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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to take my children to a family party

54 replies

putitdown · 20/06/2007 10:23

A get together for my 94 year old Granny 200 miles away. Will be going and staying for the weekend don't expect DH to go but do want to take a 2 and 4 year old with me. He says you are not taking my children ... All her other geat grandkids will be there

OP posts:

maisym · 20/06/2007 10:30

why isn't your dh going?

mumeeee · 20/06/2007 10:31

Whenever we have a big family party everyone always takes their children. So no you are not being unreasonable.

elesbells · 20/06/2007 10:32

is there bad blood with your family and dh then?

bozza · 20/06/2007 10:34

Is that it then? End of discussion? Or did he have reasons?

I have a 94yo Grandad and since he turned 90 he has invited us all out for Sunday luch for his birthday every year. I think he would be quite hurt if I turned up without the children. And if DH suggested such a thing he would be given short shrift.

RosaLuxembourg · 20/06/2007 10:34

Why doesn't he want you to take your children? On the face of it, he is being most unreasonable by depriving your children of a chance to see their great grandmother on her birthday. Not many children are lucky enough to have a great-grandmother after all.

Original poster

putitdown · 20/06/2007 11:28

He says they will get tired. Yes they will get excited and tired but it is in July nearly the end of term for DD. He is a control freak thinks we should see family on a rotational basis i.e saw my family in May so now his families turn. I don't want him to come as he will spoil it for me as I will be on edge waiting for him to be rude. He doesn't want to come either

OP posts:

mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:34

Bit of a dilemma. whilst you don't need the hassle of "parental conflict" I think you need to find a way of explainig how important it is to you to go.

Frankly it's not his concern if the kids get tired if he isn't going to be there so is there more to this than messing up a rotational timetable...does he feel uncomfortable around your family so want to keep you on his 'side'?

Original poster

putitdown · 20/06/2007 11:38

I don't know I think he is just a very difficult selfish spoilt individual. We went to dd school play yesterday. DH couldn't come so I took DS and recorded it. He spent the whole 15 minutes of the video laughing at my videoing in a basty way till DD said Daddy stop being horrible

OP posts:

elesbells · 20/06/2007 11:41

i would just take them...when i go to see my grandparents (they live in wales and are in their eighties) i always think it could be the last time they see them, so i always take the kids! its important.

pageturner · 20/06/2007 11:41

He sounds horrid, PID, sorry.

I think you should go to the party and take YOUR children, and NOT him, though i think that goes without saying. Tell him firmly and politely.

mamabear2b · 20/06/2007 11:54

Sounds like you have a bit of a hard time with him so I would say you deserve to go, enjoy yourself and deal with the sulking, whinging etc in the same way as if one of your children was doing it...ignore it!!

Original poster

putitdown · 20/06/2007 12:13

Thankyou for the posts He keeps saying you are not being fair

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 20/06/2007 12:15

Now if you were insisting that he went too I would have some sympathy with him. My DH has limited patience with my family so more often that not I take the kids without him. But in your circumstances I'm afraid he is being utterly unreasonable.

NotQuiteCockney · 20/06/2007 12:17

He sounds like a bully, to be honest.

themildmanneredjanitor · 20/06/2007 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 20/06/2007 12:20

Fair to who fgs ? Great granny is a good old age and why shouldnlt your kids spend some time with tehr and their cousins etc. Presumably they don't see her a lot and they'll sleep in the car more than likely. Sorry your dh sounds er, odd, about it and perhaps a little jealous of your relationship with your kids and family.

gess · 20/06/2007 12:23

why are you with this man?

Aitch · 20/06/2007 12:25

he really doesn't sound terribly nice...

Original poster

putitdown · 20/06/2007 12:33

I know I keep asking myself why i am with him

OP posts:

pavlovthecat · 20/06/2007 12:35

of course your children will get tired, but tired happy is wonderful, and they will have memories of seeing granny more than of being tired!
I took DD to USA to see her granny - she was 6 months old, and she was very tired!

Vev · 20/06/2007 12:36

You should be able to take your children wherever you want - especially to a family do. Don't like the sound of your man - control freak springs to mind. Hope you manage to get away on your own with the children and enjoy yourself.

AngryMob · 20/06/2007 12:38

If he is so concerned about the children getting tired, surely he would go with you to the party - that would enable him to put the children to bed if they need to go to sleep, whilst you continue having fun with your family.
I don't see why you need his permission to go, tbh.
If he doesn't want to, then fine.
But he can't always have his own way.

gess · 20/06/2007 12:39

He does sound very controlling, which I suspect is a sign of many deeper problems. Does he realise how abnormal his behaviour is? That seeing family on rotation is frankly bizarre (the 'they'll get too tired, too over excited' is obviuously an excuse). Someone in my family is married to a very controlling man, who rarely allows her to go to family events. I haven't seen her children for 5 years (we live close by), he has very effectively totally isolated her from her family. I see her life and think its very sad tbh.

Has he always been like this? You must have seen something in him at some stage.

Original poster

putitdown · 20/06/2007 12:39

I have decided I am going may have to live with the after effects

OP posts:

Original poster

putitdown · 20/06/2007 12:41

Gess he wasn't like this till we got married now it is all I will cut your money if you don't.. He works I am aSAHM

OP posts:

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