Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU or am.i being a dick

150 replies

inmyshoos · 14/11/2018 15:51

Met someone recently, had a couple of dates, completely blown away by him as really wasn't expecting or looking for anything wow.
He has said some really really beautiful things, so far we have both been really honest and upfront but a lot of our chat is banter. Something I absolutely adore is how funny he is

So we both have very limited free time die to other things, yesterday he told me he has Monday off and is that Monday off, let's arrange a date.

Lots of chat back and forward today and then this jokey message but the main point was our date is looking to let because the weather is looking ideal for his hobby.

I'm probably already over invested but it upset me. Felt like he'd had a better offer and because none of pur pre pious jokes are at my expense I assumed sincere.
He has since sent a message suggesting he was clearly joking but I just don't find that funny at all. All it does is give me doubt where previously I had none.

AIBU? Is it funny and I'm being a dick? My exh was a selfish b and I was never a priority in his life so I am open to the idea that I'm over sensitive and tbh i like this guy and dont want to ruin it.

OP posts:

ShalomJackie · 14/11/2018 16:37

Is his hobby weather dependent and thus likely the last chance to participate as winter sets in. If so perhaps he thought you were a more carefree person due to the banter and it wouldn't be a problem. Is it one of those non-disclosable MN hobbies that is noone is allowed to know?

fanfan18 · 14/11/2018 16:37

I think in the first instance he was defo joking and because you haven't taken it as a joke he's like "can't be bothered with someone who can't take a joke" so now he is actually going to blow you out.

TBH, if i joked with someone like that and they said it wasn't funny and got annoyed about it, I would probably do the same as him....

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2018 16:39

If it's what I posted I thought it was, and someone I hardly knew and had just met a couple of times threw their toys out the Pram becayse I wanted to reschedule, for whatever reason,I'd think if dodged a bullet.

Berniethefastestmilkwoman · 14/11/2018 16:42

If he isn't going to make time for you there is no point. Don't try and convince him otherwise. Just let him get on with it and find someone who thinks spending time with you is the best option.

olympicsrock · 14/11/2018 16:43

I think you should chill out. It’s not a deal breaker...

Yesitwasmethistime · 14/11/2018 16:43

It all depends on the hobby (love how people never say these days what the actual hobby is so that you can judge) but if it is one where getting the right weather is difficult, i.e. surfing/flying etc rather than something like football, then I think you're being needy and over sensitive.

If you reacted to me like you have to him, I would be really put off.

PatriciaHolm · 14/11/2018 16:45

Er - you've been on a couple of dates, that's all. Chill out.

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2018 16:46

If he isn't going to make time for you there is no point

Huh? She's only met him a couple of times. Most people would just reschedule for a time that suits them both.

CoperCabana · 14/11/2018 16:46

Unless you specifically took the day off to spend it with him, I think you are overreacting. My now husband definitely did this to me when we had just met. His hobby was and is important to him. I used to get the hump (still do sometimes) but I don’t think it’s a dumpable offence after 2 dates?

tillytoodles1 · 14/11/2018 16:46

It all sounds a bit intense. So he'll be away doing his hobby and the weather looks good so he's staying over and cancelling your date. Not a big deal, it's not like it's your birthday or anything.

tiggerkid · 14/11/2018 16:47

If the weather being ideal for his hobby stands in the way of using the opportunity to have a date with you, then get out as soon as you can. He is obviously not as much into it as you are. Sorry.

Ohyesiam · 14/11/2018 16:47

I’d be ok with this if it was” do you mind if we change our plans” it’s all in the delivery for me.
Sorry you’re disappointed op

tiggerkid · 14/11/2018 16:49

Correction: I've just noticed the comments about you being on just 2 dates.... I definitely agree with the folks, who say you should chill a bit. Both figuratively and literally. Use the good weather to do your own thing instead and tell him exactly that.

BruegeITheElder · 14/11/2018 16:49

I’d be ok with this if it was” do you mind if we change our plans” it’s all in the delivery for me.

Same. I'm guessing he just misread the situation when he made that joke, then when OP got upset, he got defensive, and it escalated and both of them end up thinking 'well this isn't worth it so early in things".

nikkylou · 14/11/2018 16:51

I dont really understand your orginal post and what exactly was said. Especially as you both seem to have quite a jokey way of conversing.

Had you actually planned a date, or was it's just a lets see each other thing?

If his hobby is weather dependant does he get to do it very often? So the opportunity to extend his trip is there, and he's decided to take it rather than spend the day potentially doing not a lot with you.

Can you not do something in the evening?

He sounds like he floated the idea of sacking you off in a jokey way, and you didn't answer in the way he was expecting, I.e. telling him he was welcome to do his hobby etc. Therefore making it seem like you called off the date.

When you say he was then clearly joking, I don't know he's said to give you that impression. Maybe he was trying to backtrack organise something with you.

Then from not sure if it's a joke, then clearly a joke it goes to a definite not a joke? As p.posters have said your reaction has probably made him think he can't be asked. Nothing screams fun like a forced date, when you know he'd like to be at his hobby...

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2018 16:51

If the weather being ideal for his hobby stands in the way of using the opportunity to have a date with you, then get out as soon as you can

Gosh, is that what you do? Prioritise your life round blokes you've only met twice?

catinboots9 · 14/11/2018 16:54

What's the hobby?

grumiosmum · 14/11/2018 16:55

Is it skydiving?

Treacletoots · 14/11/2018 16:56

You are not a priority to him and he thinks nothing of messing you about. He's shown you who he is almost right away.

It's common courtesy to see through agreed arrangements and just inconsiderate to dump you if he gets a better offer. Tell him to go and stick his head firmly up his arse.

bringbackthestripes · 14/11/2018 16:56

If he had just said “somethings come up” and cancelled would that have been better? Is it not ok for him to want to do his hobby whilst he has the opportunity of good weather and then see you another day? Especially as it’s quite a distance away
Or is it the way he’s said it that’s the problem?

I don’t see how cancelling is hurtful tbh. But not knowing what exactly the message said I can only assume it’s that that has upset you.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 14/11/2018 16:57

Is his hobby golf? Both me and dh play and it can be a drop everything it’s finally not raining type of hobby at this time of year.
I would be going to golf in this instance that meeting someone I have known for a few weeks.

InkyGrail · 14/11/2018 17:00

If I'd only been on a couple of dates with someone and they were shitty about me choosing to do a hobby I enjoyed rather than go on a date with them I'd be pissed off and feel it was a red flag.

I don't think that a couple of dates = the other person is then always prioritised. If I were him I'd be thinking 'wow is she going to be like this every time I decide to do something with my free time other than see her?'

Relationships are supposed to add to your life, not become the central priority in it after two dates.

MabelFurball · 14/11/2018 17:00

The hobby is windsurfing - amirite ?

dontalltalkatonce · 14/11/2018 17:01

What are these fucking hobbies? Just say it. Unless it's driving pigs to look for truffles it's likely something banal.

gothefcktosleep · 14/11/2018 17:03

If it’s upset you that much tell him you hope it rains.

But I don’t think it’s that big a deal, especially if it’s early days and his hobby is that weather dependent, although I would probably consider it an opportunity to mess him about on a future date. (Because i’m petty and hold grudges)

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6