To not want to sleep train my one year old? (He's currently crying his eyes out for me in the other room. So angry at my husband about it.

[tablebrush]

I am so close to storming out of this bedroom and getting my baby. He is in with his dad in his nursery.
He is ebf and was waking constantly in the night so we started night weaning/sleep training and husband went in to settle him each time, then at 4am he comes into our bed and feeds until morning. It was going well with less wake ups but then we had some disruptions due to illness and now it just doesn't seem to be getting back on track!
He's waking constantly over the last few nights and right now is the worst. He's crying so much and I know he wants me.
I feel like I want to just go in the spare room and co sleep with him again, I'm so angry at my husband as he won't even entertain this idea or any others and gets angry when I bring it up.
I'm sorry for long post. Thanks for reading if anyone still is x

Just to double check, are you ONLY EBF at one years old? No solid food?

Quick update as I hate when people don't finish threads when asking for help!

(Also; side note, I was actually wrong with the ebf. He is eating solids. Three meals a day and sometimes some snacks. And he occasionally has a bottle of formula but never at night, he just point blank refuses).

So, as advised, we have had a chat. We have agreed to continue with the sleep training for the next week and see how it goes. With a change of him not getting nurses until 6am when I will go into his nursery and feed him and get him up for the day (thank you for this advice!).
We have also decided that if he gets too distressed, is crying for 20 mins and DH doesn't think he can settle him, he will bring him into me.

Really praying and hoping with everything I've got that this works!

Thank you all again! So much! Xx

@BarbarianMum and @Watchingthetelly thank you

And thank you @BertramKibbler and @Genevieva

Some useful resources on this page :)

m.facebook.com/beyondsleeptrainingproject/

It sounds like you have a good partnership and that’s so helpful in those early stressful days. They won’t last forever.

Fingers crossed for you OP!

Sleep training is not just about what you do at night. After 1 month you're clearly doing something wrong and probably causing youselves all massive stress.

Buy GIna Ford and go the WHOLE HOG if you want to do it properly. It will take a week max

@tablebrush sorry I didn't mean that to come across as harsh. It's not working so don't keep flogging a dead horse.

I was obsessed with sleep training (mentally ill!) but had it down within 3 months. I helped a friend with a nightmare sleeper who'd left it until 12 months to start. She'd tried and failed but I shared what I'd done and he was sleeping 12 hours within 1 week.

You will need to rethink your entire day time nap and feeding routine, it's not just about leaving them to cry. Trust me GIna Ford migh tbe a pariah these days but she knows what she's talking about.

To be honest sleep training was not for me, reading the evidence, it can be linked to anxiety / mental health in later life. I appreciate there are different versions to it though and everyone has own methods. My daughter didn’t sleep through until she was two plus.

I don’t think you need to have a feeding routine for a baby to sleep well. All of mine slept through early. I never left them to cry alone (there was some crying occasionally when I didn’t pick them up and I would leave to grizzle) and I always fed on demand. I drink regularly so the idea of making my small baby wait for a drink seemed alien.

One is far too young to nightwean. He won’t understand the difference between when it’s ok for boobs and when it’s not. He’s teething, go and comfort him. I wouldn’t suggest no ght weaning before 19-24 months at least, they need to understand ‘no boob til morning’ before they’re ready.

Also, nightweaning diesnt guarantee unbroken sleep, but it would mean your magic sleep-inducing boobs aren’t ‘allowed’ until morning.

I would read the advice given by Sarah okwell who provides different methods / reassurances

We have never enforced own beds alone as tiny ones and now bed isnt a punishment its a lovely place to go when they are tired. Stand your ground...once a baby or toddler has cried hysterically theres no going back.

One too young to night wean?! NHS guidelines are 6 months. Mine went from 10.30 to 7 without a feed between 10 and 18 weeks. They all dropped the dream feed before one.

I agree with strawbster ... I also did allot of research into this- I would avoid this at all cost.

@Leapfrog44 no problem at all, thank you for your input/advice. I appreciate it all.
I think the problem was the disruption in the middle with the illness/injury and that I then fed him again, confusing the poor little guy.

Four nights in he woke up only once in the night (amazing for him as going down from 8-10 times). Then the next night illness struck and I breastfed him, the night after that he woke 14 times!!!

So, the good news (through I'm assuming this as a fluke..!) he didn't wake at all last night until 5 and then came into our bed!!!! Absolutely unbelievable.

@Strawbster I think the sleep training that is linked to issues later on in life is leaving a baby to cry alone. I don't know if any methods that recommend that these days but maybe I'm wrong. However I would never, ever leave my baby to cry alone.

@MarvellousMonsters is one really young to night wean? I did really worry about this but the constant wakings to feed were killing me, I do feel really guilty about it though.

Ok I have scrolled back and can't find the person who suggested this but thank you so so so much whoever you were.

I tried your suggestion. I talked to him before bed and explained what was going to happen, that mummy would give him milk and cuddle him and then he was going to have a nice long sleep and if he woke daddy would get him and sing and in the morning mummy would come and get him.

And he slept through!! He self settled a few times too!

I’d wait until your LO was feeling better to try sleep training again. Lisa Clegg’s book is amazing.

There really isn’t a right or wrong answer, every parent is really doing their absolute best & not only that you’re seeking help and advice.
Breast feeding is very demanding and as another poster said sleep is developmental. The constant question “is he sleeping through the night?” Makes ya think babies should be. There are a couple of people of Instagram who have amazing advice, littlepeachlondon & careitoutsleepconsultant.

Be kind to yourself , you’re doing brilliant x

I'm glad your routine worked, but I have to take issue with the NHS guidelines on night weaning - some babies do need feeding at night after 6 months old. I had one who slept through 10 till 7 from 10 weeks. The second one woke for feeds at 11 and 2.30 until almost a year old. And she'd drain both sides fully in about 20 minutes, then conk out again. Not comfort feeding, real hunger.

Both fully breastfed too. All babies are different, the problem is sussing out what works.

No you aren’t BU. When you are ebf I think your husband has to allow you to be instinctive because you’re boobs are like sensors. Breast fed babies go tend to feed more often, and not doing night feeds doesn’t really make sense because you would become engorged and your baby would be hungry.