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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my MIL is a drama queen?

284 replies

gladstonefive · 12/11/2018 19:46

In laws came round last night for Sunday dinner.

Made G+Ts when they got here, and DD1 (14) asked if she could have one. We said yes. Then DD2 (12) asked- me and DP looked at each other and thought about it for a moment and he agreed.

The drink we made her was literally a splash of gin in a large wine glass topped up with tonic water filled with ice and lemon. I would say it was approx 10% gin and the rest tonic water/ice/lemon. She didn’t act any differently after drinking 60-70% of it. We made the same for DD1 who has had it a few times when we have had friends over etc- id say 3/4 times in the past year or so.

MIL went on a rant about it and we ended up asking her to leave because she was turning it into a full blown argument.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NotANotMan · 13/11/2018 08:05

It's not the quantity of alcohol which was probably tiny, it's the idea of handing a gin and tonic to a 12 year old as if that's something they should be drinking! If I open a bottle of wine I don't offer my 12 year old a glass, it's for adults. It's just weird, unnecessary and inappropriate.

Pinkprincess1978 · 13/11/2018 08:06

Personally I think that's too young for spirts. I totally agree that introducing kids to alcohol in a controlled and supervised environment will demystify it and means they are less likely to be drinking on street corners with their mates.

We let our children drink Buck's Fizz on special occasions (Christmas and adults birthdays) and they have had sips of lager and prosecco to taste but I wouldn't be happy giving their own drinks for a while.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 13/11/2018 08:07

Yabu.Anyone should expect a responsible relative to give them a bollocking in response to giving a 12 yr old spirits, even if diluted.

Lost5stone · 13/11/2018 08:10

I would have refused the 12 year old. Can't say I'm bothered about the 14 year old though. I was given whisky at that age and I'm teetotal now.

SilverLining10 · 13/11/2018 08:11

I agree with your MIL completely. Poor parenting on your part. Why on earth would a 12yo child need a drink like that? Seems like you both want to be the cool parents rather than responsible ones.

PersonaNonGarter · 13/11/2018 08:16
Shock

You have issues with alcohol if you think that G&Ts for 12 & 14 year olds are any part of a Sunday dinner.

Your MIL was right and I suspect the reason you asked her to leave was that she brought up YOUR/DH’s drinking.

WobbleTime · 13/11/2018 08:56

I’m quite laid back but I wouldn’t have given mine gin. Sorry. If they wanted to be like the adults I’d have given them a bit glass of tonic with ice and lemon/lime slices in. No need for gin at 12 and 14.

WobbleTime · 13/11/2018 08:56

Big glass of tonic that should say. Not bit.

Talith · 13/11/2018 09:00

12 year old would be too young for me and I would have been judgy.

poglets · 13/11/2018 09:02

On one hand I don't agree with giving either of your children the gin. It's just too young, IMO.

However, they are not my children. And nor are they your MILs. It depends on whether you subscribe to the point that it is none of her business. I do.

But again, if you do controversial things then you will get diverse reactions, and you have to manage that.

It's your DHs problem, tbh. Let him deal with his mother.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 13/11/2018 09:04

10% 5% ..It's irrelevant, you don't give a 12 year old gin and tonic.

HildaZelda · 13/11/2018 09:36

Your MIL was not being a "drama queen". She was being a concerned grandparent. She may have BU for interfering, but you're being absolutely ridiculous handing a 12 year old her own glass of gin. Wouldn't be too happy about the 14 year old either.

howdyholdthedoody · 13/11/2018 09:38

If it was a 350ml drink, with 10% gin would be 35ml of gin! That is more than a single measure in a pub! I love gin but it shouldn't be given to a 14 year old let alone a friggin 12 year old! I can't believe the 12 year old even asked for one!Irresponsible.

drspouse · 13/11/2018 09:43

The advice is a taste of alcohol is OK from about 15 when their livers etc. are getting to adult levels.
Not 12. YADBVVVVVVVU.

drspouse · 13/11/2018 09:46

And yes, as PP have said, a big glass of tonic with lemon and ice is perfect for a preteen and a young teen.

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/11/2018 09:52

I wouldn't worry about it. I think children who have it like that are less likely to fall on alcohol when old enough

Actually found the opposite to be true.

Dd has several friends who’s parents berated me when I said that I wasn’t going to teach my child to drink alcohol.

I don’t drink so wasn’t going to go out and buy alcohol just so dd could drink.

It is their dc who have ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning.

Dd has seen the results of what drinking has done to them in a more physical sense.

In the last year-18 months the amount of weight these girls have put on and the state of their skin has put dd off from drinking for life.

Ds I don’t think will drink because
A. He isn’t interested
and
B. He is going to be doing a job where the most money is on weekend nights where everyone else wants to have a drink because it is the weekend and he will be sober.

Ozgirl75 · 13/11/2018 09:56

I don’t want my kids to go on drugs binges when they’re older - when’s the best time to demystify cocaine and marijuana to show them how to take drugs responsibly? 15? Or maybe 12?

Alfie190 · 13/11/2018 09:56

My parents used to allow us a small glass of sparking wine or similar for Christmas dinner from a young age, but that was it. I don't think it has had any impact on sensible attitude to alcohol. In fact, I drink too much (although I didn't as a teen, middle age did that to me).

I think giving a 12 and 14 year old a G&T on a random night in November and when friends visit, is not wise.

I can understand your MIL concern, however, recognising that it is not illegal, I think as concerned grandparent, she could have maybe brought it up with you both another time in a calm manner rather than cause a big scene in your house there and then.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/11/2018 10:02

I think a lot of people on here have absolutely no sense of perspective - a splash of gin in a glass full of tonic is not an issue for social services. You might not agree with her decision but it is her decision to make, not mils. OP did not do anything illegal, which I think that some if you could do with remembering.

Oliversmumsarmy · 13/11/2018 10:03

I don’t think young people go out to binge drink alcohol because it is cool I think they binge drink alcohol because they like it and like how it makes them feel and it gives them confidence.

Teaching your dc to drink alcohol sensibly is fine as long as they don’t get the taste for it.

CarolDanvers · 13/11/2018 10:04

I can’t understand the thought processes that would lead to giving either a 14 year old or a 12 year old a gin and tonic. I understand the introducing alcohol in a controlled way theory but don’t really agree with it in that I think it’s only useful if sensible, healthy alcohol consumption is generally being exhibited by those around them. My parents did the let’s introduce sensibly thing but would be completely hammered themselves most weekends and pretty much every day over Christmas. Heavy drinking was very much normalised and that’s what I did throughout my twenties and thirties. What’s your drinking like OP?

MsJudgemental · 13/11/2018 10:16

@cherries101

He really doesn’t. He’s like Sapphy from ‘Absolutely Fabulous’! We’ve always encouraged him to go out and socialise but he’d rather socialise with friends at home via his computer. He did have one occasion when he was 16 when he had a few cans in his bedroom and was ill. He confessed that he had ‘messed up’ and learned a lesson. I’d rather that he learned that lesson when he was safe at home and not in the city centre with a load of people in the same condition.

We’ve had conversations about the fact I’m a bit worried that he hardly ever goes out, and when he does he doesn’t stay out that long. Turns out that he doesn’t really enjoy being around people who are just into getting pissed and finds it boring. I asked him whether it was because he had always been brought up being allowed to drink so it was no big deal and he thought it was. I know that he’s not drinking much at home because there’s hardly ever any alcohol cans or bottles in his recycling and if he comes to us for dinner he sometimes doesn’t even finish a glass of wine. We have spent a lot of time together on holiday road trips where DH and I are drinking and 9 times out of 10 he prefers a soft drink.

My family background is Italian / French / Spanish and I can honestly say that I have never seen over there the sort of public drunkenness you get over here.

AcidPops · 13/11/2018 10:18

YANBU

3luckystars · 13/11/2018 10:20

There is no way it is ok to give a child gin.

RTFT · 13/11/2018 10:25

They've got plenty of years ahead of them to drink, just why?