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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just ‘taken a day’ today?

302 replies

BasinHaircut · 13/11/2018 16:35

I called in sick today. Not because I actually feel ill, but for reasons I can’t explain just felt like I needed a day off from life.

I have done some work so as not to have to play catch up tomorrow with emails and the like, but otherwise I’ve essentially pulled a sickie (and I feel guilty about it).

I have a husband and a 5yo son and so taking a ‘day off’ at the weekend isn’t an option IYSWIM. And I feel like there is so much to do day to day that sometimes it’s overwhelming.

Now I think about it I could have taken a day’s annual leave but this morning when I just didn’t want to engage in life I didn’t think of that, I thought a sick day was my only option.

Do I sound like I’m going bananas?

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 13/11/2018 22:12

that is what annual leave, TOIL and unpaid leave are for

Some people don't have those options.

Dorsetdays · 13/11/2018 22:14

Minty. Who doesn’t have the option of annual leave? That would be iegal obviously. Hmm

policeandthieves · 13/11/2018 22:14

dorisdog I am well aware there are studies showing particular interventions are helpful in stopping mental health problems from escalating - just not so sure there is a randomised controlled trial looking at taking ad hoc days off work because you can't be arsed and your DH isn't much help at the weekends

Dorsetdays · 13/11/2018 22:15

*illegal

Susiesoop · 13/11/2018 22:20

Yes dorisdog I agree with your points, I have experience in mental health too. Policeandthieves/Dorsetday...sorry but I think.you need to widen your understanding of mental health and keeping mentally well, the days of "pull your socks up' are thankfully behind us and they didn't really work anyway - mental health issues on the rise etc. In my job it's about getting the job done, not that if I'm not there someone else will have to do it, I would have to get off sick for a while before that happened but I'm relatively senior. I appreciate that's not the same in all jobs. Nb In most jobs last minute annual leave is a no no so that's a barrier really.

Dorsetdays · 13/11/2018 22:24

Susie. I’ve never said those wirh MH issues should pull their socks up so please don’t misquote me.

If you need a day for ‘preventative’ measures whether that’s to try and stave off a cold or a deterioration in stress or MH it’s still not a sick day. You take leave to recharge your batteries.

Last minute leave is widely available in pretty much all jobs. How do you think people work with DC’s who very inconveniently don’t tell us in advance when they’re going to be unwell?!

Nacreous · 13/11/2018 22:25

I wonder whether the OP hasn't changed exolained (in the first post) just how "unwell" she felt.

I've had times before where sure I didn't have flu, or an official diagnosis of mental illness, but I was in the verge of panic at work all the time, and I used to have to run away from my computer and hide in another room so I couldn't see it. I took time off sick, just a couple of days. It let me get my shit together enough to get through the 7 months to the end of my contact in combination with annual leave. It was at a time of year when all levels is embargoed and in an industry where all leave is booked a year in advance. A broken down car or boiler doesn't stop you working, the expectation then is that you work from home. I didn't say i was off sick because I was trying not to go mad because that doesn't inspire confidence and the many prejudiced comments I've heard about people at work with mental health problems makes it clear that its better for my future progression and annual review if I'm just unwell.

ilovesooty · 13/11/2018 22:28

dorisdog I wasn't being sarcastic. I have taken the odd day off over the years when I felt too unwell mentally to go into work. I was quite open about it. I didn't just call in and vaguely claim to be unwell. Those days were also logged as disability related absence.

I've already stated that my company and my own manager are proactive in encouraging us to manage annual leave and TOIL and to look after our wellbeing.

Tistheseason17 · 13/11/2018 22:28

MH professional support is lacking in investment - most GPs will refer you to a wellbeing support service and if you want 121 there will be a wait.

It is important that we all look at mindfulness and take regular exercise and talk to each other as well as eating well.

These are the preventative and resilience building methods to do all the time. There is also a new NHS site - think it's called healthy mind? Google it, loads of supportive resources

jelliebelly · 13/11/2018 22:30

YANBU - your mental health is as important as your physical health

SuperstarDJ · 13/11/2018 22:31

Last minute leave is widely available in pretty much all jobs. How do you think people work with DC’s who very inconveniently don’t tell us in advance when they’re going to be unwell?!

Parental leave and emergency leave is an entirely different scenario.

Susiesoop · 13/11/2018 22:33

Dorsetdays was referring to Policeandthieves reference to 'battle axe and get on with it' type stuff.

I can see that many people would struggle stigma wise to state having a day off for mental reasons vs a child being poorly.

Let's agree to differ.

iamthere123 · 13/11/2018 22:34

What if you don’t get annual leave? My job has set holidays. There have been days when I really needed a day to myself as my panic over the stress at work was becoming overwhelming. I didn’t take them and ended up with 2 months off with stress. Wish I’d taken the days, wish I could’ve explained to my employer but instead of the odd day that would have already been planned an resourced they lost me for two months and had to find someone else to do all my work!

MrsJBaptiste · 13/11/2018 22:35

I felt guilty earlier because I didn’t feel like I should be taking a day off when I wasn’t physically ill

And so you should. Mental Health Days, FFS 😬

policeandthieves · 13/11/2018 22:36

Susiesoop what a patronising response ....sorry

The fact that mental health issues are on the rise across the board is unlikely to be solved by a random day off work.

It is a complex issue and it maybe the OP would benefit from addressing the actual reasons as to why she needs the time off on her own.

MarcieBluebell · 13/11/2018 22:37

Ynbu. Don't feel guilty. You needed it.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/11/2018 22:37

So you still haven't told us who had to do your work today @BasinHaircut

Susiesoop · 13/11/2018 22:38

Sorry you feel that way Policeandthieves but I'm just finding you determined to argue without really stating anything new.

I understand this area well and I've covered what I wanted to say in my comments above.

SuperstarDJ · 13/11/2018 22:39

Mental Health Days, FFS

Really?? Sickness absence costs UK industry millions, mental health is the highest cause of long term sickness absence. Surely anything that helps as early intervention/a preventive measure is a good thing?

The amount of ignorance regarding mental health and mental health in the workplace on this thread is astounding.

angelikacpickles · 13/11/2018 22:39

YABU. You weren't sick. This is what annual leave is for.

Smallhorse · 13/11/2018 22:40

I feel that way most days when I wake up. I am not joking. But I still go to work . I’m paid to do a job and others depend on me.
Some of these responses show a lack of understanding of real mental health problems

Sakura7 · 13/11/2018 22:43

It's hardly the end of the world if a person takes a day occasionally when they feel they really need it. Being worn out and exhausted is not the same as being lazy and skiving. There are some real holier than thou attitudes on this thread.

I'm willing to bet that OP will be much more productive for the rest of the week than she would have been if she'd kept trying to push through. We're humans, not robots.

I personally believe that working hours are too long and we don't get enough annual leave. I'm not saying that because I'm lazy, there's tons of academic research showing that a better work life balance improves productivity. Unfortunately most workplaces are behind the curve on this, but I think attitudes are gradually changing.

MintyCedric · 13/11/2018 22:44

Dorset I work full time, term time only so I get my annual leave in the school holidays and am not allowed to take any time off whatsoever during term time without applying at least a week in advance to the head teacher.

My role (and most of the other admin ones at my school afaik) do not accrue TOIL.

Even if unpaid leave were an option financially we simply do not have the cover available for people to just decide they want a day's unpaid leave.

Juneewunee · 13/11/2018 22:47

I’m a teacher and I see my sick leave as part of my salary package. I do what op has done if I just cannot face going in to teach 30 teenagers when I’m not up to it.

itsbetterthanabox · 13/11/2018 22:52

I don't get why you can't do this at the weekend
You said you have a husband and child so surely just have a day to yourself where husband cares for child?