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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

‘Babies are disgusting’

171 replies

PumpkinsMum18 · 13/11/2018 07:55

Not really an AIBU but wasn’t sure where else to post....

I have a friend at work. She is lovely, nice to chat to and a good laugh.

BUT she strongly dislikes children with a passion. She thinks ‘babies are disgusting’ (her exact words) and is adamant she is never going to have kids - fair enough, her choice, got no problem with that. A colleague brought in her new baby and my friend starting making little gagging noises when she saw the baby from across the office which I thought was a bit rude.....

I don’t have kids but am thinking about about starting TTC next year. I feel I won’t be able to speak to her about anything baby/pregnancy related cos she might make some upsetting comment.....

Has anyone ever met anyone like this? I totally understand some people aren’t keen on children but this seems a bit excessive?

OP posts:

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 13/11/2018 08:26

Gagging noises? Is she 3? There’s no excuse for the ridiculous gagging noises but I think when you just aren’t at that stage in your life it’s sometimes hard to be constantly bombarded with baby/children office chat.

I didn’t find children that interesting in my 20s, I temped in an office with a bunch of women in my early 20s and all they talked about was their kids, drove me up the wall. I’ve always wanted children though, I just wasn’t interested at that point in listening to what little Timothy got up to, all day EVERYDAY. I’m in my 30s now and have 2 kids under 3, I’m that mum now discussing what Timothy had for breakfast, did last night etc etc haha, with the 20 year olds rolling their eyes hard.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 13/11/2018 08:27

Don't like babies? Simple solution - don't have them!

Making gagging noises is rude. If she does it again I would be tempted to tell her that nobody expects her to go and coo and fuss over it, but that making noises of disgust is immature and attention seeking and nobody is interested in her silly and rude behaviour.

SnuggyBuggy · 13/11/2018 08:29

The gagging was pretty immature

PurpleDaisies · 13/11/2018 08:30

Don't like babies? Simple solution - don't have them!

It isn’t that simple though. It’s really hard to avoid other people talking about their babies around you, giving them to you to hold, sharing pictures all over your Facebook feed, sending you scan pictures...

PikaPikaTink · 13/11/2018 08:30

It's rude but could be a reaction to the way that women are expected to drop their work immediately and coo whenever anyone brings a baby to work. The fact that you would consider talking to her about ttc and baby things sounds s bit odd to be honest as she's clearly not interested. Maybe she's sick of people assuming she wants to talk about these things just because she's female.

User12879923378 · 13/11/2018 08:33

I love babies so obviously I think she's being a little bit silly about this... but I didn't love them twenty years ago and couldn't have imagined having one of my own. If she wasn't doing this within earshot of the baby's mum I'm not sure I'd be that bothered.

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 13/11/2018 08:34

Someone made a good point about it being a cover up. I know someone that can’t have children because of cancer treatment, whenever I see the couple at gatherings they sit making derogatory comments about the children there. It’s a cover up, they really wanted children. I got really pissed off the first time they did it but then someone explained why they were like that. Doesn’t make it right but I just ignore them when they comment now.

IrenetheQuaint · 13/11/2018 08:35

Have you ever asked her why she hates babies so much? I find them a bit dull and am baffled by the hysteria when one turns up in the office, but I am always polite. There must be a reason for her somewhat extreme behaviour.

Harley182 · 13/11/2018 08:36

I think that's a complete over reaction and very childish. I would expect that sort of behaviour from a child. I think people saying that she may have issues and using that to cover it up, why would someone do that. I don't get why people need to rain on other people's happiness. It's like saying oh I don't have that's so I'm going to diminish it to make myself feel better!

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 13/11/2018 08:37

Ironically childish response for a person who doesn’t like children.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/11/2018 08:37

I must say I do find it odd when people talk about TTC. To me its like you're saying "I'm shagging constantly and I want the world to know"
Perhaps I'm the odd bod, though

SirGawain · 13/11/2018 08:39

My best friend from school was like this. she was in the ALFthough and was anti child for environmental and animal rights reasons. She ghosted me when I had DS1 and we haven't spoken since.

Not much hope for the environment if we are all extinct!

MulderitsmeX · 13/11/2018 08:41

Why on earth would you talk to her about your pg if you know she's not interested? Incredibly rude.

I have my own baby and he is totally gross (and extrmely cute!) It's just a fact (remembers poo-in-mouth incident ). I love talking with my workmates about our LO but tone it down when speaking about those without.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 13/11/2018 08:45

How old is she? I knew quite a few people who were like this about children (and talked about 'breeders' etc) in their early 20s - some of them have gone on to have children, some have stayed childless by choice but none of them are like this about it any more. There's nothing immature about not wanting children, but there is something immature about making a rude performance out of it.

ShatnersWig · 13/11/2018 08:45

Not much hope for the environment if we are all extinct!

Actually the reverse would be true. Man has fucked up the environment in a couple of hundred years. Yay for us.

ApplesinmyPocket · 13/11/2018 08:46

Is she quite young? My stepbrother in his early 20s barely hid his disgust at my babies; when asked by my mother what the problem was, he muttered that "babies smell' (most babies smell of talc and recent baths IME! but I suppose he was imagining filled nappies or something.)

When he was more mature, he met a lovely girl and they had twins within a few years. He was a devoted father right from the start and I sometimes think of his 'babies are disgusting!' phase and smile.

Re your friend: if she makes gagging noises that the parent could see just on viewing a baby, that is really rude and not normal at all. (Even my stepbro wouldn't have gone that far!) But if you become pregnant then don't mention it much (to ANYone who doesn't first raise the subject themselves, in an eager way) - it's a completely normal thing, humans do it all the time, and while it's amazing and special and wonderful to YOU, it's of no interest really to anyone other than you and your own family.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 13/11/2018 08:49

Why on earth would you talk to her about your pg if you know she's not interested? Incredibly rude.

To be fair it can be quite hard to avoid in a group setting (no excuse for one on one). I hated talking about my pregnancy in work situations and it really bothered me that it became the first thing everyone asked me about once I was clearly showing but I had to answer the questions - there wasn't any other option than being openly rude. I tried to keep it as short as possible and it still sometimes felt like it took up half the meeting.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 13/11/2018 08:53

I am afraid I do agree with OP's colleague - I hate babies with a passion. I feel terribly agitated around them and dislike it when you are expected to coo over someone's latest sprog. However, I wouldn't be quite so blatant as to make gagging noises (although I might have a bit of a rant when on my own!).

Blanchedupetitpois · 13/11/2018 08:55

She sounds bloody rude. Gagging at someone’s baby is just shitty manners.

Not sure why you would even want to discuss pregnancy with her when she’s so grossed out by it - I would just avoid the topic with her and stick to things she’s not uncomfortable with.

Petalflowers · 13/11/2018 08:58

She sounds rude to be honest. It doesn’t matter whether you like babies or not, when someone brings in their newborn, the convention is to ooh and aah and congratulate the mum, not to make gagging noises.

OlderThanAverageforMN · 13/11/2018 08:59

I think it is quite common. I was never interested in babies, and found them smelly, drolly and repulsive. I used to disappear when colleagues brought in their newly born babies, I couldn't coo over something that was clearly ugly and uninteresting to me.

I have my own (obviously perfect) specimens, but never took them to the office to be admired, and didn't go in for any of the baby groups because I was still not interested in talking or obsessing over babies even though I had one of my own. People are different.

SleepySofa · 13/11/2018 09:03

I had a work friend like this. Once I had DS, she made it very very clear that she just wasn't interested in anything he did or said. I get new mums are probably pretty boring, but she just had zero interest in that aspect of my life, and would change the subject whenever i mentioned him. Anyway, we're not really friends any more - not a conscious decision on my part but just a gradual dwindling away of the relationship.

I feel I should add that while most of my other friends now have kids, a few don't and we still manage to be stay friends. So it's not that I dropped all my single/childless/childfree friends after I had DS.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 13/11/2018 09:03

She's either very rude or dealing with some complex issues about being able to have children.

However, babies are kind of grotty. They are incontinent from every oriface, frequently smell, frequently complain, and generally compare poorly to the young of other species. It's not polite to say so though.

ShatnersWig · 13/11/2018 09:03

I feel I won’t be able to speak to her about anything baby/pregnancy related cos she might make some upsetting comment.....

Then don't. She'll be grateful. But why would you feel the need to speak to her about anything baby related in the first place? She's a colleague not a close friend. I think this is half the problem very often - people think everyone is interested in their pregnancy and their baby. Newsflash - they aren't.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 13/11/2018 09:03

I couldn't coo over something that was clearly ugly and uninteresting to me

Do you never feign interest in anything for the sake of politeness? Colleagues talk about all sorts of things I don't actually care about (their houses, cars, sporting hobbies, obscure parts of their own research that I think are pointless...), but I nod along for a few minutes because it's sort of a minimum requirement of not being a dick. Unless people are bringing babies into your workplace daily, which seems unlikely, saying 'ah, they're lovely. How are you getting on?' is hardly a big ask.

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