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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to not wear a head scarf

137 replies

Itsmemotherfuckers · 11/11/2018 23:27

I am going to brave the shave for Macmillan and im super excited!

I have had so many positive comments but somewhere I volunteer (non facing client role) has said that when I come in to volunteer I must wear a scarf! reasons are im going from a head full of hair to an extreme hair cut :/

I don't know If iabu or not by telling them actually stick it or its their premises and work so I should adhere to what they say.

I really enjoy volunteering there and I don't want to stop but I am also doing this to raise money, awareness and selfishly to make myself feel better by knowing im doing something.

what do you think?

OP posts:
FissionChips · 12/11/2018 00:11

I fail to see how shaving your head is "insulting" to cancer patients

Can you not see the difference between shaving your head just because you want to and shaving your head to try to look a cancer patient?

petbear · 12/11/2018 00:11

If you cannot see why it's insulting @Aquamarine1029 then I can't help you.

What has men shaving their head got to do with anything?! They are not doing it 'for cancer!'

It is offensive to cancer sufferers, and cringeworthy.

Please reconsider doing it OP.

Secretsquirrel252 · 12/11/2018 00:11

Losing her hair was the most difficult part of cancer treatment for my mother. More than losing a breast. I can’t even start to explain how fucking offensive ‘brave the shave’ is.
Poor you, having to cover your head so people won’t see how worthy you are.

citiesofbismuth · 12/11/2018 00:11

You're allowing yourself to be exploited by Macmillan if you do this. It does not help cancer patients.

Original poster
Itsmemotherfuckers · 12/11/2018 00:13

God I feel awful now I wanted to do something good

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 12/11/2018 00:13

What has men shaving their head got to do with anything?! They are not doing it 'for cancer!'

It hasnt got anything to do with what the OP is planning, it has everything to do with whether it is ok for her boss to ask her to cover her head when she is volunteering. Discrimination is still discrimination whether one is being paid for a role or not.

petbear · 12/11/2018 00:14

If you want to 'do something good' then give a donation to a hospice.

Racecardriver · 12/11/2018 00:14

@aquamarine1029 because it minimises chemo and cancer to an extent. As if people with cancer are all that worried about loosing their hair. Think about it. If you were at risk of dying and undergoing and treatment so vicious that it was also slowly killing you and your hair started falling out just to top it all off and then someone came up to you and said that they wanted to empathise with you so they were going to shave their head wouldn’t you want to tell them to fuck off?

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/11/2018 00:14

God I feel awful now I wanted to do something good

I am sure no one thinks anything else, but as you now know that Brave the Shave is a bad idea on many levels, why dont do something else?

Get people to sponsor you for Couch to 5k for example and donate the money to Marie Curie.

Rachelover40 · 12/11/2018 00:17

It's meant well but I have heard cancer patients say they find it offensive for people to shave their heads. There must be something else you can do that doesn't involve shaving.

If you did decide to go ahead, you could wear some kind of hat or beret until hair grows back. It will grow back quite quickly, in no time you'll have a short, cropped style. However I hope you don't shave your head.

FissionChips · 12/11/2018 00:18

Don’t feel bad, your intentions are good.
Just choose a different way to raise money and preferably a different charity.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/11/2018 00:19

@petbear. I don't need your "help", sweetheart. I had cancer in my 20's and had chemo. Three rounds of it. If someone wants to shave their head for ANY reason it has nothing to do with me and I certainly don't take it personally. To do so is absolutely ridiculous.

citiesofbismuth · 12/11/2018 00:20

Donate to your local hospice instead. They're all charities and work hard to provide practical care, symptom control and support to patients and their families.

Please reconsider. Macmillan raise shedloads, for what? People throw money at them due to emotion, which presumably is what they play on. Patients have complained to them about their fundraising methods, but they just ignore.

How many charities exist solely to raise money and that is the main aim? Think critically. What is it being spent on? What percentage reaches the patients and their families? What does the charity achieve in real terms?

NC4Now · 12/11/2018 00:24

Don’t feel bad, but could you maybe arrange a coffee morning/book sale or something instead?

EmeraldShamrock · 12/11/2018 00:24

I read a thread on mn and it enlightened me to the Brave the shave. I am sure it is done with good intentions, but can seem patronising to some women, who had no choice but to brave the shave.
I think there are other ways you can raise money for MacMillan. I am sure your intentions are good, I am not sure it is a good idea.

petbear · 12/11/2018 00:28

Yeah the OP's intentions are good, but it's horribly offensive to people who have suffered cancer and lost their hair through treatment.

You would have to have ZERO emotional intelligence to not understand that. Hmm

Tippexy · 12/11/2018 00:29

Please don't do it. It's really offensive to those with cancer and their families.

If you want to do something good, donate to, or volunteer with a hospice.

EmeraldShamrock · 12/11/2018 00:31

Do not feel bad. I learn new things on MN all the time. It was a plan with good intentions. Have a Marie Curie sponsored walk or something. I will sponsor you.

BroccoliStalk · 12/11/2018 00:35

I've had chemo. Sorry I find brave the shave ridiculous. Why would you do that? I understand why some would feel insulted.

StoppinBy · 12/11/2018 00:35

My nephew has Leukaemia and is currently in remission...… my sister (his Mum) has shaved her hair to raise funds for cancer research..... none of us, including her little boy who will benefit from the research are offended.

Thank you for doing something that raises awareness and gets other people talking and asking questions. Good on you!

As for your bosses, ask they to make a substantial donation and in return you will cover your 'offensive' head at work. It might make them uncomfortable but I bet they would feel more uncomfortable if they or their family had actual cancer and their hair really fell out due to the harsh treatments required.

As posted above, yes sure you could just donate some money but I am positive that you will raise more by agreeing to shave your hair, as your friends and family will all chip in, than you could afford to donate just by yourself.

If they do force you to cover up then I would get a scarf that has some sort of message on it that will encourage conversation about why you have shaved.

MarcieBluebell · 12/11/2018 00:38

I would also say reconsider.

BroccoliStalk · 12/11/2018 00:39

Also YY to donating to your local hospice. I will never donate to MacMillan after what they did with the ice bucket and ALS.

WowCrabby · 12/11/2018 00:41

I really don't like the brave the shave way of raising money. I don't think it's insulting but I do think it's a bit off somehow. It's as though you are trying to mimic having cancer. I think that's a bit weird.

If you were shaving your head for another type of charity I wouldn't find it as odd.

I don't think you should feel bad though OP. You are (were?) doing it with the right intentions.

Fluffyears · 12/11/2018 00:43

Patients undergoing chemo don’t really have a choice.

ShreddedBanksy · 12/11/2018 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.