To not want to sleep train my one year old? (He's currently crying his eyes out for me in the other room. So angry at my husband about it.

[tablebrush]

I am so close to storming out of this bedroom and getting my baby. He is in with his dad in his nursery.
He is ebf and was waking constantly in the night so we started night weaning/sleep training and husband went in to settle him each time, then at 4am he comes into our bed and feeds until morning. It was going well with less wake ups but then we had some disruptions due to illness and now it just doesn't seem to be getting back on track!
He's waking constantly over the last few nights and right now is the worst. He's crying so much and I know he wants me.
I feel like I want to just go in the spare room and co sleep with him again, I'm so angry at my husband as he won't even entertain this idea or any others and gets angry when I bring it up.
I'm sorry for long post. Thanks for reading if anyone still is x

He is your baby and you know how best to deal with his wants and needs. DH has no right to make this decision for you.

I'm not saying that the DH is doing the right thing in this scenario but is the baby not his too? Imagine the reaction on here if a man gave that advice to another man, telling him that the child was his, he knew best and the mother had no right to make decisions!

If he’s teething he needs comfort not left to cry. Sleep training will never work while he is teething

People forget that sleep deprivation affects the father too. Heck, I become a bit of a cow to my DH when one of my babies isn’t sleeping at night. I don’t cope well with it.

Go to your baby. 1000 times. They grow out of it. It shocks me that we allow a grown up to seek comfort from those they love at night but not our children.

Also, it doesn’t sound like this family is using CIO? Her husband was in with the baby.

If a woman was not letting a father tend to his distraught baby I would say exactly the same thing.

Unsure what that’s got to do with anything?

There's something wrong here. He's crying. He should be sleeping through the night, but he's not. You've been feeding from 4am onwards? That sounds like a lot. I wonder why?

All sleep training goes out the window with illness and teething. Wait until he's better and try again.
Although after a month you shouldn't be having trouble.
And your dh sounds like an a hole.

If you feel like you want to go in there and hold your baby or feed him go in there!!! To hell with all that sleep training crap! He won't be a baby forever and will eventually go to sleep without you.

I'm in a similar position only my little one is 16 months old. He's been a bottle refuser since day one and has always woken up throughout the night to feed. It's only the past few weeks I've started to say I need my sleep back but the thing is he sobs and sobs until I hold him and feed him. I've tried to refuse feeding him twice but he cried for 20 min solid (he never cried so this makes it more distressing). I've now given up he's sleeping in our bed and still disturbing me but I just can't do the cry it out thing, I didn't have children to leave them crying and alone whether it goes against what you read in these books or not. My theory is he will sleep without me when he's ready, not when I force him to.

He probably isn’t feeding from 4am, just wants the comfort of sucking, nothing wrong with that as long as everyone’s happy with it.

Do talk to your DH about this.

You need to sort this out as a team

At the moment you feel he's laying down the law in a counterproductive way. We don't know what he feels, but it is clear that he wants better sleep for everyone. And he is basically correct about that. You need to talk to him about this, and keep talking until you have a proper new plan.

What are you telling DH, and what does it mean for family life, if you just go to a crying baby when he is already attending to him? It's ok to tell us that you doubt his competence and decision-making capability, but quite another to demonstrate that to him.

I also suggest you go out of earshot, or get earplugs, and use them for the six or so hours that DH does the night shift. You all need better sleep oñ somethung approaching a reasonable routine.

Well, unless your baby can tell the time you weren't really sleep training before. 4 am is an arbitrary time in the night that makes sense to you but not him. For him it will be "I get to go in with Mummy at some point in the night, and maybe it's now? Worth shouting to see". Sleep training involves staying in bed until it's time to get up. (Illness resulting in abandoning this). At over 1 year he has no physical need to feed in the night.

You're also not really sleep training if DH is staying in there with him, or at least not a method I understand. I thought it was soothe, withdraw, and repeat.

And most importantly, both parents should be on board and in agreement with a plan. Sleep training is very hard, but it should not take a month of screaming all night. Something is going wrong.

If you've been doing it for a month and it's still this bad it's obviously not working. At that age some babies still need comfort at night. My 19 month old ended up in my bed feeding on and off for half an hour at a time several times a night last night because she is unwell and needed comfort.

The bringing him in at 4am is far too confusing and is probably why he is still crying a month in.
Is you husband staying in with him the whole time to try and re settle or is he doing some form of cc or gradual retreat?

You’re not doing it properly and the poor child doesn’t understand the rules so no wonder it’s taken over a month. Either go for it properly with you both fully supporting and working together or give up.
Sleep training does work and does no harm - in fact the opposite, it’s good- but you’re not really sleep training just getting angry with each other.

I completely understand why some parents want to sleep train and my son fed 4 times a night until he was 17 month so I get why your husband is getting a bit fed up. However, if you were potty training and he was still struggling after a month wouldn't you both say "I dont think he is ready yet, let's wait a few weeks and start again". I do believe that sleep is a developmental stage and some babies get there a lot earlier than others.
At 17 months I believed he was ready and he had one overnight at Grandmas and the following night I offered water and cuddles and his dummy. He fell right back asleep 4 times and has slept through since. I honestly believe if I had tried it a month earlier we would have had screaming for hours.

It is quite common for one parent to be stricter than the other but there is a bit of a red flag for me if your baby is screaming out for you for hours, everything in your body is telling you to go to your baby and your husband is angry with your natural mothering instinct. Everyone who is pro sleep training that I've read has said it must be planned when baby is not unwell and both parents have to be on board.

Tell husband to beggar off! Men are so jealous and selfish and don't understand breastfeeding at all! My husband always makes comments that the baby stole me from him because he's in my bed and feeds all night! Pish posh! If you are happy to feed him and sleep in his room don't let husband stop you!

Take out the 4am feed and offer water, then if he's still crying he's not ready yet

Why is this your husbands decision? If you don't want to sleep train your baby then don't sleep train your baby. Go and get him and take him in to the spare room if that's what you want to do. Your husband cannot physically try to stop you, and if he does then you've got bigger problems than a baby that doesn't sleep.

I hope you went to your baby OP. I wouldn't leave my 3 year old crying like that- he sleeps with me. At 1 he's a tiny baby needing comfort.

Never sleep trained mine. If they cried, I went in (would wait 5 mins if just a grizzle). Never had any difficulty with sleep as they grew older. Follow your instincts. They’re there for a good reason. If my DH had tried to stop me going into either of my babies, Id’ve poked him in the eye.

As a word of caution, we tried sleep training at this sort of age and gave up (mainly because DH couldn't cope with the crying).

DC's sleeping got worse and at 3.5 we ended up trying sleep training again. It was no less hard than it was the first time and I was 2 more years of no sleep down the line. If I'd had my time again, I would have stuck it out the first time round.

bully to all those folks who had brilliant sleepers or who responded to 5 minute of shushing and patting. Believe me this was not down to your brilliant parenting but your baby's personality (my 2nd child slept through from an early age despite identical parenting)

It took 2 nights of not reacting to non specific crying for my dd to sleep through.
She was waking in the night,not really hungry and wanting to play.She was still in our room so I just stroked her,said back to sleep and then pretended yo go back to sleep the then dh giving me big supportive hugs.
I think she was about 6 months and you know the distressed cry by then and that should not be ignored.I took 2 nights ,I found it hard,I needed support to do it.
You need to rethink how you are doing it as this sounds too distressing for all of you.

I could never ever sit and listen to my baby cry and not go to him. It’s just not a natural response.
Some nights DS sleeps through, some nights I get virtually no sleep. He sleeps in my bed still. I wish I’d had a baby who’d been happy to sleep in his own cot/room but I didn’t so I give him what he needs. It won’t be forever.