Come from a very dysfunctional family myself. As a result always longed for a “normal” family. One of the things which attracted me to DH was that he and his family seemed pretty “normal” ie mum, dad, brother, parents had “good” jobs, own home, no addictions. In fact the opposite to my background. Told DH about my own family, the impact it’s had on my life, how if I had children I wanted them to have a “normal” childhood and family.
When DH & I started going out I met his family lots of times & everything seemed fine. DH never once mentioned what I now know; his parents don’t care about him, they are tight with money & let their son pawn all his possessions when he was at uni as he was so broke. They have no interest in their son and zero interest in their grandchildren. When we visited them this summer there was no food in the house for us to eat.
I asked DH if he had ever had any sort of relationship with his parents. He said no. They took no interest in him as a child, they didn’t do anything together, no days out, no holidays, no conversations about what he should do with his life, nothing.
DH has admitted he only felt able to visit his parents when I was with him as it offered him some sort of “protection” against them ie with me there they were less likely to shout or have a go at him.
My counsellor said I am so angry because with DH I thought I was getting the family I craved.
I am just so angry with DH. How dare he not tell me about how awful his parents are until we are married and have children. I feel so guilty that I have had children with a man whose parents have zero interest in their grandchildren. At the back of my mind I think if I had married someone else I would have given my children grandparents who would have loved them. I know there is no guarantee but they couldn’t have any worse grandparents.
I was honest with DH about my family so he should have been honest with me. It’s only now, when it’s too late that he shares all the horrible tales from his childhood!