aibu to not wear a head scarf

[Itsmemotherfuckers]

I am going to brave the shave for Macmillan and im super excited!

I have had so many positive comments but somewhere I volunteer (non facing client role) has said that when I come in to volunteer I must wear a scarf! reasons are im going from a head full of hair to an extreme hair cut :/

I don't know If iabu or not by telling them actually stick it or its their premises and work so I should adhere to what they say.

I really enjoy volunteering there and I don't want to stop but I am also doing this to raise money, awareness and selfishly to make myself feel better by knowing im doing something.

what do you think?

MacMillan is marvellous and has lots of suggestions for fund raising

Marvelous isn't a word I'd use tbh and yeah I'll bet they do.

I'm sorry OP, I can see you want to do something with the best intentions. If it's going to cause issues in your life then maybe choose something else to raise money for your chosen charity?

I find the whole 'brave the shave' thing self indulgent: 'Look at me I've done an amazing thing for cancer sufferers and I want everyone to see the evidence'. Not really, you've raised some money that could probably been raised in a less show offy way.

To me the most cringe worthy bit is the word 'brave'.

What's 'brave' about sitting in a chair and having your head shaved?

All very self indulgent. Not a choice given to people undergoing treatment for cancer.

Given the awful prevalence of cancer, what "awareness" is being raised?

People doing things just to raise "awareness" of an already very well-known illness/cause etc is weird.

Take those awful ice bucket challenges. They ended up just being a way to get your funny video online and most of them didn't raise a penny. They'd have been better off donating the cost of the ice they bought to the MNS directly.

Another person who can't stand this "brave the shave" thing. I'd have far more respect for someone training for a marathon or similar where there is a physical challenge to raise the money. Sitting in a chair and shaving your hair off saying look at me, look how "brave" I am is pretty distasteful.

One of my husband's relatives is currently going through chemo, she certainly isn't posting pictures of herself online being "brave" going through aggressive treatment. It sort of makes a mockery out of people who are losing their hair fighting cancer, that's how I feel about it.

I'd suggest you don't shave your head and find some other way to raise money personally.

Out of interest, you can see how much Macmillan raise and how its spent here; www.macmillan.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/our-annual-report-and-accounts/how-we-raise-and-spend-our-money.html

I work for a blood cancer research charity, and I wish we could have some of that income! They do no research nor fund any. Support only gets you so far.

Two issues:

1. Can the place where you volunteer demand that you wear a headscarf? No they cannot. They are being completely unreasonable. If they can be so petty and discriminatory are they an organisation you want to be associated with?

1. As has already been noted by others, some people find "brave the shave" offensive. I fail to see how people posting pictures of themselves having their head shaved and describing themselves as being "super excited" (your words OP) in any way raises awareness or demonstrates empathy for people who have experienced the grim reality of chemotherapy.

Legally they can demand a volunteer wears a headscarf.

Sticking to the question posed by the OP, and not getting dragged into the merits, or otherwise, of 'Brave the Shave', then no: I don't think it's any way, shape or form reasonable for any organisation to ask her to wear a headscarf.

I shave my head frequently — it's simply my look of choice — and I'd be a bit if someone asked me to wear a scarf. I don't think I own a headscarf

Macmillan were utterly fucking useless when my dc had terminal cancer: useless face-to-face face and telephone helpline. If I was on laptop not mymob I would happily specify why they were so abysmal.

Thank god for district nurses. They were beyond brilliant, and shamed Macmillan who take all the glory for in ourcasedoing fuck all, and if they tried to do anything they did it badly.

There was a thread on here before started by a cancer sufferer with regards to how offensive "brave the shave" is OP. Advance Search it!!!

Sorry, Df had cancer not DC x

Legally they can demand a volunteer wears a headscarf

Can they? Not sure: am not a legal expert. I appreciate that organisations have dress codes but surely that dress code would have to apply to men too or we'd then be straying into the sex discrimination arena, wouldn't we?

Could people explain why macmillan are so bad?

I can see they don't run any hospices and stuff but they seem to offer lots of finacial help, guidance and general advice.

Volunteers do not have the same legal rights as employees.

There was a test case, and the courts decided the same equality rules do not apply to volunteers. So you may think it is unreasonable OP, but legally they can demand this.

i am a cancer survivor and i find the brave the shave insulting and i really don't like it.

YABU for being "excited" about such a virtual signalling, attention seeking act

Opposite experience here. I'm a guy with long hair and applied to a job (client facing, professional) and arrived for my first day of work wearing a suit, silk tie, leather shoes et al to make a good impression, with my freshly washed hair tied back in a neat ponytail. They had already done two skype interviews with me so they knew that I had long hair.

Literally the first thing they did as soon as I walked through the door was to sit me down in the directors office and tell me they had a "policy" about men only being allowed short hair. They asked me to cut it. I've had long hair since I was 5, so I told them very politely and respectfully to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. They went off and had a little conflab, then came back and said "In this case we're willing to make an exception..."

If you feel like it's worth pushing back, then push it back. On the other hand you may feel like it isn't something worth kicking up a fight over, and just wear a bandanna or similar. Up to you.

Legally they can demand a volunteer wears a headscarf

I'm not sure they can.

I used to work for a non-profit organisation and although we had a dress code for volunteers I don't think we would have been able to make them wear (or not wear) a head covering unless it was for Health and Safety reasons.

Apologies I haven't RTFT, but OP, what are you doing with your hair when you cut it off? If you are donating it to be made into a wig for people who have lost hair through cancer treatments then that's probably better than shaving it all off, so to speak. Unless you do both.

Either way, I don't think an employer would tell a male not to shave his head, or if he did to cover it up, so I'd want to get some clarity on this. Presumably it wouldn't be unprofessional if someone had alopecia.

I don't think the 'Brave the shave' campaign is about empathising with cancer survivors particularly. I think it's about grabbing the attention of people who haven't really been affected by cancer, raising awareness and money in an environment where people may have some donation fatigue.

Shaving one's head may not be brave in the grand scheme of things but it is a big step for many people and therefore it gets the necessary attention.

smallchance They can legally say either you wear a headscarf, or you no longer volunteer here.

Cancer patients have repeatedly said that it is insulting to them as chemo is far more damaging to the body than just causing hair loss. It minimises their experience.

^
This, definitely, i wouldn't go as far to say i get insulted, more annoyed, i had cancer three years ago and underwent chemo and radiotherapy, fortunately, i didn't completely lose my hair but it went very thin and a bit patchy. shaving your hair off doesnt really do anything besides get the persona pat on the back for doing it "for being so brave" 3 years on I still suffer the effects of chemo i fatigue very easily to the point i need to sleep, i am weak and nauseous most of the time i still cannot eat certain foods or be near people eating certain foods because i get violently sick . i had a hysterectomy but my ovaries were left because of my age, and moved out of the radiotherapy blast area, yet chemo sent me into menopause at 27 so there is all that crap, thanks to chemo.

also people seem to not understand how bad radiotherapy also is,
i have scars all over my pelvis (back and front) from the burns i endured, i am still incontinent at times due to the damage my bowel and bladder took from the treatment. i need to plan any outing with military precision so know exactly where toilets are, and always ensure i have clean clothes and a wash bag with me. even just to pop to tesco! i am 30 and intercourse can be problematic due to the dryness and internal scarring from radiotherapy. so if we have run out of lube there is no sex as my own lubrication is not enough unfortunately despite how amorous i feel , my DH is so understanding though and we are intimate in other ways when penetration isn't possible (sorry to be blunt) i add DH is only mid 30's himself and neither of us nor anyone of any age should have to deal with this. yet it is our reality.

Sorry OP to put a dampner on the thoughtful act you are undertaking and macmillian is an ok charity they do offer grants to patients to help heat homes buy extra clothes to keep warm but is only arounf 100 quid which doesnt strech far, you would be better off donating to the hosiptal transport if there is one for your area or the voulenterr organisations that provide companions for those in long term hospital stays the omen that go around the wards with therapy dogs there is anumber of organisations that would greatly benefit much more thn the more known charities

Do something else - hold a coffee morning, donate some money etc etc, you don't need to shave your head to raise money. As for the place you volunteer at if they have a dress code then they have a dress code.

I am So insulted whenever anyone says they are going to brave the shave. There is nothing brave about it. Shaving off your hair to applause is nothing like the agony of it falling out in clumps, the pain of it regrowing slightly only for it to fall again. If you want to honour me and other cancer patients sit in a bath of beans don’t minimise one of the most parts of Chemo that I found the hardest.