‘Babies are disgusting’

[PumpkinsMum18]

Not really an AIBU but wasn’t sure where else to post....

I have a friend at work. She is lovely, nice to chat to and a good laugh.

BUT she strongly dislikes children with a passion. She thinks ‘babies are disgusting’ (her exact words) and is adamant she is never going to have kids - fair enough, her choice, got no problem with that. A colleague brought in her new baby and my friend starting making little gagging noises when she saw the baby from across the office which I thought was a bit rude.....

I don’t have kids but am thinking about about starting TTC next year. I feel I won’t be able to speak to her about anything baby/pregnancy related cos she might make some upsetting comment.....

Has anyone ever met anyone like this? I totally understand some people aren’t keen on children but this seems a bit excessive?

@Pumpkinsmum18

WOW, what weird behaviour from this woman. And how nasty and rude..

I remember being really tired and yawning a lot for the first few weeks I was back to work after giving birth (many mothers went back when theirs were around 4 months old in the 1990's,) and this woman/colleague said 'wassup with you!'

I said the baby has been keeping me awake this week as she is teething.

She said 'shouldn't have had it then should ? No-one asked you to. God I hate these mummies that have these shitty little piles of puke and then come back to work and moan about being 'TIRED' and expect favours!'

I was literally like I said 'I'm not complaining. Or expecting favours.' She said 'Hmmm doesn't sound like it!' with a kind of look.

Her friend next to her said 'Jill doesn't like babies...' with an embarrassed look.... And this 'Jill' said vile little cunts all of them.'

I said 'no need to be so mean,' and felt mortified as I could feel tears stinging my eyes. 'Jill' said 'Oh no, it's gonna cry now. Baby blues alarm people!' And then she laughed.

I left the office and went to the toilets and just burst out crying. I didn't understand how any one person could be so vile.

I went back after a few minutes, and a couple of people asked if I was OK. I just nodded and got my head down. She just ignored me for the rest of the day, and rarely spoke to me again after. No apology, no nothing. She moved to another department a few months later.

Even now - over 2 decades on, I still feel a wave of anger if I think about it. I mean I don't constantly think about it - and I rarely do. But when a subject like this comes up, it brings it back.

It was only 4 months after my baby was born, I was tired, I was emotional because I had been ripped away from my baby only the week before, and I was stuck at work. (Which I didn't like much anyway!) and she was unnecessarily fucking horrible to me

So yeah YANBU OP. This woman is a horrible bitch. People are entitled to not want OR like babies, but to do fake puking noises is childish and pathetic and nasty.

You say you are friends, and she is 'lovely' and you have a laugh and so on. But I have a strong suspicion that she will keep her distance from you when you have a baby. Probably even when you are pregnant. And be prepared for spiteful comments from her - and people like her.

I do wonder why people like this are so desperate to tell everyone how much they hate babies. Strange really, isn't it?

Fucking GRIM not from!

I can't feign interest in babies and I would actually be sick if someone brought one near me at work.

That must make life... challenging? Luckily, I've taken my baby to lots of places, including the tube, bus and other close quarters and no one has yet vomited so I think your affliction is rare.

I didn’t find children that interesting in my 20s, I temped in an office with a bunch of women in my early 20s and all they talked about was their kids, drove me up the wall. I’ve always wanted children though, I just wasn’t interested at that point in listening to what little Timothy got up to, all day EVERYDAY. I’m in my 30s now and have 2 kids under 3, I’m that mum now discussing what Timothy had for breakfast, did last night etc etc haha, with the 20 year olds rolling their eyes hard.

I worked in an office with 40 - 50 year olds when I was 16, all they talked about was the menopause. That was eye opening to say the least!

Anyway OP your colleague was rude and immature. Good luck with the TTC.

You say you are friends, and she is 'lovely' and you have a laugh and so on. But I have a strong suspicion that she will keep her distance from you when you have a baby. Probably even when you are pregnant. And be prepared for spiteful comments from her - and people like her.

Agreed. My “friend” pretty much ditched me after I had my baby. She met up with dh and the baby once and said she wouldn’t acknowledge “it” at all. And didn’t. Just pretended my dc wasn’t there. Next time she wanted to meet up I told her to do one and I’m SO happy I did. Waste of oxygen that she is.

I had a boss just like this. She was also very unsympathetic when I miscarried. Fast forward a few years and she has two children who are the only things she posts about on her Facebook feed. She admitted once that it was her husband who didn’t want children, so her coping mechanism was keeping on about how disgusting babies and children were. I kind of admired her for telling the truth but still think she’s a bitch

She sounds like a bit of a tit. Absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with being firmly and happily childfree, but to be someone who starts "making little gagging noises when [they see a] baby" is just childish and rude. I wouldn't want to spend much time with someone like this whether I had babies or not.

Indeed mostdays. There’s somebody very wrong with someone who can’t remain civilised because babies make them so angry they lose control in this way. Who makes gagging noises at work like that? It’s very, very weird behaviour.

Something!

Jesus, I hate autocorrect .

@WithAFaeryHandInHand

Agreed. My “friend” pretty much ditched me after I had my baby. She met up with dh and the baby once and said she wouldn’t acknowledge “it” at all. And didn’t. Just pretended my dc wasn’t there. Next time she wanted to meet up I told her to do one and I’m SO happy I did. Waste of oxygen that she is.

Oh how horrible. Sadly I experienced this too! And I am willing to bet many new mums did/do! Me and DH had around 4 or 5 couples, and several single folk avoiding us/ditching us and being spiteful, and calling us baby bores when we rarely mentioned DC! But yeah DC were nearly always with us when they were babies/very young children.

Have to say though, that we made lots of new friends via our DC, at baby and toddler group and when they started school etc. We moved into a bigger house too after several years, and there were more people there with kids, and so we made new friends, and so did DC.

@DancerOnIce

I had a boss just like this. She was also very unsympathetic when I miscarried. Fast forward a few years and she has two children who are the only things she posts about on her Facebook feed. She admitted once that it was her husband who didn’t want children, so her coping mechanism was keeping on about how disgusting babies and children were. I kind of admired her for telling the truth but still think she’s a bitch.

Hmmm yeah it does make you wonder if it's a defence mechanism because deep down they really want them. Doesn't excuse them being so fucking mean and horrible and spiteful though.

It is unacceptable behaviour, but lots of people do not like babies or children, despite once being one themselves. I have met a few people like this myself.
Not much you can do, if she is still around when you are pregnant or have a child, i guess you have to accept she will not be at all interested and do not engage with her about anything baby related at all.

meant to say...

'But yeah DC were nearly always with us when they were babies/very young children. because we couldn't bloody leave them alone at home!' Yet these childfree people seemed annoyed our DC were there.

And as a pp said, they ignored them and never acknowledged them.

I used to work with a lady that would do this too. She was so rude about staff bringing their newborns in during maternity leave. We were friends until I actually had one! I used the college creche. Whenever she would see us walking in, she used to blank me! When I was about to leave on maternity with my second, I caught her crying in the kitchen. She had been through two rounds of IVF and not succeeded. I realised that she was rude to those with babies because she actually wanted one. As she struggled to become pregnant she became jealous of those who had babies.

If someone made gagging noises at my innocent baby I would be very hurt, and extremely angry.

The gagging noises are rude and immature, but babies are disgusting! I say this eight months pregnant, they vomit a lot, explosive pooing that escapes nappies/goes all up their backs, when they start to eat food they smear/smush/throw it everywhere, baby boys have a tendency to pee in your face at least once, but it doesn't matter because they are cute, don't do it intentionally and grow out of it.

zeezee

I’m glad she showed her true colours tbh. It gives me the creeps to think I might still have had her in my life, hanging around my dcs with her sneery, yuk faces. She made it incredibly easy for me to cut her out. Not just what I’ve mentioned on here, but some other stuff she said on the phone about my baby.

Tbh, being charitable, she may have realised she has such a problem, (and it is a problem in her case), with babies and children that she was letting me get out of the friendship easily.

She was difficult in other ways too and I think she has some very serious issues anyway.

But the main issue was craving attention. She always made up dramatic stories and played up for attention. I think this is why she hated being around dcs as they A) stole her attention and B) because her attention seeking behaviour would go from “oh, she’s a bit quirky and a bit of a live wire” to completely unacceptable / abhorrent if she had done it in front of children.

I think I'd have to say something, along the lines of:

Susan, I get that you don't like babies, but you really can't behave like this at work. If you don't want to see Jane's baby, just go and make a cup of tea.

EK36

That’s really sad .

In my friend’s case, it was definitely not infertility. She always said how much she disliked children and then had a pregnancy scare. So, unless that was a weird ruse for attention, (actually, very possible), she didn’t have any fertility issues that she knew about. Even if she did, tbh I would find some of her behaviour totally unforgivable, although she would have my sympathy.

My DD hates babies and they make her gag but she is 14 and has the manners and good grace to smile politely (then express her disgust out of esrshot of the adoring mother)

prepping. How awful for you .

An ex-pupil, still 16, brought her baby into school to show it off. Apparently I failed to show enough enthusiasm and support for her and her mother actually complained to the Head. As I said to the Head, look at my pay-slip if you think I don't support her.
In the work place there are two seriously obsessive yet boring subjects, weddings and pregnancies, no-one really wants to get a daily up-date on your plans for either.

I’m not into babies being brought into the workplace either fwiw. But fake gagging noises to make a point (not having to excuse yourself because of a true phobia) are very, very weird and rude. I’d drop this person like a hot potato personally. Anyone who hates any other human, because of their AGE, to this level is a cunt.

Oh sorry, a milk phobia! Yeah, it does smell a bit sicky.

I thought you had a proper phobia of babies that made you vomit! Still, not nice for you.