF?

I agree there is a laziness behind all of this that is uncaring and arrogant and I do feel badly about now it’s been pointed out to me

Good for you. Take control lady!

In all seriousness, my DH used to say ‘it’s not my fault, I forgot’ or whatever and it would boil my piss. We devised ways in which he could make sure he couldn’t forget and it’s been fine since.

Yes I have read the whole thread. My post still stands. 10 years of forgetting when you know it matters to her is not a nice way to behave. Be a friend and acknowledge her birthday like she does for you.

People of MN, thank you! I asked if I was BU and you said I was, and as a result of my genuine and understanding apology (having seen my unreasonableness a bit more), I have received a wonderful message from my friend and we have resolved the situation. Which won’t happen again!

You say you don't want to hurt her feelings - so rather than hurting her every year, why don't you just tell her you have no intention of ever remembering her birthday because it isn;t important enough to you. Other friends birthday are, hers is not. That's the bare truth of it, because you've had every chance (she even has a birthday on a memorable date - not buying the 'it's a sad day' excuse at all) and every year you forget. You don't want to try to remember so you don't.

Fine - that's how you feel, but don't keep lying, tell her where she stands and she won;t keep hoping year after year that you'll make and effort for her, like she does for you. The unsavoury truth will at least give her a chance to stop bothering with your birthday.

Sorry if I sound harsh - but IME people who accidentally on purpose forget birthdays and then get a big drama where they are the centre of attention for forgetting it are being manipulative and game playing. Unconsciously or otherwise. Tell her you don't want to do birthdays any more.

I feel bad joining in a bit of a pile on - and I'm sure you aren't a nasty person - but youve touched abit of a nerve with me - this isn;t nice behaviour, and you have the choice to change it, or stop the exchange of gifts if you can't stop forgetting.

Yay . Well done OP.

You do know that you can get phone diaries that are formatted like lists, don't you? For example, Google Calender has a schedule view, which is simply a list, just as you describe.

OK - I am late to the party as usual - good for you, glad all is sorted. Make sure you remember next year

I’m glad you've sorted things out with your friend OP.

Also puppymonkey the wily thread is now real

lougle

I just don’t like how it looks 🙈🙈🙈

Great film though

Bloody hell can’t you just write it on a calendar, the fact that her birthday is on a significant date should help you remember, especially after 10 years! I would be annoyed too!

I can't understand why grown adults make such a fuss about their own birthdays.

I couldn't care less if any of my friends forgot mine and would be bemused if any of them had a tantrum at me for not remembering theirs.

Go for overkill next year, a well as setting up Moonpig, why not also do a Jacquie Lawson animated card too?

www.jacquielawson.com

You remember everyone else's but not hers. That's the problem. My close family member has their birthday on the 11th November. I never forget because it's such an important date it's easy to remember it.

It's very rude and unkind and mean to never remember her, but remember everyone else's.

What does she want from you?

You're a bit of a shit friend tbh OP. And lazy.

I wouldn’t be your friend after 10 years of you forgetting her birthday (which she has let you know hurts her feelings, consistently) you refuse to do anything about it because “I don’t want to”. Your a crap friend.

Forgetting 10 years in a row is pretty impressive!!

orry if I sound harsh - but IME people who accidentally on purpose forget birthdays and then get a big drama where they are the centre of attention for forgetting it are being manipulative and game playing. Unconsciously or otherwise.

Op doesn't want the drama. Your reasoning is utter nonsense. Game playing?!?! 😂😂😂😂

This sounds like reverse.

Surely nobody would willingly admit to being as obtuse as this?

It's one small thing that's clearly important to your friend. You're a shit friend if you can't even be arsed to remember it, by any reminder system you need.

Well some people can't be fucked and you're one of them. At least you own it 😂 you actively refuse to acknowledge her birthday because it falls on a somber date in the calendar. Each to their own