To not want to sleep train my one year old? (He's currently crying his eyes out for me in the other room. So angry at my husband about it.

[tablebrush]

I am so close to storming out of this bedroom and getting my baby. He is in with his dad in his nursery.
He is ebf and was waking constantly in the night so we started night weaning/sleep training and husband went in to settle him each time, then at 4am he comes into our bed and feeds until morning. It was going well with less wake ups but then we had some disruptions due to illness and now it just doesn't seem to be getting back on track!
He's waking constantly over the last few nights and right now is the worst. He's crying so much and I know he wants me.
I feel like I want to just go in the spare room and co sleep with him again, I'm so angry at my husband as he won't even entertain this idea or any others and gets angry when I bring it up.
I'm sorry for long post. Thanks for reading if anyone still is x

And we've been trying this method for about a month.
God it's breaking my heart. This is the most he's cried which I think means he needs me. He is also teething badly.

Aww. Go and get him OP. Tell your husband you can try again once his teeth have come through and he is all better.

I'd go to him. Tbh, even if you're sleep training it seems better that he associates night time with comfort, rather than being upset and distressed. Good luck, OP, hope you get some sleep!

Go and get him. The frequent night waking doesn't last forever. Comfort him! They are only little for so long.

I don't think I can really help but I really feel for you and didn't want to read & run. This past week my husband has been sleeping in my nearly two year olds room as she's been night waking again & this means he can calm her quickly and we all get a better nights sleep (I'm awake now with younger baby....). I think as parents we have to trust our instincts on what's best so if you want to go & Co-sleep I would do it and you can talk it through a more workable plan for you with your hubby in the morning. Hope all goes OK for you.

I thought with sleep training you went in every five minutes to reassure them you were close by. Boring voice, no picking up, "it's alright. I'm in the next room but it's time for you to go to sleep now." Repeat every five minutes until they fall asleep. We all sleep in two hourly cycles so what you're doing is teaching them to sleep through into the next cycle.
If he's teething none of that will help. He needs Calpol and comfort.

He is your baby and you know how best to deal with his wants and needs. DH has no right to make this decision for you. Allowing his child to cry so much and becoming angry with you when you discuss it are red flags.
What will he do if you break the rules and go and be with your DS, sleep training is fine to a degree but if they become that distressed by it, its becoming abusive.
Do you have anyone you could stay with if necessary?

I’d get in there and soothe the poor lad. Mine are over thus now at 2 and 5 but we firmly believe nights are for calm and try to avoid full on hysterics. Have you explained what’s going on to the baby? I’m convinced they understand a lot more than you expect. With both my two from about 1 I set the grow clock up and explained last feed was now (11) then no more boob till the clock goes orange, and gradually changed the orange time later (started at 4). First few nights DH went in, clock orange yet? Nope, just water then. Then as soon as orange, here you go baby.
I would be furious if DH made the kind of unilateral decision yours seems to be. I’m sorry for you

I agree with @grace7 - the last thing you want is for him to associate bed with fear/pain/discomfort.

I sleep trained my DTDs, but there's "I want some attention" crying, and there's "I'm in pain, I'm uncomfortable, I need you" crying. If it's the latter, then nobody would be able to keep me from comforting my child.

What would your DH do if you went in there, picked DS up and comforted him?

My first was a dream sleeper, napped from 9-11 and 1-3 then slept from 7:30 - 7:30. My second at 18 months has only just started sleeping through. Up until a month ago he woke 3/4/5 times a night when he was unwell and 1-3 times normally.

No need for you to 'sleep train' your bub unless you are desperate and the lack of proper sleep is detrimental to your own health IMO.

That being said I have had stages where I have had to lay bub 2 in the cot and lay beside him for 10 minutes while he cried a little, these have been times that I have tried to get him to bed over and over with him screaming every time I put him down though.

DD1 I never did it with and we were just lucky with her.

Do what you feel is right, clearly CIO is not working for you. In this situation I would definitely over ride your husbands decision.

When I say beside him he is in our bedroom and I lay on the bed beside the cot while making shhhhh shhhh noises to calm him without picking him up so as to avoid continuing the pick him up he settles/put him down he screams cycle.

Stick with the sleep training plan.

I'm a Ferber fan but something doesn't sound right if you're a month in and he's still frequently waking and upset.

Have you tried the no cry sleep solution? We found that the pantley pull off method really helped them to self soothe and even ten years on I see them use it if disturbed at night. If they wake in pain though they need an intervention.

If you live anywhere near other people please go and get him. I'm up since 5am as the baby downstairs was screaming for half an hour.

I'm not really being serious but actually I sort of am ☹️ I have a massive day at work ahead and I'm tired already.

In reality baby downstairs is a good baby and it's really not his/their fault. I'm just tired and grumpy 😴

You are as much his parent as your dh is. What gives him the right to decide that his way is the only way and isnt up for discussion. After a month with no progress his way is clearly not working! I would be going in there and taking ds to comfort him and start a new routine in a week or so, clearly going cold turkey is not working and a more gentle slow approach is whats needed. Your ds is getting very stressed and anxious and this will have an effect on his behaviour during the day.
In summary, your dh is a controlling arsehole who is being abusive to his own baby son........
Ps, ive got 4dc and have had to sleep train them all differently, what works for one dosent work for all, trial and error, he is not going to be cosleeping when hes 18!

Sorry just reread, if he was disturbed through illness it can be like starting again so it's not a month of consistent training. Stick with the plan.

We never sleep trained and DD sleeps beautifully and has for years. At difficult times we just gave her what she needed knowing it wouldn't last forever. Any attempt at training made things worse for us

I thought all thee controlled crying people said that they hardly cry at all and it works in 3 days?

OP- if he is really distraught go and get him. Your dp has no right to be angry about this.

We once tried sleep training our son got so upset he scratched his eczema and when I went in he was bleeding. That proved to me the whole sleep trying thing was too stressful for him. Never tried it again. You DH needs to be flexible in bringing up children.

If the kids still distraught 3 hours on then OP really has a problem. Given that she didn’t post after her first one, maybe her husband cracked it!

"Cracked it"

Maybe the baby finally fell asleep because he had exhausted himself crying.

Surely even the most fervent sleep trainers can't think that the dh in this scenario is doing the right thing??

Sleep training never worked with DS1 (didn’t sleep through until he was 7years old!) and ds2 (slept like a dream once asleep) I tried it and he cried until he was sick and I vowed never to do it again. When mine were babies I was like a lion and DH wouldn’t have been able to tell me what to do. I’d baby is with dad and still cries quite likely needs mum

In what way does he 'get engry'? You're angry too, but his anger prevails? Why?

I never 'sleep trained'. And I had dc who woke regularly to feed well into their second years, beyond in one case. Honestly, it does not hurt long-term. The rod-for-your-back stuff is nonsense. My first came into our bed at night regularly until he was 8 or so, my second never did after about three, both raised the same.

I do believe you need to stop this, OP, if you haven't already. The poor boy does need you. And if you're afraid to, have a very good think about that.

How come your DH gets to decide? What about your opinion, is that worthless?