‘Babies are disgusting’

[PumpkinsMum18]

Not really an AIBU but wasn’t sure where else to post....

I have a friend at work. She is lovely, nice to chat to and a good laugh.

BUT she strongly dislikes children with a passion. She thinks ‘babies are disgusting’ (her exact words) and is adamant she is never going to have kids - fair enough, her choice, got no problem with that. A colleague brought in her new baby and my friend starting making little gagging noises when she saw the baby from across the office which I thought was a bit rude.....

I don’t have kids but am thinking about about starting TTC next year. I feel I won’t be able to speak to her about anything baby/pregnancy related cos she might make some upsetting comment.....

Has anyone ever met anyone like this? I totally understand some people aren’t keen on children but this seems a bit excessive?

She was rude and very childish reacting like that when your colleague brought her baby in.
Fine, she doesn’t like babies well she doesn’t have to have one does she. She shouldn’t openly show her disgust at someone’s baby like that though.

The way she reacted it was something a 5 year old would do.

@WithAFaeryHandInHand

Your ex-friend sounds bloody awful! You were well rid!

I did have a few like that too, and as I said, I imagine many new mums did!

To be fair, there were several child free women who were actually still lovely after my DC came along. One was 40, (a neighbour of my parents,) and never had kids (I never knew why.) And she was all over mine, bought them Easter Eggs, Selection Boxes for Christmas, and little gifts for their birthdays. Lovely lady.

There was also an elderly lady I knew when I was a child, who was a family friend (well she was 55 when I was about 7, so seemed elderly to me!) She was never married, had no children, and was very sweet. Bought a massive box of sweets for Halloween for her friends kids, and selection boxes at Christmas too.

So not everyone was like that (who had no kids,) but a few were like that sadly......

Gagging at someone's baby is evil.

Haha! Mumsnet gold

tillytrotter21, it wasn't the baby you were supporting. We financially support the old people in our Society a lot more, through taxation. But that Baby will one day support you, or its generation will.

Would it be acceptable to say disabled incontinent people are disgusting, or elderly/dementia people are gross?

There's something very wrong with you if you don't like children to the degree expressed on here.

You wouldn't get away with it if it was directed towards any other vulnerable group.

My sister is this person, she calls babies - and children "human larvae"

Roll eyes and ignore is the best way forwards.

Oh of course most child free people are nothing like this at all! Yikes.

I really admire people who choose not to have children, if it isn’t for them. I think the expectation that everyone MUST have children is dangerous, for all sorts of reasons.

Anyone who chooses not to have children or even if they’re on the fence would have my full support NOT to have them.

But anyone who actively dislikes an entire age group is either a cunt or has some big problems and has my sympathy.

Not everyone who gags at babies wants them and can't have them. A A friend of mine is exactly like this and it's awful. When a mutual friend said she was pregnant baby-hating friend pulled a face and said "eurgh pregnancy is disgusting and you know I hate babies so don't think I'll feel any differently about yours".

She's actually fine with bigger children but she makes no secret of finding being around pregnant friends and babies absolutely sickening. When I told her I was pregnant, after 5 mcs, she made a face and said "yeah, I'd assumed" and then moaned about how she found out at the same time as a handful of other people rather than beforehand. I knew what she'd be like, no way I'd have put myself in a situation where she could express her disgust about my pregnancy or forthcoming baby one to one!

She's a lovely person but this isn't my favourite thing about her. It's a genuine loathing, not a front for wanting children, I've known her a long time. Her husband is desperate to be a dad and she's adamant that humans procreating is the grossest thing ever.

I think it is rude and lacking social skills BUT there is nothing more tedious than women who go on and on about being pregnant, every symptom of their pregnancy, give you full details of the birth (who is interested?) and talk about their babies/children non stop. And let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen because we all know women who are like that. It’s as though no one else has got pregnant in the history of the world. I remember being quite irritated when people brought their babies into work, everybody stopped working to admire the baby & then there is the awkward silence when the workers realise they need to get back to work and the new mum is standing there not really knowing what to do. Far better to meet the new baby outside of work.

Any full-grown adult person who puts on "little gagging noises" at an everyday sight in order to make a point is sadly lacking in maturity. She sounds annoying.

Totally agree re bringing babies to work. Mega awkward. I refused to do it. Why? But then I didn’t like my colleagues enough to introduce them to my baby, so maybe if I really loved them I’d have felt differently. I probably would have met them for lunch outside work or something.

My point re baby haters still stands though. Not “don’t want babies”. If you “hate all babies” or “hate all old people” or “hate all women” or “hate all disabled people” you are a cunt, cunt, cuntetty cunt cunt.

tillytrotter21 gosh pastoral care wasn't you best subject at teacher training then was it!

DH had some eco-warrior friends who were massively anti-children and were openly rude about our choice to have four children, and made some horribly upsetting comments about our family, suggesting we were being bankrolled by taxpayers and ignorant of the effect of our large family on the environment.

Roll on a few years, and the wife (the aged 38) decided she actually wanted a child 'to see what it was like' - as if she could give it back if she decided it wasn't right for her. She was unable to conceive so it never happened, but I sometimes wonder what sort of parents this couple would have been.

I think it's a bit weird when ppl bring their babies into the office tbh. I have no interest but I feign it to be polite. Gagging is OTT i agree

I think there have been some over reactions to your colleague gagging at the baby brought in to work. Even if she does dislike babies, she probably just thought she was being funny. I’m personally not a huge fan of bringing babies in to work to show off either (I know sometimes there’s no choice...a few of my colleagues have had to for back to work meetings before childcare was in place) as I find it awkward and I don’t know how to react. I’m not comfortable around babies at all, and a lot of people aren’t if they’ve never had their own.

Chances are that if you’re actually friends with the colleague, she’d be perfectly polite about any future baby you have. Maybe she wouldn’t be interested, but if you’re not that close then that doesn’t matter anyway.

I had a colleague like this - i saw her partner recently &they’ve had a baby ... I hope she’s changed her opinion.

Well I can say this as a mother of two who doesn't like babies and finds children hard work. There are plenty of people who don't like children and really can't see them fitting in to their life. However, making strange gagging noises and being rude isn't acceptable. It's pretty immature, isn't it really? It's also pretty silly given the fact your friend was also a child once. So I'd be adjusting my opinion of my friend when she can be so offensive.

But on another note, I don't really see why you have a need to share information about trying to conceive with her...or anyone for that matter. I certainly didn't. Also, I'd never share this information with someone I work with - why potentially complicate things with your work?

@zeezee3 Interestingly, you'll also get an awful lot of single people without children who get dropped by their coupled friends once they have children because they won't socialise of an evening, so make new mummy friends at playgroups etc.

I’ve seen that too shatner.

And I’m aware I see less of all my friends, (childless friends and those with children), now I have dcs of my own.

@shatnerswig yep! I’ve been dropped by so many friends since they had babies. To the point that when someone announces a pregnancy I think ‘oh, bye then’.

sharpblade.

If they’re worth waiting for, then maybe when the baby years are over you might see a bit more of them. And when their kids are flying the nest I bet they’ll be desperate for your attention.

@withafaery you’re right, you just have to hang on in there and after a few years most bounce back

Yeah, only if you want them back though! It’s hard to see people as much when you have dcs, but nobody should just drop you like that.

"She wouldn't dare go around saying she hates old people and make gagging noises at them would she"

If people kept on bringing Granma to work and expecting women to coo and ooooh and aaaah over her, she might

I brought my gran to school once. She did a very interesting talk about rationing during WW2 I’ll have you know. Nobody cooed though . Poor gran.

I mean making gagging noises is blatantly rude- if nothing else babies are people and she shouldn't be making puke noises in response to anybody! She must have thought she was being funny by reacting so differently to everyone else.

There must be a reason for her to feel so strongly- perhaps she doesn't like mess and babies tend to make a mess or perhaps she hates the sense of responsibility that they bring and how helpless they are. None of these would justify being so childish about it though!

Maybe you just avoid talking about pregnancy/baby stuff with that colleague and talk to others about it. If she falls out with you over it then that's her problem!