To not want to sleep train my one year old? (He's currently crying his eyes out for me in the other room. So angry at my husband about it.

[tablebrush]

I am so close to storming out of this bedroom and getting my baby. He is in with his dad in his nursery.
He is ebf and was waking constantly in the night so we started night weaning/sleep training and husband went in to settle him each time, then at 4am he comes into our bed and feeds until morning. It was going well with less wake ups but then we had some disruptions due to illness and now it just doesn't seem to be getting back on track!
He's waking constantly over the last few nights and right now is the worst. He's crying so much and I know he wants me.
I feel like I want to just go in the spare room and co sleep with him again, I'm so angry at my husband as he won't even entertain this idea or any others and gets angry when I bring it up.
I'm sorry for long post. Thanks for reading if anyone still is x

The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith comes highly recommended.

However you do the sleep training, try and be consistent. Otherwise, it is confusing for him. He won't understand why sometimes he's allowed in your bed but not other times (4am). Avoid eye contact/talk/ attention, just try to reassure him in the most minimal way you can. Try not to stop and start it otherwise he's gone through all that for nothing and may take even longer next time as he's learned it can get stopped and gives him false hope so to speak.

Make sure he's having a good dinner including protein to keep him satisfied through the night.

Good luck!

It's always hard when they are ill and then trying to get back to normal. However coming in your bed at 4 am and feeding "until morning" at age 1 doesn't seem right presuming he is fully weaned? It definitely sounds more like comfort than anything and could cause other issues with eating if he is taking that much in then.
I can't really tell if your husband is being unreasonable without knowing more, it seems harsh but maybe he is just desperate for you to establish some kind of routine. The baby needs some comfort if in pain but calpol is your friend!
I also think by co-sleeping whilst feeding you are effectively waving food under his nose all night so yes he probably will feed.
Remember you are a team and maybe neither of you has the answer yet.

oh read the update - good news!

OP if you’re cocsleeping and Bf have you looked at the Dr Jay Gordon method of night weaning?

No way would I be letting my baby cry without comforting them. They are basically learning that when they cry, mum doesn’t come.

And please don’t sleep train when they are ill or in pain with teething

Ok I have scrolled back and can't find the person who suggested this but thank you so so so much whoever you were.

I tried your suggestion. I talked to him before bed and explained what was going to happen, that mummy would give him milk and cuddle him and then he was going to have a nice long sleep and if he woke daddy would get him and sing and in the morning mummy would come and get him.

And he slept through!! He self settled a few times too!

I think the advice was from @adagio

@Antigon it was @adagio, Adagio thank you so much.
I also used this for his naps the last two days and they have been so much calmer and a happy time for us both. I've explained to him both times that it's time for a nap etc and he once fussed a little going down, I explained again and he basically goes straight to sleep I can't believe it!!!

Also, for all those saying about teething, sorry I forgot to say, he does have nurofen and calpol for his teeth, which helps a lot especially the doses before bed xx

Go to your baby. 1000 times. They grow out of it. It shocks me that we allow a grown up to seek comfort from those they love at night but not our children.

Absolutely agree your baby needs you. It’s hard and exhausting at times but it doesn’t last forever

Bring him bed with you if you have a big enough bed it’s the most comforting place for babies to be (for most babies and young children)

Well done @tablebrush and DH, I know exactly where you were coming from in your first post, my 1 year old was even worse until about a month ago and in the depths of the night it's so so very hard.

After nearly crashing the car, making tonnes of mistakes at work and being told by school my 4 year old was overtired (mostly due to the baby disturbing him before he was ready to wake up) we actually contacted a consultant. She gave us a gentle plan to get him to learn to self settle and it worked. But she was very clear that if he's ill or in pain he needs comfort and neurofen for teeth. We were lucky, he took to it quickly and even when he's teething or poorly he tends to resettle himself. I can hear him now babbling away which he will do until we go in and get him up. He is a much happier, more settled baby now. DS1 is coping better with school, DH doesn't have to drive long distances after a disturbed night and I can function again. It was the best thing for all of us.

Sleep training is not for everyone but I think done gently and consistently it can be a very good thing. The overly emotional attitudes on here certainly made me hold back, now I feel guilty because actually I was holding DS2 back. We didn't leave him alone crying in distress and never would do. Night weaning depends on the baby, up until 11 months ours couldn't eat solids properly due to undiagnosed tounge tie, all he could do was breastfeed so I wasn't going to take that from him overnight as he was always hungry.

I suppose what I am saying is you've done a great job working as a team and don't ever feel guilty for using methods that work for you and your baby, or feeling desperate in the middle of the night!

My 3 Yr old still sleeps in with me and my dh is on the pull out bed in the living room. This is the only way anyone gets any sleep. Dh happy with this as he has very early starts and would rather undisturbed sleep than being woken every night. Dd is our last child so I am just enjoying the cuddles. I think you should just do what needs to be done in order to get good sleep. They're only little for a short time, I know my Dd will want to go in her own bed soon so happy well rested all round.

@tablebrush I really do think one is too young. I doubt either of mine would've understood what was going on at that age, but by 18-24 months they definitely understood. Instead of enforcing separate sleep and nightweaning I just co-slept with mine until they were sleeping through. I needed my sleep and didn't bother putting them in a separate room until they were able to get out of bed and come through to me if they woke in the night. For us this was between 2-3 years, and now they both sleep independently unless there's a bad dream or belly ache.

I well done OP I truly believe this was a major part of what helped us with DS who is 14 months. I was like you at the star of the summer but cracked him from co sleeping waking loads to sleeping in his cot in his own bedroom as self settling by the time DD started school. Long process and baby steps but I do think kids are clever and understand more than you think! I also think it’s s development thing and they will do it when they’re good and ready provided you lay good foundations for them to feel secure that you will come back! You must feel elated, I know I literally still feel so happy that he sleeps through!

Go and get him!!! Cuddle him, he wants his mum. They will sleep independently one day I promise

LovelyIssues RTFT it was sorted days ago.