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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or am.i being a dick

150 replies

inmyshoos · 14/11/2018 15:51

Met someone recently, had a couple of dates, completely blown away by him as really wasn't expecting or looking for anything wow.
He has said some really really beautiful things, so far we have both been really honest and upfront but a lot of our chat is banter. Something I absolutely adore is how funny he is

So we both have very limited free time die to other things, yesterday he told me he has Monday off and is that Monday off, let's arrange a date.

Lots of chat back and forward today and then this jokey message but the main point was our date is looking to let because the weather is looking ideal for his hobby.

I'm probably already over invested but it upset me. Felt like he'd had a better offer and because none of pur pre pious jokes are at my expense I assumed sincere.
He has since sent a message suggesting he was clearly joking but I just don't find that funny at all. All it does is give me doubt where previously I had none.

AIBU? Is it funny and I'm being a dick? My exh was a selfish b and I was never a priority in his life so I am open to the idea that I'm over sensitive and tbh i like this guy and dont want to ruin it.

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 15/11/2018 21:02

Is it dogging 🐶

Fucking love this.

Yes, I would run a mile from your reaction. Especially with the self-righteous bit that came with it, yikes!

ReanimatedSGB · 15/11/2018 21:14

Actually, it is important to remind women that dick is abundant and low value, because of the way expectations around heteroseuxality usually run. Women are still expected to be desperate for male attention, to change their appearance and stifle their personalities to please men and appeal to men, because the worst possible fate for a woman is to be found undesirable by men and remain SINGLE.

When women are constantly being told that Having A Man is incredibly important and incredibly difficult to do, they become more willing to put up with useless men, rude men, lazy men, mean men and abusive men because they feel they have to Have A Man.
The truth is that dick is abundant and low value. If a man's not good enough, bin and move on. There are plenty more out there.

Surfskatefamily · 15/11/2018 21:22

Kinda depends for example i surf and it could be amazing for 1 day and shocking for weeks. Id reschedule unless it was something overly special or expensive

Original poster
inmyshoos · 16/11/2018 14:18

Ok i was a dick. I apologised and we are all good. In my defence his chat had been pretty intense and we had talked in detail about what we might do. But i get it. And it is very early days. Ive apologised and we are good.

Yeah he is a surfer dogger

Thanks for the kick in the arse i needed folks

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 16/11/2018 14:25

Surfing is so weather dependant to be fair. If you’ve taken annual leave especially that’s crap but if not never mind. Good reminder to make sure you also prioritise things you enjoy ahead of him.

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2018 14:28

Actually, it is important to remind women that dick is abundant and low value, because of the way expectations around heteroseuxality usually run.

As long as you're good with men on alternate website saying it's important to remind men that pussy is abundant and low value. Becayse I'm not.

And she wants a relationship with this man. Why the crudity that she sees him as nothing more than some cheap disposable cock?

You may be under the impression it makes you sound like the cool girl.

Let me assure you it doesn't.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 16/11/2018 14:33

I definitely dont see him as a bit of cock Hmm
I want a relationship with him based on mutual respect which is why i apologised and gave myself a good talking to.
Its early days. What will be will be. He likes his life. He is busy and motivated. So am i. We have such a laugh together so i hope that continues.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/11/2018 14:35

I definitely dont see him as a bit of cock

I think that's abundantly clear op, sadly some women felt it appropriate to reduce him to just his genitalia and nothing more than available sex for you. Sigh.

Good luck. Hope it works out.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 16/11/2018 14:38

Thanks blunt hopefully all the cock talk was said in jest and people dont really think like that.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/11/2018 16:21

Actually, it is important to remind women that dick is abundant and low value, because of the way expectations around heteroseuxality usually run.

No, it really isn't.

I sincerely hope my sons never run into someone with your revolting attitude.

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2018 16:39

No, it really isn't

Exactly. What's important is to treat each other with respect, and to expect to be treated with respect. Male or female.

pictish · 16/11/2018 19:24

Good for you. Interests and perspective are a good sign. It shows that he is enthusiastic about life and isn’t about to love bomb you with bullshit.

desertmum · 16/11/2018 19:55

I have always told my kids that if they make arrangements to do something with someone they stick to those arrangements even if a better offer comes up so i get where you are coming from OP.

Not sure I would dump him but I would sit back a bit and see how he treats me in future. It is a bit rude to make arrangements and then cancel due to something else better being available.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/11/2018 01:39

Gosh, the idea that women can reject and laugh at unsatisfactory men really scares some people, doesn't it?

toddlepod · 17/11/2018 05:48

Is the hobby naked line dancing?

toddlepod · 17/11/2018 05:50

Ah..... all was revealed.... ignore my guess

CaliHummers · 17/11/2018 06:53

the idea that women can reject and laugh at unsatisfactory men really scares some people, doesn't it?

Not really, no. I do it often enough. it's reducing all men to a body part and then devaluing them on that basis that comes across as odd. I think rather than get into "dick is abundant and of low value", why not concentrate instead on all the amazing things that women are and can do without a man in their lives. Then, when you value yourself more, you start to feel much more confident about turning down those men who are losers, without having to dismiss an entire sex as cock.

theonetowalkinthesun · 17/11/2018 07:33

Well done OP. Good luck with your relationship!

RebeccaCloud9 · 17/11/2018 07:48

Thank you for telling us the hobby Grin

Monty27 · 17/11/2018 07:59

Good lord he's dumped your third.date.
I would dump him straight away!

ReanimatedSGB · 17/11/2018 10:05

Oh waa waaa fucking waa. A snappy, witty line that was born out of time spent on Tinder (where it's mostly the men who reduce themselves to their genitals anyway - lots seem to genuinely believe that sending a photograph of their bits is a perfectly satisfactory way to introduce themselves) suddenly becomes - oh boohoo - disrespectful to men. It rattles people because women are still supposed to respect men (as in consider them of higher status than women).

CaliHummers · 17/11/2018 10:08

Oh waa waaa fucking waa

Yes, that's a great way to convince people of your argument.

pouraglasshalffull · 17/11/2018 10:12

Did you mention this to him? That you don't find his joke funny at all? Maybe he took your message as a red flag and decided to change his plans to do his hobby...

Jux · 17/11/2018 11:47

RTFT

ginpink · 17/11/2018 19:07

Have you scheduled a new date for a replacement third date? X

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