to let my DD get what she wants?

[ButtontopBakery]

Hi all. I have four teenage DC (13 and 14 yo boys, 16 and 19 yo girls)

My 16yo DD is turning 17 next year early January and is not into clothes, make-up, music ect. like my other three DC. She's a sweet girl with a very kind personality. Loves animals. She doesn't act her age and acts around 11-12 but can be very mature at times. She also has ASD and GAD and was only diagnosed when she was 14 when her mental health worsened and she became suicidal. She receives help now and is happy.

Her relationship with her father and my DP isn't that great and he gets on more with my other DC, especially eldest. Every Christmas and birthday DD16 has asked for toys. I have absolutely no problem with it at all and get what she asks for. My DP began finding it strange when she was 12 as she'd hit puberty then and was still asking for toys and such. He told her then she needed to start asking for different things.

Fast forward now, this year she's asked for animal toys (those figurines) a Kruselings doll and dollhouse furniture as well as some books as she is a very avid reader, a Barbie doll and remote control car and some Twozies. This is a lot more toy heavy than last year but I'm absolutely fine with it. But DP snapped earlier and told her she had to grow up now she's nearly in college. DD cried and shut herself in her room then I got into a massive argument with DP and he went off in a strop.

AIBU to get my DD what she wants for Christmas? Or should I try encourage her to like more age appropriate thngs? Because I am worried what she will do when we're gone and all. She is very very sensitive.

Your dd sounds just lovely, get her the things she's asked for as that's obviously what she would love.

Add some extra bits in like some bath bombs and clothes and you're all set.

My ds is an older teen and gets a soft toy every year (and the one year he didn't he got pissy!) he loves anime stuff and has requested stuff to do with that. He's not into fashion or regular music at all but I'm happy to buy him the items he loves as these are his passion. I have grown adult friends who play dungeons and dragons and build/paint small game figures for other games. Some people don't see the value of those but it's a huge part of their lives still so important to them.

By getting her what she wants you're showing her she's not judged and is valued just as she is. Your dp needs a boot up the arse and told to stop being a twonk.

Oops sorry x posted with your update xx

Your partner is a twat and yes, as long as your daughter’s list is within your budget get what she asks for. Such a waste of money to buy stuff for a person that they don’t really want.

My daughter just turned 18. She still asked for toys, though has just started to ask for more grown up stuff too. Your husband should count his blessings. She could be asking for all sorts of stuff that would cause him a lot more worry than dolls.
Let her grow up when she is ready. She will. Eventually. There is nothing wrong with enjoying being young.

CaladonianQueen - that is a hearbreaking story, I'm so sorry that happened to you, so called 'grown ups' can be so unthinking and cruel.

Thank you Kurri, my parents were otherwise lovely and considerate. I think they noticed my emotional immaturity (socially and emotionally, girls on the spectrum can function around five years younger their peers) and mistakenly thought that this would force me to ‘grow up’.

As it was, it didn’t help at all. If anything, I was more withdrawn and a clear target for bullies.

I at least had reading and drawing to escape to. I absolutely will never do anything so cruel to my dc!

I get a my little pony every year for Xmas.im 44.. I missed out as child thou ..I've seen some cute little monkey thingies in a tree ,that a lady had in a huge box from b and m that I'm after as well.

Baby bush dream world playset ...that's what I'm after .£50 .so I'm going to have to drop a lot of hints..that was the monkey things I saw in a tree 😃

@ButtontopBakery my DP is 24. Typical bloke into nice brand clothes aftershave going to the gym going to the pub and football etc. He's suggested Lego to me for Christmas. I have my own colouring pens and pencils in a glittery butterfly pencil case and my colouring books. Buy your girl what she has asked for and what you know she will enjoy. Age is just a number!

get her what she wants nothing wrong with her wishes and get rid of the loser you live with

Judging by your latest reply you are just going to gloss over this latest incident then? So long as they are now watching tv together? You need to stand up for your child. This will happen again, and again and again unless you really do something about it.

I'm 53 and would love a 'Fuzzyfelt farm'

I am still really into toys and, AFAIK, pretty neuro-typical.
I remember aged about 19 going into town and coming home with some Lego kits and that playdoh hairstyling barbershop thing. I sneaked them upstairs and had a happy few hours but felt such shame.
Now I openly embrace my love of toys and people around me just accept it as one of my quirks. There are worse habits to have!

Get your DD what she wants, she sounds lovely.

My DD is 11 and seems very immature compared to her peers. She is very geeky, so asking for lots of video gaming stuff but equally loves LOL Surprise, cuddly toys and the like. I take the view that if that's what she's into, so be it. I'd say get your girl what she wants and sod everyone else.

One of the saddest things in modern life is the desire to make children grow up quicker than they really need to.

I am an artist, and work with children, so I maintain and value the childlike joy that comes from a child’s view of the world.

Colour, cuddlies and tiny things represent joy, comfort and the complete wonder of miniature things that we can all appreciate.

Furthermore, what you like is part of who you are, at any age.
Why would you stop someone being who they are?

Good luck OP.

You could be wrongly, but understandably, associating your DD's acting young for her age with the desire for toys. But even if associated...
As pp have suggested even adults have toys etc My 15 yr old DS will probably never "grow out of" his toy of choice (Transformers) as I don't think he sees them as kids' toys. I don't either, but I know that he wouldn't want his friends knowing he still loves a transformer every birthday/Christmas.

Many adult authors of children's books have written about having a great sense of their "inner child". It makes them great writers for children and young adults! Though some adults worry that they have never really grown up.
There is somewhat of a divide between those who easily transitioned, as it were, into an adult, and those who found it more difficult. There are also those who silently pretend to have eased into being an adult.
Many Pre-teens and teens give up some games/toys/activities because they think they ought to conform to being what they perceive a "teenager" to be, rather than actually wanting this separation - which can cause anxiety.

Putting undue pressure on a young person here will only have negative results.
Sorry sounds like I got a bit serious
OP - you sound like you know what's right just looking for some back up!? xxx

I would give her exactly what she has asked for and be pleased that she's happy. I think to do anything else would be mean. There is nothing wrong with what she has chosen - it may not be typical for a 17 yo but better that than some of the things they want!!

When I was 17 I saved my wages and bought a sypvanian families house with furniture and families. It was about a month’s worth of wages but it was something I really wanted. I have since passed it on to my own dd who loves it. Nothing wrong with teenagers and adults enjoying toys at all.

Bugger that! Buy her what she wants, my goodness the world is mean enough these days. Let’s take some joy in our inner child.

After this thread, I’m going to buy myself some sylvanian families and play with them!!

ladyvimes

I bought my dd Sylvanian stuff but she wasn't so careful with them.
She's long grown out of them and I'm replacing bits that have gone missing, the best I can.

5foot5 Last year for my birthday, my brother bought me a TARDIS rucksack
Oh that must be really useful - I bet you can get loads in it

I am absolutely dying laughing here . Thank you

I say she should be able to have toys if she wants it BUT they are weird things to want as a 17 year old :S

Not weird at all if you are a 17 year old with an autism diagnosis and you are actually years behind your physical age. It's very common.

I would get her what she wants. She may be 17 but she doesn't connect with that age. Maybe DH needs to do a bit research on autism even a short course to understand it. I support people with Autism and some of the things I buy for the adults are children's toys. It makes them happy that's all that matters.

Look up the Small Worlds museum in the Czech Republic I've never been there in RL, alas, but love reading the blog. Lovely doll's house museum run by a life-long collector.

I'd get her the things she wants but i'd also be considering the things her peers would be asking for and maybe adding a couple of those in the mix.

She may not be excited about the latest teenager gadget/clothes etc. but in the superficial world of teenagers it can garner some social acceptance which might make her life easier and even spark more interest in some more age appropriate things.

As a lot of the posters pointed out it is perfectly possible to have toys and be a well adjusted adult, i think the poignancy here is that usually at this particular age you'd expect the child to be rejecting all things 'childish'. I hope she has a lovely Christmas and you sort your husband out!