CF tightarsedness

[BorisAndDoris]

Inspired by another thread, I'd love to hear your experiences of CFers being tight arses, never putting their greedy paws in their own pockets.

Mine was an ex when I was a youngster. Maybe 16? 17? I was financially independent (okay, skint on min wage but paid my way) and rented my own place.
CFBF and I were in the early stages of dating (maybe 1 or 2 months in).
I was running errands one day and needed to pick a few things up from the supermarket. He tagged along.

I went round the supermarket and he kept chucking items into the trolley. Fine with me, no point in 2 trolleys.
He put his stuff on the conveyor (sans divider!) whilst I was packing mine. I didn't notice until he said he needed to pop to the loo. He left me to pay for everything.! I was mortified and hadn't grown the lady balls yet to stand up for myself well. I paid and asked him for the money when he got back. He told me he forgot his wallet and would give it to me when he came next time. He didn't.

In fact the next time he showed up I was leaving for the cinema with my best friend. We told CFBF we already had plans. My Best friend was paying because it was his turn and I was skint (thanks to CFBF's shopping which he forgot to bring his money for again!)
I locked up the house and we all walked to the bus together. CFBF got on too as it was also his bus.

We got off in town. CFBF got off with us. Okaaaay...
We got to the cinema. CFBF still with us.
I asked if he was heading home and he said no, I'll come with you! Hmm.. whatever, I couldn't really stop him.

He walked in just ahead of us. The desk clerk had the tickets printed when we got there and best friend paid. It wasn't until we were at the concessions counter he realised he'd paid for three, not two. CFBF has asked for three tickets and not paid his one. It was so awkward that best friend couldn't bring himself to actually say anything.
I stopped answering the door to CFBF after that night and best friend and I have been laughing about him for 20 years now. I should have realised when he only turned up at mine in time for dinner and I'd feed him not wanting to be impolite!!

My ex mil rich as Midas but tight as anything. Me and ex dp took her to Venice, she'd spent the weekend being fed by my family. Doing some sightseeing I had genuinely left my purse in the car. Asked my little stepson - her grand son- if he wants to buy a fridge magnet to take back for his mum. Mil said she had some euros - 4 euros. Bought fridge magnet, she asked for 4 euro as soon as we got back to the car !

No outlay of money involved in this one, but it was a sign of things to come.
A good friend of mine became an item with BF who was into folk dancing, (I knew him slightly through church) and we were invited to the ceremony at the church (big "folky" do) but not the evening reception. Fair enough, they had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, the expense would be enormous if they invited all and sundry. Then BF and I were happy to go along to the church, wish the happy couple well, and come home.
Then I got a last-minute call from the prospective groom. It seems that they were doing a "barn dance" style reception, but not having a live band to save money. He knew that I had a set of country dancing records (this was a LONG time ago!) which I used at school for an after-school club, and wondered if he could borrow them. I waited to see if, as I would be making such a substantial contribution to the evening's jollities, this would lead to a late invitation for me and OH for at least part of the evening, but no, he just wanted a free loan.
Fortunately, I had my wits about me, and said, "Oh sorry, I use them at school, so that's where I keep them." He rang off, rather huffily. The marriage staggered on for a few years, but eventually foundered when my friend had enough of his stinginess (and general twattery).

I live in a long-haul tourist destination. This means guests stay at my house which I welcome. One CF guest was very happy for me to drive him all over the place. I said this was fine but I'd need petrol money - long distances.I filled the tank once on his three week stay and he complained about it being higher octane, so more expensive. Are you going to fill the tank? Yes. This carried on with groceries. We went to two parties and he expected "his" bottle contibution to be one from my shelves. The meal out as a thank you was often mentioned and never happened.

He has not been in touch since. A 30 year friendship down the pan. To be fair, I haven't contacted him except to to tell him of the death of an ex of mine. No reply.

JimandPam, being an Executor doesn't mean that you can do what you want.

If the Executor isn't following the Will, or isn't settling up in a reasonable time frame, they can be legally removed.

The probate forms asks about surviving Family and a Will.

I can't believe that your DM gave away a house etc, unless you are all rich, of course.

@Birdsgottafly Yes it was over ten years ago hence 'or something' as I couldn't quite remember the words but it was some overriding thing in her will that meant he had control of everything and her wishes were seen as more suggestions.

Believe me, my DM and her DSis took legal advice and spoke to the solicitor who was at the meeting but CFC dying so soon after also added complexities. They were advised they could pursue but it would be lengthy, costly and they may not win at the end of it.

And no, not at all rich enough to just right off that sort of money without trying to get it sorted

Ex boyfriend asked me out to a pub meal with his friends. Bill came and I got my card out. Ex made a big show in front of his friends of taking the bill from me and paying my share.

That night he asked me for the cash. To my shame I went out with him for another year after that .

I'm gobsmacked at these! It's not often I RTFT but everyone's CF tales are so good I don't want to miss any!

I remembered another for me. About 10 years ago I worked with a CF girl who's only goal in life was to be a kept woman and never earn her own money. She got the job because her then boyfriends mum ran our department but she never lifted a finger. She just bossed everyone else around and acted like a guard dog for our boss.

Lunch times were bad because it was polite to ask the team if they wanted anything from the canteen or shops if we were going there. CF always put in an order but never paid us back. I quickly got tired of being out of pocket so got sly and would start saying "Oh sorry, they didn't have the thing you wanted". Then when she twigged i'd started saying it every day and told me she knew I was lying. I simply said "If you want lunch pay for it yourself or find another mug to feed you". So she did. From then on she got our boss to pay saying "What would your son say if he knew you we're leaving me to starve"!

Fast forward a couple of years and I've moved jobs but am now working with a girl with the same surname as CF. Turns out it's her sister. She's actually quite nice but very up her own arse and a CF in different ways. I hadn't spoken to original CF since I left the job but her sister hands me an invite to CF sons christening. I didn't even know she'd had a baby! I politely declined saying I was busy but her sister said "Oh but she's worried her son won't get many gifts or much money if people don't go. Can you change your plans?" I did not!

1 year later I'm still working with the sister and I get a (last minute) invite to CF's wedding! Her sister tells me it's this weekend and 'They've had a few drop outs so I can go to the whole day and not just the evening! They're asking for cash gifts of no less than £100 per guest to cover their meal costs and fund their honeymoon.' Her sister spent months moaning to me that their parents were paying for the whole thing so I knew they were pocketing the lot. I said I couldn't go as I was picking up the keys to my new house and actually moving in on the day of their wedding, which was true. She suggested I only go to the evening then and give a £50 wedding gift instead. When I said no to that as well she said the polite thing to do was to still give them a gift but as an apology for not being able to attend Again, I did not!

The worst part of all though is the CF won a substantial amount of money on the lottery 2 years later, bought a house outright, gave up her job and got everything she ever wanted!

Mutual friends of ours moved out of London, but DH still had a teaching job on Fridays. He asked if he could stop over at a mutual friend's before going home on Saturday morning. She happily agreed, and as one does with a guest, made up a fresh bed, cooked a meal for his benefit, etc., having rushed straight home from her own full-time teaching job to do the "house fit for visitors" bit. He was/is vegetarian, so an extra serving of what she was preparing anyway didn't fit the bill, so extra cleaning, washing, provisions, cooking. (plus, his DW, back at the homestead, was wrangling bath and bedtime with two DC's, so a nice relaxed evening with childfree friends seemed an easier option.....)This went on for a few weeks, and it never seemed to occur to him to treat them both to a meal out, or a takeaway.
Come the end of the school year, my friend naturally assumed that he would replace his London part-time instrumental teaching with something closer to home, and was gobsmacked to discover that he had assumed it was a permanent arrangement.
Fortunately, she warned me that he was sniffing around for another free B&B, so I was on guard.

@Annajohnsdottir what an utterly vile person. That story makes me question karma.

@LoudJazzHands

That's not CF, that's fraud. Did you ever go to the police?

When I was young, not long been in work after leaving school, my brother had the opportunity to buy a second hand car. He had no money that day but would have it tomorrow so asked me if I'd go overdrawn on my bank account to lend him the £200 to buy it because the owner was going to sell it to someone else if he couldn't buy it immediately. He was my brother, I loved him to pieces so I did as asked.

The day after he says, "give me your paying in book and I'll put it straight back in your account, it'll be more convenient for you seeing as you'll be at work". I gave it him with full trust.

I didn't have full trust on the Friday when I went to get my wages out and discovered he'd put back less than half.

He never paid me the rest. With unauthorized overdraft charges it took me 3 years to pay it back to the bank. In fact by the time I'd come to the end of paying it off, I'd lost my job and my BF (future DH) was paying it for me.

I never held it against DBro as such but the betrayal hurt a little. He did more than enough to make it up over the years. He is dead now, taken way too young and I'd pay anything to have him back.

@MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig stop giving her things.Make sure you have the money first before handing things over.

I had a friend who when we went out stopped the taxi at a cashpoint.
Told us she would follow us in.Good way of getting out of paying for the taxi.

Except i copped on,so i said to her rather than going half,she pays the taxi there.And i pay it home.

Another one, very similar actually. This happened before the brother one I just posted. In my defence, I was not long out of school, in my first proper full time job and very naive.

It was payday and I'd met up with my cousin to do a bit of late shopping.
After shopping she gave me a lift back to her house so I could help her by running interference so her mother wouldn't give her a bollocking for pissing money away on ugly shit clothes, chocolate and fags before catching the bus home despite her house being further away by bus for me than the shops had been.

Anyway, we get back to her house. She reaches into the back seat for her handbag and it is not there. Turns out she had put it on the roof as she unlocked the car and driven off with it still up there and it had fallen off.

She started freaking out, "My purse was in there with my last £80 in it, how am I gonna pay me petrol for work. How am I going to get through till payday. My mother's going to kill me for not paying my house keeping" . . . . "you'll have to lend me £80 and I'll give it you back next payday".

Sorry to say this fool did lend it all too readily. She drove me to the bank and grabbed the cash out of my hand. Funny how she never once gave me a lift to my house but drove me to the bank quick enough. (yeah, she left me to catch the bus home from the bank because she didn't want to waste any more of her petrol)

Fast forward to the next day. Cousin phones me to tell me a man has phoned her, told her he has found her handbag in the street and she could come to his house to get it. She wanted me to go with her in case he was a pervert. Apparently it was OK to use her petrol money to come get me to make her feel safe.

Cousin has bag back and drops me off at the first bus stop going my way to catch the bus back home, a quick wave and off she pisses.

I'm standing at the bus stop thinking, hang on a minute she's got her £80 back and mine. Sneaky bitch.

She worked in the same area as me and I spent the next week asking for my money back every day at lunch time. She finally realises she isn't getting away with it and pays me back on payday with the immortal line, " well, if money is more important to you than family I feel sorry for you".

I must point out at this point that her and her mother are the tightest mother fuckers you could ever meet. Neither one of them would give you a dry bogey off the end of their nose, family or not.

After speaking with her mother the next week, I found out she had spent the weekend pissing my money up the wall buying drinks and takeaways for her and her boyfriend. She never would have paid for his out of her own money so I really think she thought I'd never have the nerve to stand up to her so it was free cash as far as she was concerned.

Never loaned her another penny.

My relative who bought a reduced price chocolate advent calendar mid-December, wrapped it up for my son and gave it to him for Christmas.

Seriously WTF?

JimandPam - How on earth did probate go through on CFC's will when GA's will had not been settled? Did you take any legal advice on the situation? That's pretty horrific.

My BIL when asked by his DS with my two DDs standing by if he could have an ice-cream, gave him enough money to 'buy one for you and your sister'. I went in and got my purse and gave my DD's (one of whom is his God daughter) money to get an ice-cream too. They had come and crashed a night of our week in the family owned caravan. Brought enough food for themselves and offered nothing to say thanks for having us and then left their mess for me to clean up.

The following morning dd who was 9 at the time took her sister and two cousins to the shop on the caravan site and bought them all sweets for DN learning to do cartwheels.

We took him and his partner out to dinner another night years ago and he turned up drunk, proceeded to be a self absorbed prick (not unusual) and insult my brother (who was absent but has bought lots of BILs art on my recommendation and collects art. It was along the lines of who does he think he is discussing art, I am the artist and as such the Oracle). We paid for the delight of his company that evening.

I keep all my dd's clothes for his daughter. However, having not even received a card for her recent birthday I'm seriously contemplating giving the current pile to the charity shop.

DH has done very well for himself through diligence and hardwork. Whenever we go out, he is always first with his hand in his pocket.

After a recent piece of wankery I no longer have anything to do with him. Just thinking about him makes my blood boil.

This thread is crazy. My question is does CFs know they are CFs?

If they do, how do they reconcile / justify their behaviour to themselves and others?

My examples of my dad's CFery are light-hearted and someone laughable / embarrassing. But some of these stories the CFs in question are actually lacking in any morals whatsoever.

Mil works for an advertising agency, got some free circus tickets, she asked if she could take dc (x3), I just had to buy one ticket. Fine no problem.
Gave her £20 to cover ticket +£5 each for the dc.
Came back having had a great time with a twirly light sabre toy that dgm had bought them!! Didn't quite click at the time it was the money I had given for them! She stood there taking the gratitude from the dc anyway!!

Years ago we were away for a few days house hunting as we were relocating for work. DH's former SIL lived in the next town and had been helpful with local knowledge so we offered to take her and her newish DH our for dinner to say thank you. Given that we didn't know the area we asked where they would like to go and she suggested a local place and offers to book a table for us all. So far so good...

We arrived and realised it was the it place in this town, seven course seasonal taster menu (£50 a head) with wine pairing (a further £50 a head). When we arrived 10minutes before our booking they were by the fire finishing a bottle of wine between them. They were both sloshed by the third plate and her DH proceeded to add a single malt to the bill 'as our Scottish friends here live near where it's made' . Our bill was £462 plus a flipping tip! They were so drunk they didn't say thanks or even eat half the food. I valued their knowledge but never asked another question ever again. In the end we moved 30miles the other side of DH's new job and 55miles from them!

@SimplyPut I am stunned and sickened by that. How disgusting. What an extortionate amount of money.

IchWil I think most of them do. Some of it may be absentmindedness at best but I know a lady who deliberately flirts with men for a few days before she needs something heavy moving, then drops them like a stone and tells people how bad she feels "having so much unwanted male attention". She literally once turned to me when I said I thought she was leading 2 guys on "oh well, I'll just wait until I've moved on Friday - see I need the van from X and then I can suprise Y once he gets here that X will be helping him move the table and sofas..." The two guys had no idea she was stringing them both along and each thought he was being her only knight in shining armour (they had no idea thery were about to meet an apparent "rival"). In her head she had it all planned out. I don't talk to her now - she was doing the same to other friends in different ways and once they explain their thought processes to you it all unravels very quickly to an observer.

@IchWill I was utterly sickened. £500 down the drain and a miserable night listening to her DH rant on about himself. Our hotel for four nights cost less!

@IchWill Most do know they are cfs.They just have a brass neck and dont care.And because they get away with it most times,they keep going.

I think some of the cf on this thread i couldnt be friends with.Theres no way they can be such good friends if they just mooch off you.

@42andcounting Sadly the will was settled before he died but with CFC as sole beneficiary. I wish I could remember the line in her will that essentially undid all her wishes above.

DM and her DSis did speak to the solicitor who witnessed GA ask for it to be changed but as she passed away before he could act on anything and because he didn't receive anything formal from her (she literally passed away that night) it was a tough one.

They were told they could pursue it but as CFC also died it would be lengthy costly and they might not win.

DM regrets not legally following it up before CFC died but was trying to be respectful of the fact he had cancer and genuinely thought he wouldn't follow through on our suspicions! If she had followed it up straight away, while he was fighting cancer, it may have ended differently-but I'm not sure she could have forgiven herself for taking him to court while he was dying.

Simplyput