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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is a drama queen?

284 replies

gladstonefive · 12/11/2018 19:46

In laws came round last night for Sunday dinner.

Made G+Ts when they got here, and DD1 (14) asked if she could have one. We said yes. Then DD2 (12) asked- me and DP looked at each other and thought about it for a moment and he agreed.

The drink we made her was literally a splash of gin in a large wine glass topped up with tonic water filled with ice and lemon. I would say it was approx 10% gin and the rest tonic water/ice/lemon. She didn’t act any differently after drinking 60-70% of it. We made the same for DD1 who has had it a few times when we have had friends over etc- id say 3/4 times in the past year or so.

MIL went on a rant about it and we ended up asking her to leave because she was turning it into a full blown argument.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/11/2018 10:26

Your DMIL is totally out of order to question your choice of giving your DC a tiny splash of gin, on any other thread where a MIL criticises a parenting decision we get cries of ‘she needs to keep her beak out, she’s had her turn at raising her children’. A tiny splash of gin isn’t going to poison your child, but as is frequently said on Mumsnet, anything more than a thimbleful of Sherry at Christmas means you are a raving alcoholic.

goingonabearhunt1 · 13/11/2018 11:03

The answers on this thread seem a bit OTT. I don't really see the huge issue with a 12 year old having a taste of gin. Actually I think alcopops and the like are worse as they make alcohol more tasty to children. Better they taste a tiny bit of the real thing. But obv I'm in the minority Blush

minisoksmakehardwork · 13/11/2018 13:05

I don't think ywbu @gladstonefive but it is always going to cause a spilt wherever this is brought up.

FWIW we were allowed a small glass of wine (not watered down) with our Sunday dinner when we had guests.

Big celebrations like Christmas meant we were allowed a glass of spirits in the evening, eg a Baileys (my sister's choice, not diluted) or a Pernod and lemonade (my choice).

Amaried · 13/11/2018 13:13

Completely wrong in my opinion.. why did you feel the need to give your child gin?🤭

minisoksmakehardwork · 13/11/2018 13:13

Posted too soon!

I have been violently drunk enough times to count on one hand. At my 18th celebrations, my 21st and another occasion where my drink was spiked and I didn't realise. I'd say I'm a pretty responsible drinker on the whole. I know when I've had enough, I don't drink and drive ever and these day I can take it or leave it.

But my outlook now might also be coloured by my experience of my parents drinking. While I only remember my mum having a hangover once, once I got into my teens I remember my dad getting drunk pretty much every weekend and being an awful person because of it - worse than normal.

So while the odd glass helped me learn which drinks I did or did not like, watching my dad is probably responsible for my take it or leave it attitude now.

I have young children myself. They have all had a taste of wine on occasion at a Sunday dinner. As yet they are too young to actually like it.

So while your mil might not approve @gladstonefive, I'd only comment on it if it was a regular event - eg every time we came round your dc had a drink in hand. If they ever appeared to have drunk too much (unlikely if watered down). Or if you were apparently drunk yourself in charge of the children.

Tbh, if mil comes for dinner again I'd be tempted to make it a tea total affair, so even she misses out on her glass of wine.

DadJoke · 13/11/2018 13:17

YABU. NHS Guidelines.

MiniCooperLover · 13/11/2018 15:13

Ah OP, you're that parent ... the one who wants to appear 'cool' and their child's friend and can't be arsed to say no. Your updates trying to justify it are just daft. You don't give a 12 year old gin. Fucking ridiculous... 🙄

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/11/2018 16:08

I don’t get this watered down thing.

If you put 1/2 gallon of water in a pint of gin you still are drinking a pint of gin

LakieLady · 13/11/2018 16:31

I disagree with the majority here. I was allowed a (very) weak G&T or Scotch and lemonade from that sort of age, as was my DB. Neither of us have had any issues with alcohol (unless you count DB being a bit of a lightweight and getting pissed easily). I really don't think it's a big deal.

I think MIL was BU, and rather rude, as well. Your house, your rules and imo it's not on to criticise how someone else chooses to bring up their kids, especially when you're a guest in their home.

girlwithadragontattoo · 13/11/2018 16:43

Expat Brit here. I'm living in Europe and it's very common here to have red wine with your lunch, even 12 year olds have this. Obviously different cultures and all that and i understand why some people in the UK would be shocked, but it's not uncommon here

dwab45 · 13/11/2018 17:24

You are definitely NBU.

mrshousty · 13/11/2018 17:36

I agree with mil. Drink limit is there for a reason!

Evita10 · 13/11/2018 17:39

I don’t know but now I want a G&T :)

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 13/11/2018 17:40

If only 10% of the contents of the glass were gin (40% proof), then the alcohol strength of the drink was only 4%, less than a lot of beers, and they only had a small glass, not a pint pot.

You were not being unreasonable if it was a special treat. They were not drinking an adult strength drink.

BalconyDoor · 13/11/2018 17:41

Think it's totally fine tbh. Though my children aren't that age yet so perhaps I will change my mind nearer the time. It was a tiny amount and as long as it doesn't become a habit I can't see the issue.
Better to not make a big fuss of it and then have a teenager who goes way overboard with it at parties

Beaniebaby4 · 13/11/2018 17:49

More surprised that she actually wanted to drink it then I am that you gave it to her.
Doesn’t sound like you’re constantly letting her go mad with them, just a very occasional thing. I was allowed alcohol from a young age, when we went to France I had some with most meals. I am now so not fussed about alcohol and never drink it for the sake of it.
Don’t make yourself feel bad over this and hide the drinks (even from MIL Wink ) when she comes round again.

saffyBoo · 13/11/2018 17:53

I think a very very very weak drink is a good idea and encourages responsible drinking.

easielouisie · 13/11/2018 18:07

Not the right place for your question, not sure what you expected on mn! Grin

You're definitely not a 'shit mum' as some have said.. You know your kids and its your choice to parent as you like. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with what you've given them, a small amount as a one off. I've always been given a glass of wine here and there for special events, the equivalent of one shot which you haven't even given. Just ignore all the bitchy responses you're decision is right for you and I do believe it makes alcohol less mysterious.

Also mn, do you know how many 14 year olds get pissed up in the park on bloody strongbow..? Much better having half a shot of very diluted gin in the house.? No?

Only thing I do agree with is what a bloody waste Wink

elaine54 · 13/11/2018 18:09

I didn't agree with my children drinking under age, when it caused an argument with my in-laws. I told them if they insisted to give her a cigarette to go with it. they stormed out . enough said

00lili00 · 13/11/2018 18:10

There was a “relaxed attitude “ to drinking when I grew up. I still at 13 stole half a bottle of whisky out of the cupboard , drank it neat , propositioned the baby sitter and nearly had to have my stomach pumped. It wasn’t so much that I was the disturbed child - quite a few friends had similar scenarios. It is a sweeping statement to say “ I was allowed drinks at home and I can take it or leave it now therefore that must be true for everyone” . Taking it or leaving it in adult life is one thing. Not telling a child about the dangers of spirits is another.

QuestionableMouse · 13/11/2018 18:11

I drank at home from very small (glass of 'wine' that was more lemonade than wine, shandy, babysham at Christmas, a taste of sprits if dad was drinking them) but I'm not sure I'd give a teen gin. I didn't drink spirits at home until I was sixteen or seventeen and then it was vodka.

BertrandRussell · 13/11/2018 18:16

I don't have grandchildren but if I did, I would be pretty concerned if I saw someone giving one of them spirits and I would certainly say something. It depends what she said, really.

Believeitornot · 13/11/2018 18:16

YABU

Massively. Your MIL was right to be honest. Seems a bit odd to give children g&ts

Port1ajazz · 13/11/2018 18:17

No you're not ! We have all three children watered down wine when younger and not one of them felt the need to try drinking when they were a bit older ! Incidentally they do drink but not to excess !

HavelockVetinari · 13/11/2018 18:20

My family background is Italian / French / Spanish and I can honestly say that I have never seen over there the sort of public drunkenness you get over here.

Confused really? Because I've lived in Brittany (Rennes, to be specific) and have seen French teenagers getting TONS drunker than anyone I've ever seen. Have you never heard of Rue de la Soif? There's one in every university town or city!